How to handle a manager who insults you publicly
A manager who makes public, demeaning remarks about your physical appearance or work without professional justification is creating a hostile environment. This makes it difficult to address the behavior directly without escalating tension or knowing the right way to follow up professionally.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- Most of it landed at once — the busiest month was September 2026, with 14 people.
- It is not one crowd: 18 people on Reddit and 2 on Stack Exchange ran into the same thing.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Discussing the issue directly with the boss using the SBI (Situation/Behavior/Impact) frameworkDid this help you?
- 2Escalating the issue to the boss's supervisor or managerDid this help you?
- 3Reporting the behavior to HRDid this help you?
- 4Using an anonymous company reporting hotlineDid this help you?
- 5reporting the comments and attitude to HRDid this help you?
- 6asking the manager to explain what they expect to seeDid this help you?
- 7considering open sourcing the approachDid this help you?
- 8talking to line managers or higher-ups for supportDid this help you?
- 9Ignoring the toxic individuals and refusing to speak poorly of them to coworkersDid this help you?
- 10Maintaining a happy and unbothered demeanor to diffuse themDid this help you?
- 11Confronting them directly or setting boundariesDid this help you?
- 12Leaving the firmDid this help you?
- 13pulling the affected employee into an office to check in on herDid this help you?
- 14planning to report the behavior to another major manager at the companyDid this help you?
- 15considering having a direct conversation with the manager to address his intimidating demeanorDid this help you?
- 16Ignoring the manager's behavior and focusing on the work itselfDid this help you?
- 17Trying not to take the treatment personally and treating it as numbnessDid this help you?
- 18considering not renewing fixed-term contractDid this help you?
- 19looking for another job / lining up a CTO role elsewhereDid this help you?
- 20Quitting or finding a new jobDid this help you?
- 21Pushing back and refusing to comply with unreasonable demandsDid this help you?
- 22apologizing calmly despite feeling disrespectedDid this help you?
- 23trying to ignore the negative treatment and grammatical remarksDid this help you?
- 24Trying not to take the criticism personally and viewing it as food for growthDid this help you?
- 25Talking directly to the manager about how their feedback and negativity are perceivedDid this help you?
- 26Leaving the job due to the heavy emotional toll of the constant criticismDid this help you?
- 27switching to another team within the same companyDid this help you?
- 28preparing a resume and looking for a new jobDid this help you?
- 29considering speaking with the manager's managerDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Yesterday, I heard our director say that my admin permissions should be restricted because she didn’t trust me.”source ↗
“The immediate response was: “Well, if you don’t have enough to do, we need to look at your responsibilities.””source ↗
“Those two moments back to back have really affected how I feel about working here.”source ↗
“For me, it was when I got criticized for having my performance reviews completed too late.”source ↗
“I was told I shouldn’t take lunch every day because sometimes we’re busy and then I leave for lunch.”source ↗
“Boss complained that I go to the bathroom too often and asked me if I had digestive issues.”source ↗
“I was told I wasn’t a team player because I refused to work weekends the entire month of July for year end.”source ↗
“I’ve been at my new job for one week and I already feel like my manager is expecting me to quit.”source ↗
“On my first day, my manager kept telling people that I’m “just a temp.” It made me feel really unwelcome and uncomfortable.”source ↗
“I once had a former employer who retroactively edited my performance review that was finalized 4+ months prior to justify giving me a $0 raise”source ↗
“When the partner giving the performance review said I needed to part ways from the idea that I might get promoted at the same time as male counterpart because I needed to “focus on my family.””source ↗
“I dreaded going into work every day and cried at the end of the day.”source ↗
“The director proceeded to lambast me in front of the client.”source ↗
“I received poor feedback due to taking medical leave for an upcoming surgery haha”source ↗
“He especially enjoyed yelling, degrading and insulting people in front of me.”source ↗
“It was an extremely stressful place to work at because you never knew if he didn’t like you anymore and wanted to go in a different direction.”source ↗
“When I returned and attended a meeting, my new boss insulted me publicly, telling me how bad I looked and that my face looks really rough now.”source ↗
“Second, she made this comment in front of other staff which was demeaning and insulting to me as the healing process has been difficult.”source ↗
“repeated several times over the course of the Q&A section of my presentation " your demonstration sucks ".”source ↗
“I have never heard such an unjustified comment from someone who doesn't have any competence in the field where I am working.”source ↗
“I would have accepted it if it had been accompanied by reasonable and/or professional, technical explanations and justifications.”source ↗
“How should I follow up on this? More generally, how can I deal with this kind of comments when they are not accompanied by explanations?”source ↗
“She is just SO NEGATIVE ALL THE TIME! Her constant unending criticism is really getting to me.”source ↗
“I’m super upset by the situation and I feel like everyone is too afraid to tell him he’s in the wrong.”source ↗
“I’m also somewhat scared to tell him personally because he’s yelled “don’t make that fucking face at me” two times after saying a non PC comment.”source ↗
“I just feel like my HR manager isn’t going to do anything.”source ↗
“I am having a really hard time with my manager, on our 1-1 he tends to give very bad feedbacks, I recently reached my limit once he decided to question my productivity just looking at velocity”source ↗
“This conversation felt super personal and unfair, more like an attack, once the numbers do not justify what he says and his only argument was that he got this by collecting feedback from the team”source ↗
“It seems he somehow wants to push me to my limits, what he said could be considered harassment but I cannot proof anything once it happened in private calls, any advice?”source ↗
“One day a principal came and said me go see the washroom and come whether there is handwash or not .Literally I felt so shocking .I am there is home keeping staff for this ,why would she send a Teacher ???”source ↗
“And oneday I wanted to ask her something so I send a Casual message to her .I didn't paid attention on my grammar and she sent me a message ,you need to learn how to talk to principal .I felt like saying on that moment even you need to learn to respect Teachers.”source ↗
“The Next day She shouted so loudly you don't know how to talk to a principal.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 8How to address an inappropriate coworker without causing drama
- 4How to handle yelling and verbal fights at work
- 6What to do when students mock your appearance
- 54How to handle disrespectful student micro-aggressions and boundary-crossing
- 15How to deal with a manager who is confidently wrong
- 4How to deal with rude and destructive tourists