Is it rude to skip a distant wedding when travel and money are tight?
Attending a wedding out of state often requires burning PTO, paying for flights or hours of gas, and navigating terrible holiday or Sunday night schedules. When travel clashes with your own major life events or tight finances, trying to make it work creates massive logistical stress and forces you to question whether the trip is genuinely worth the hassle.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- This comes up 24.2× more often in r/weddingplanning than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Skipping the wedding entirely due to work and travel constraintsDid this help you?
- 2Driving separately just for the ceremony to limit time awayDid this help you?
- 3Trying to request time off well in advanceDid this help you?
- 4politely decline because of the travel/work logisticsDid this help you?
- 5fly to Miami and make a weekend out of itDid this help you?
- 6take Monday off and stay an extra nightDid this help you?
- 7doing a brunchDid this help you?
- 8doing a destination bachelorette with bridesmaidsDid this help you?
- 9doing a welcome party the night before the weddingDid this help you?
- 10Saving money for a future trip with more timeDid this help you?
- 11Trying to make it up to the friend when they are back in townDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Do you think Mexico City would still be worth it given the limited time I'd have?”source ↗
“Can this trip be feasible and enjoyable? Or would I be better off saving my money for a future CDMX trip with more time and try to make it up to him when he's back in town?”source ↗
“Our family and friends live in all different states so I’d probably only have about 6 people there. I also don’t want any gifts, which is usually the main purpose of a shower from my understanding.”source ↗
“So my fiancé and I have a wedding next year 4th of July weekend, the same month that him and I are getting married.”source ↗
“I can’t get the PTO off of work as it’s a holiday weekend”source ↗
“I’d have to drive separately 3.5 hours one way just for the ceremony and then head back in the morning.. and I’d probably have to call off work that day.”source ↗
“Also, because the wedding is the same month as ours id like to save everything I can to pay for it and not spend 6hrs of gas money going to a wedding for a night.”source ↗
“Am I being unreasonable or rude by not attending?”source ↗
“A close friend is getting married in Miami, but we all live in Connecticut.”source ↗
“The wedding is on a Sunday night, which makes me hesitant because it would mean flying down, staying at least a night or two, and then dealing with the travel back to CT around the beginning of the workweek.”source ↗
“For those who have done something similar, would you consider it worth the hassle and expense to attend a close friend’s wedding in another state, especially when it involves flying and a Sunday night wedding?”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 2Is it worth paying more for an out-of-state college?
- 5Is it still worth enrolling in STEP or travel registration?
- 12Is a short weekend trip worth the time and money?
- 6How to handle wedding roles and getting ready without a bridal party
- 5How to decide if I'm too sick for work
- 2How to evaluate a business conference before paying for it