How to cope with guilt after a student passes away
Teachers dealing with the death of a student often experience heavy regret over not checking in more often or knowing them better. This overwhelming guilt makes it difficult to process the personal loss while figuring out how to break the news to the rest of the class.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1trying not to second guess or replay what you could have done differentlyDid this help you?
- 2giving yourself grace right nowDid this help you?
- 3Taking sick days or personal days offDid this help you?
- 4Seeing a therapist through EAP or private counselingDid this help you?
- 5Drinking wine to cope with the griefDid this help you?
- 6Compartmentalizing and continuing to teach through the workdayDid this help you?
- 7Offering alternative activities like coloring pages, quiet time, or light academic reviewDid this help you?
- 8Using digital check-in forms to gauge student needs and offer choices (continuing normally, visiting counselors, resting)Did this help you?
- 9Keeping physical memorials like placing a vase of flowers in the vacant seatDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“One of my middle school students died this morning.”source ↗
“I don't feel like I deserve to cry because we butted heads so much.”source ↗
“I heard the news, and not even five minutes later did a kid run up to me with a busted Chromebook he needed me to fix. Had to swallow it down and keep going.”source ↗
“I don't know how to cope with this beyond rambling on and on.”source ↗
“I wish I had more time to know her. I wish I checked up on her more often than greeting/check in at the door. I wish I checked in with her more about absences. I’m feeling a lot of guilt and regret and I was wondering how to cope with that, as well as what to do when my students come to know of the news sooner or later.”source ↗
“While I work through my own grief, my heart is also thinking about how to support my students since the student who passed was in their grade and in my class.”source ↗
“I had a friend commit suicide about ten years ago and I started going back over all the times I didn’t check in on her or this or that.”source ↗
“The loss is heartbreaking, but it’s another level watching the loss in their peers.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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- 6How to cope with trauma after a school shooting in your neighborhood
- 3Why is my first year of teaching making me physically sick?