Why can't I spend money on myself even though I earn well?
Growing up with financial scarcity trains the brain to survive on absolute essentials and nothing else, leaving people deeply accustomed to having nothing. Even after achieving high earnings as adults, that conditioning makes paying for comfort or leisure feel foreign, which prevents them from enjoying their money or developing new desires.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Living entirely off essentials and saving or investing the restDid this help you?
- 2Creating small rules or budgets to force minor upgrades or purchasesDid this help you?
- 3Retiring early to escape the workforce while maintaining frugal habitsDid this help you?
- 4building an emergency fundDid this help you?
- 5setting financial goalsDid this help you?
- 6going to therapyDid this help you?
- 7Mapping out salary percentages to explicitly allocate discretionary fun moneyDid this help you?
- 8Automating savings and investments first so that leftover funds can be spent guilt-freeDid this help you?
- 9Setting aside a fixed monthly dollar amount specifically for discretionary purchasesDid this help you?
- 10Pausing contributions to taxable accounts to pay cash for the tripDid this help you?
- 11Budgeting extra money for hidden travel costsDid this help you?
- 12Seeking reassurance and validation from online forumsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I grew up poor, lower class and eventually working class family, and ive grown very accustomed to just having nothing. Paying for comfort is a foreign concept to me.”source ↗
“I earn about 250k/year after bonus and stock. And I live like a minimum wage worker. My brain wont rewire that money is scarce.”source ↗
“I feel like maybe I am just not allowing myself to have fun because im so used to being able to do nothing and be content with it.”source ↗
“But every time I think about making a non-essential purchase, I just feel super anxious because I remember the feeling of knowing that after rent and bills were paid, I’d be sitting with $100 in my checking account for the next 2 weeks and that a random expense could literally ruin me.”source ↗
“I want to be frugal. I want to be responsible with money. And I want to enjoy life, unclench, and feel like I’ve actually arrived instead of like I’m scrambling and clawing to get somewhere.”source ↗
“I dont know, thats the problem, I feel like im too used to living with nothing but the essentials that I have no desires.”source ↗
“The damage that does to your thinking and relationship with money is hard to overcome because of when and how deeply those patterns are instilled in us.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 2How do I stop spending all my money on gambling?
- 14How to stop feeling guilty about spending savings on yourself
- 7Why am I so stressed about money after buying a house?
- 2Why do I feel stuck and directionless even with a high income?
- 6How to stop feeling terrified of making financial mistakes
- 6Is living alone worth the extra money?