How to handle a manager who insults you publicly
A manager who makes public, demeaning remarks about your physical appearance or work without professional justification is creating a hostile environment. This makes it difficult to address the behavior directly without escalating tension or knowing the right way to follow up professionally.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Discussing the issue directly with the boss using the SBI (Situation/Behavior/Impact) framework
- 2Escalating the issue to the boss's supervisor or manager
- 3Reporting the behavior to HR
- 4Using an anonymous company reporting hotline
- 5reporting the comments and attitude to HR
- 6asking the manager to explain what they expect to see
- 7considering open sourcing the approach
- 8talking to line managers or higher-ups for support
- 9Ignoring the toxic individuals and refusing to speak poorly of them to coworkers
- 10Maintaining a happy and unbothered demeanor to diffuse them
- 11Confronting them directly or setting boundaries
- 12Leaving the firm
- 13pulling the affected employee into an office to check in on her
- 14planning to report the behavior to another major manager at the company
- 15considering having a direct conversation with the manager to address his intimidating demeanor
- 16Ignoring the manager's behavior and focusing on the work itself
- 17Trying not to take the treatment personally and treating it as numbness
- 18considering not renewing fixed-term contract
- 19looking for another job / lining up a CTO role elsewhere
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Yesterday, I heard our director say that my admin permissions should be restricted because she didn’t trust me.”source ↗
“The immediate response was: “Well, if you don’t have enough to do, we need to look at your responsibilities.””source ↗
“Those two moments back to back have really affected how I feel about working here.”source ↗
“When I returned and attended a meeting, my new boss insulted me publicly, telling me how bad I looked and that my face looks really rough now.”source ↗
“Second, she made this comment in front of other staff which was demeaning and insulting to me as the healing process has been difficult.”source ↗
“repeated several times over the course of the Q&A section of my presentation " your demonstration sucks ".”source ↗
“I have never heard such an unjustified comment from someone who doesn't have any competence in the field where I am working.”source ↗
“I would have accepted it if it had been accompanied by reasonable and/or professional, technical explanations and justifications.”source ↗
“How should I follow up on this? More generally, how can I deal with this kind of comments when they are not accompanied by explanations?”source ↗
“I’ve been at my new job for one week and I already feel like my manager is expecting me to quit.”source ↗
“On my first day, my manager kept telling people that I’m “just a temp.” It made me feel really unwelcome and uncomfortable.”source ↗
“I dreaded going into work every day and cried at the end of the day.”source ↗
“I’m super upset by the situation and I feel like everyone is too afraid to tell him he’s in the wrong.”source ↗
“I’m also somewhat scared to tell him personally because he’s yelled “don’t make that fucking face at me” two times after saying a non PC comment.”source ↗
“I just feel like my HR manager isn’t going to do anything.”source ↗
“The director proceeded to lambast me in front of the client.”source ↗
“He especially enjoyed yelling, degrading and insulting people in front of me.”source ↗
“It was an extremely stressful place to work at because you never knew if he didn’t like you anymore and wanted to go in a different direction.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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- 2How to handle family criticizing my weight for the wedding