How to divide attention between multiple young children
Having a new baby risks taking critical attention and resources away from existing young children, leaving parents devastated and fearing they cannot maintain their kids' rich lives. This split focus makes it overwhelming to meet the immediate needs of multiple children simultaneously without feeling like someone is missing out.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Including older siblings as much as possible so they feel involved with the new baby.
- 2Using digital noise meters
- 3Stopping homeschooling and sending older children to public kindergarten or preschool
- 4Letting early-waking toddlers cry until regular morning hours
- 5Enlisting older children to help with basic chores like laundry and tidying
- 6Relying on partner support for chores during early morning hours
- 7using clearly defined routines and expectations
- 8loving and accepting each child where they are at
- 9Feeding kids convenient frozen or prepared foods instead of fresh meals during difficult stages
- 10Using a divide-and-conquer approach to manage multiple schedules and extracurricular activities
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I need some advice from my veteran teachers on how to manage noise in the classroom because I am unfortunately so noise blind that I don't notice how it gets to the point where you can hear them from two doors down.”source ↗
“I've tried using noise meters but its so sensitive that the students closest to the board can't even move without setting it off but the students in the back can still talk no problem.”source ↗
“I have ADHD and it unfortunately works against me that if I'm helping a student with their work, I become blind to the other students for the few seconds it takes for me to help this student and it snowballs from there.”source ↗
“I would be going crazy too. It will most definitely get easier. You have to take days for yourself for the sake of your mental health.”source ↗
“Expecting my second and a question popped to mind…as I saw my elementary kid did bad on a certain test (normally gets A’s and is a good kid but somehow minor things give me anxiety )”source ↗
“How are parents working and also handling teen issues and kids breaking bones ?”source ↗
“Having two pretty much completely dependent on you is rough. Naps are impossible.”source ↗
“The smaller gap and having two at home was a rough transition for me. Kid2 wasn't as independent, so I had to be everywhere all the time.”source ↗
“2 under 2 almost took me out, and I was much less present for #2’s toddler years and 3’s baby and toddler years due to juggling so much and everyone needing something all the time.”source ↗
“I am devastated to take attention and resources away from my 2 kids. I can’t do this. This is too much. How can I maintain their wonderful rich lives while having a new baby?”source ↗
“I have a 5.5 year old, 3 (almost 4 year old), 18 month old and a 3 month old. I feel like I kept my head above the water the first few month; even with my daughters complicated heart defects that required a NICU stay and a lot of cardiologist appointments. Slowly I feel like I am having more trouble keeping the house clean, making healthy fresh meals, leaving the house, and just enjoying life.”source ↗
“By the time I’m done cleaning, it’s dinner, baths, and bedtime. I don’t feel like I get a chance to breathe. I feel like I am always doing, yet the house is never clean. I never feel like I spent enough time with my kids and I never feel like I get a second to recharge.”source ↗
“Will life ever feel easier? I miss enjoying life and looking forward to tomorrow.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 7How to handle chores when your toddler demands attention
- 7How to stop feeling like a full-time maid for young kids
- 5How to handle high energy kids who act out in public classes
- 7How do you manage a newborn and a toddler alone?
- 3How to stop hallway distractions when door windows can't be covered
- 3How to feed kittens and adult cats together without separating them