Why do I feel so financially behind everyone else?
Online benchmarks and visible peer spending make it easy to feel inadequate even when you are doing well. This anxiety stops people from accurately assessing their own progress, as they compare themselves to high-debt lifestyles or misleading wealth percentiles tied up in primary homes.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1comparing personal metrics against official demographic datasets like Federal Reserve survey dataDid this help you?
- 2analyzing the composition of net worth such as distinguishing home equity from liquid investmentsDid this help you?
- 3adjusting expectations around retirement timelines and social security incomeDid this help you?
- 4Focusing on oneself and ignoring what others haveDid this help you?
- 5Taking on additional work and small gigs to fill time voidsDid this help you?
- 6Working constantly on weekends to avoid feeling guiltyDid this help you?
- 7Hiding financial stress from friends and family to maintain a strong imageDid this help you?
- 8Trying to gauge financial standing through online forums and self-assessmentDid this help you?
- 9working long hours or picking up additional jobsDid this help you?
- 10comparing personal financial milestones to internet forums or social media statsDid this help you?
- 11Contributing small monthly amounts to retirement accounts through payroll deductionsDid this help you?
- 12Planning to move to a higher-paying state or job in the future after gaining experienceDid this help you?
- 13Relying on low living costs or budgeting for minimal cash savingsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Numbers like these are so confusing when you see people driving around in $80k trucks and SUVs, with insurance costs and maintenance, plus large homes, and everyday expenses. I just keep thinking the majority must be incredibly in debt.”source ↗
“Median 400k at 60 is scary in regards to trying to retire. Especially since a lot of that is tied up in the primary home for many.”source ↗
“man that 25% percentile is brutal especially at 50+”source ↗
“the 'am I behind' anxiety you see constantly here is usually people in the 75th percentile worrying they're only at the 50th.”source ↗
“Behind whom exactly?”source ↗
“it's hard to compare.”source ↗
“Every single day I wake up, I think about money, how to get more, how to protect what I have, and how to make the people around me proud. It is completely crippling. I feel behind. I feel alone.”source ↗
“Lately I've been struggling so bad mentally about feeling like I'm falling behind, and I'm just not where I'm supposed to be for my age.”source ↗
“I cry at night thinking about my situation, thinking I need to do more, thinking I am falling behind, and most importantly letting my family down.”source ↗
“I didn’t take saving very seriously in my early 20s so always have a lot of money anxiety / compare myself to others.”source ↗
“How am I doing? Feeling behind.”source ↗
“I just feel so behind.”source ↗
“I feel awful about myself. I am 28 and realizing I messed up.”source ↗
“I just feel screwed. I don’t see how I’ll be able to save any cash.”source ↗
“I don’t want to pivot into a new field yet. I wanted to pursue this career path and I’m just out of grad school for it. I’m lucky I don’t have loans. I want to give it a try, but I’m worried I’m just going to scrape by my entire life.”source ↗
“Idek why I am posting this because I don’t expect to get any reassurance. I know I’m behind and not on track to catch up. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. Feeling bummed and also like a loser!”source ↗
“People my age in this state I moved to for work have houses and kids and I couldn’t be farther from that.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 20Why do I feel so far behind in my career compared to others?
- 7Why am I so stressed about money after buying a house?
- 11Why do I have financial anxiety even with stable savings?
- 6How to stop feeling terrified of making financial mistakes
- 2Feeling like the youngest and least experienced at work
- 3Am I too far behind to start saving for retirement?