How can I fix a broken tree branch?

What people tried

Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.

1. 1
   Glue
2. 2
   Wrapping or tying the plant back into shape with arbor tape or nylon rope
3. 3
   Setting split branches like a broken bone with a splint
4. 4
   Using a ladder and rope to straighten the plant
5. 5
   Pruning damaged or dead branches

In their words

Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.