Why do people think basic workplace kindness means romance?
Professional duties and routine workplace empathy are frequently misinterpreted as personal affection, leading colleagues or subordinates to ask out coworkers during exit interviews or after departures. This mismatch leaves professionals dealing with unexpected romantic advances when they were simply trying to do their jobs.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- The most recent one is from September 2026.
- This comes up 109.7× more often in r/humanresources than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Using the boyfriend or partner excuseDid this help you?
- 2Talking more frequently about a spouse and daughterDid this help you?
- 3Explicitly calling out unprofessional boundariesDid this help you?
- 4Asking a leader to address the issueDid this help you?
- 5Chatting briefly in the teacher lounge or at professional development sessionsDid this help you?
- 6Stopping by their classroom casually to talk or offer to grab them a coffeeDid this help you?
- 7Inviting a group of colleagues out instead of just one personDid this help you?
- 8Keeping a firm social distance and adopting a 'no friends at work' approachDid this help you?
- 9Limiting attendance at social events to brief appearances without staying late or drinkingDid this help you?
- 10Asking employees directly whether a conversation is just a vent session or an official complaintDid this help you?
- 11Remaining strictly 'friendly, not friends' by keeping personal details minimalDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“The problem is that I’m in HR.”source ↗
“Lately, I’ve started feeling anxious about where the line is between being a friendly coworker and being “HR.””source ↗
“When I left my last job, an employee called me and asked me out. When I declined he said he was confused because he thought I had a thing for him.”source ↗
“I'm in HR and had an employee ask me out before.”source ↗
“Had an Exit Interview once where the guy bawled his eyes out for a good 20mins straight and then asked me at the end if we could go for dinner sometime...”source ↗
“It’s tough and it sucks”source ↗
“I think your heart is in the right place wanting to make connections, but in this job you have to have a wall at all times.”source ↗
“HR is a lonely profession. I’ve personally taken the ‘no friends at work’ approach.”source ↗
“It’s not fair and it sucks but it’s the reality of things.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 2How to handle a friend who is pulling away and avoiding you
- 7How to set boundaries with a work friend who is demanding HR info
- 4Why do teachers keep getting mistaken for students?
- 3How to tell a friend she can't bring her toxic partner to my wedding
- 7Why don't friends care about my wedding as much as I cared about theirs?
- 4How to handle a new teacher who is trying to take over