How to handle extreme toddler separation anxiety and tantrums
Extreme separation anxiety causes young children to throw severe tantrums during drop-offs, scream when parents leave for work, and even have intentional accidents at school to force a pickup. This constant distress leaves parents at an impasse and completely exhausted, unable to leave the child's side even briefly without triggering a meltdown.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Trying not to show her any more attention than older siblings
- 2Making oneself as unavailable as possible
- 3Considering leaving the child at the other parent's home for an extended period
- 4Leaving the baby to cry it out until they calm down
- 5Holding the baby constantly or using a baby carrier
- 6Waiting until the baby is slightly calmer before getting them
- 7Including the toddler in daily chores and baby care
- 8Setting aside 1-on-1 time for reading, coloring, or watching a show while the baby sleeps
- 9Verbally setting boundaries and telling the child when limits have been reached
- 10Doing a quick drop and go without lingering
- 11Staying in the classroom for the first 10-15 minutes to ease them in
- 12Gradually increasing the time left at daycare over several weeks
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My toddler is driving me up the wall with how clingy she’s being. I know it’s a transition period and adjusting to having a new baby in the house but WOW I am exhausted.”source ↗
“Somehow though none of it is enough and my kid is becoming unbearable.”source ↗
“My daughter was an extremely clingy baby, like I had to hold her/have her in a carrier or be within arms length until she was 15 months. It was exhausting.”source ↗
“I’m very nervous about dropping off my child at daycare and leaving for the day.”source ↗
“I’m struggling with this right now with my 2.5 year old. He started daycare for the first time this week. He cries and screams every morning”source ↗
“I dropped him off, gave him kisses told him I’d see him soon and left. I cried a lot hearing him scream for me as I left.”source ↗
“It now makes dropping her off at her mom’s one big scene when she throws a tantrum and screaming for me.”source ↗
“She’ll ball her eyes out when I leave for work.”source ↗
“And now, she’s having frequent toilet “accidents” at school (TK).”source ↗
“She's recently started throwing a conniption when she's not in the same space as us. If we leave her in her room or playpen to cook dinner or go take a shower she melts down. Scream crying, just a snotty slobbery mess.”source ↗
“We're at an impasse on how to deal with it.”source ↗
Where this came up
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