How to help aging parents with massive debt and no retirement savings
Discovering that parents have drained their retirement accounts and accumulated massive debt leaves adult children feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to intervene. This sudden financial crisis makes it difficult to plan for their future care, such as assisted living, without sacrificing one's own stability.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Consulting with an elder law attorney who has a financial specialist on staff
- 2Meeting with a long-time financial advisor to discuss asset allocation and liquidity
- 3Selling their home and moving to a more affordable state or country
- 4Declaring bankruptcy to clear debt
- 5Getting standard W2 hourly jobs instead of trying to start businesses
- 6Checking social security projections and downsizing living expenses
- 7Paying the rent using personal savings
- 8Looking into senior living apartments
- 9Contacting local aging and disability departments for assistance
- 10Co-signing a high-interest loan
- 11Taking out a personal loan in one's own name to control the funds
- 12Directly monitoring bank accounts and restricting large transactions
- 13Setting aside dedicated savings accounts in advance to establish financial boundaries for future parental support
- 14Planning to rely on reverse mortgages or potential Social Security benefits
- 15Considering whether the parents need to continue working longer or cut down on current spending
- 16Trying to guess their budget and find homes for them from afar
- 17Paying for expensive storage units while living out of a vehicle
- 18Attempting to set strict boundaries and detach from their financial choices
- 19Working extra overtime shifts to generate extra money to send to parents
- 20Saving a fixed monthly amount in a separate investment or high-yield savings account for them
- 21Splitting financial support responsibilities with siblings once they finish school
- 22Retiring back in the parents' home country where the cost of living is lower
- 23trying to get access to log into the account to check terms like the cap rate and surrender period
- 24researching potential exceptions under tax codes for disability
- 25considering setting up a special needs trust or obtaining power of attorney / conservatorship
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My parents are 66 and 69. They have no money saved for retirement and do not have jobs.”source ↗
“They have been living in their sprinter van for the last ~2 years with all of their belongings in storage (1k+/month) while they look for a house.”source ↗
“Looking for any advice on navigating this situation and dealing with the anxiety that it gives me.”source ↗
“So my parents have little to no retirement savings because they’ve invested so much in me and my sister’s education and college funds.”source ↗
“I’m considering, should I bite the bullet and give up the privacy and lifestyle I created so I can cut down on my budget, perhaps live with some roomates, and use the rest of the money to help fund my parents retirement?”source ↗
“I’m so lost idk… it’s a heavy burden being the elderly child of immigrant parents who aren’t very financially literate”source ↗
“My (27F) mom (56F) recently confessed that her & my dad (59M) have no money, no savings (drained 401k and any other savings accounts), and are in a load of debt (minimum $150k debt, max could be somewhere over $1mil across all accounts, including business).”source ↗
“I truly don’t know how to help them or how to cope with this.”source ↗
“They’re not asking me for help or to do anything, but I feel like I need to step in here and do something to help (even just by providing resources or something)”source ↗
“How could I care for my parents here in the United States? I live and work in New York City and they live in suburban Chicago…. What am I supposed to do, quit my high earning job to be a caregiver to 80 year olds?”source ↗
“My husband has been paying his rent for the last 3 months. It's $2500 a month and his dad hasn't helped to pay besides this last month where he came up with $400.”source ↗
“My husband has been using money from his savings account to pay the rent, but that money will run out soon.”source ↗
“I think within 4 - 6 years she may need to switch to assisted living just to ensure she maintains her desired living standards”source ↗
“Is there anything we should be prioritizing that we haven't thought of?”source ↗
“I talked with both of my (divorced) parents about their financial situations last week for the first time and now I am concerned for their future.”source ↗
“My husband is the money guy in our relationship and when I told him the situation he got very concerned and said it sounds like we might have to take care of them when they age”source ↗
“He has made countless bad financial decisions, and I'm just learning of this today: after spending most of his 401k while waiting on SSDI and paying off debts, he was talked into an indexed annuity "by a very nice man" with the last $55k”source ↗
“I am missing a lot of info at this point, but I am hoping to get some insight into the info I will need to help him evaluate his situation.”source ↗
“I've given up on him making decent decisions, even when I've asked that he run things by us first, so, even though he's probably lost and is losing a lot, perhaps it's better if he just gets a monthly payment rather than risking another poor decision with the principle?”source ↗
“We are currently looking into senior living apartments. A lot of places are asking for a minimum income that is higher than what he receives, so that's what's making it complicated.”source ↗
“How can I help him manage his money? What’s the EASIEST way to do it? He can barely use his phone. I need this to be EASY.”source ↗
Where this came up
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