Why does my couch look worse after using an upholstery cleaner?

What people tried

Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.

1. 1
   Working methodically in 1x1 foot squares
2. 2
   Scrubbing without spraying first then using suction
3. 3
   Spraying plain water to rinse and suctioning out residue at the edges
4. 4
   Using a carpet cleaner machine
5. 5
   Soaking lightly with water and a mild cleaning solution
6. 6
   Using a shop vac or compressed towels to soak up water
7. 7
   Running a fan to dry thoroughly
8. 8
   Hosing it off if it is warm and dry outside

In their words

Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.