Why is my older child having panic attacks at bedtime?
Bedtime can turn into hours of screaming, crying, and panic attacks that drag on until late at night, leaving children petrified of being alone. This intense resistance often forces parents to sit in bed with them just to get them to sleep, pushing all evening chores past 9:30 or 10:30 PM. As a result, parents are left feeling completely exhausted and helpless, believing that simply waiting it out is their only remaining option.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- The most recent one is from October 2026.
- This comes up 18.6× more often in r/Parenting than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Sitting in a chair next to the bed and moving it progressively closer to the doorDid this help you?
- 2Offering bribes such as listening to soft music while staying in bedDid this help you?
- 3Doing evening cleanups after dinner and adjusting bedtime routines earlierDid this help you?
- 4letting the child sleep in bed with the motherDid this help you?
- 5leaving the bedroom door openDid this help you?
- 6Trying various tricks to get the toddler to fall asleepDid this help you?
- 7Considering letting the child cry it out despite reluctanceDid this help you?
- 8dropping daytime naps entirelyDid this help you?
- 9moving bedtime earlierDid this help you?
- 10letting go of the fight and accepting skipped napsDid this help you?
- 11trying to start night time routine around 7 with bath, quiet play, and booksDid this help you?
- 12trying to put her down earlier or laterDid this help you?
- 13shortening naps and waking her up earlier in the morningDid this help you?
- 14trying to wean her off the pacifierDid this help you?
- 15Threatening or bribing children to get them to complyDid this help you?
- 16Holding firm boundaries and waiting silently until the child uses the bathroomDid this help you?
- 17Turning the bathroom routine into a game or making it fun (such as pretending there is a fire or a tactical wee)Did this help you?
- 18Using the bedtime story as a conditional reward or consequence tied to bathroom complianceDid this help you?
- 19trying different wake windowsDid this help you?
- 20rocking and singing to the babyDid this help you?
- 21adjusting stimulation levels and floor time during the dayDid this help you?
- 22establishing a consistent wind-down routineDid this help you?
- 23Bringing the child into the parents' bed in the middle of the nightDid this help you?
- 24Lying down with the child until they fall asleepDid this help you?
- 25Trying to eliminate screens before bedtimeDid this help you?
- 26Establishing rules like no daily updates at bedtimeDid this help you?
- 27Waiting it out and recognizing children are overtired and out of self-controlDid this help you?
- 28Moving the crate to another part of the room away from heat ventsDid this help you?
- 29Leaving the crate door open and letting the puppy sleep on the floor or sofaDid this help you?
- 30Using high-value treats, kongs, or a trail of treats to entice the puppy insideDid this help you?
- 31Playing calming music such as a dog streaming channel at nightDid this help you?
- 32Wearing the baby in a carrier or wrap for almost every nap.Did this help you?
- 33Staying up all night nursing and rocking the baby to get them back down.Did this help you?
- 34Implementing strict schedules and spending hours cuddling and rocking.Did this help you?
- 35Just pushing through in an exhausted stupor while the child screams.Did this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“We were completely exhausted 24/7 and could not make plans or have a social life for many months after she was born and even when we finally found our groove naps and bedtime required strict schedules and hours of cuddling and rocking.”source ↗
“I was trying to understand why I was so much more tired and why I was struggling with parenthood more than everyone else around me. It really was because my child was so much more work/so much more difficult/demanding.”source ↗
“Every goddamn night is the same shit where they don't listen.”source ↗
“he has always been an emotionally volatile kid and I hate the need to have to threaten or bribe to get him to do something.”source ↗
“Ask him to pee and he says he doesn't need to (this is a recurring problem with him. We will see pee on his pants and ask him to go pee on the toilet and he will just say he doesn't need to.. also not sure what to do in this situation).”source ↗
“Then there is a bit of a battle and in the end it came down to me telling him I would read his book first if he tried and he goes and pees.”source ↗
“This just frustrates me and when I am reading the book to him I am not the usual fun animated dad”source ↗
“After having a bad sleeper/low sleep needs kid and meeting parents with good sleepers/high sleep needs kids, I can confirm we live VERY different lives.”source ↗
“Most nights it’s a battle to get her to sleep- on average about an hour after story time and lights out.”source ↗
“bedtime has become a source of anxiety for me with her refusal to sleep.”source ↗
“Most of the time, she only falls asleep with one of us sitting in her bed and generally that’s 9:30-10:30pm. We crawl out of her room with all of our evening jobs ahead of us.”source ↗
“I feel like I’ve tried everything and now waiting for her to change is the only option.”source ↗
“For about the past month, though, everything has changed.”source ↗
“She takes 1–2 hours to fall asleep at bedtime.”source ↗
“She typically wakes sometime between 1–3 AM and cries/calls for me.”source ↗
“At that point, she usually ends up in our bed because I’m exhausted and can’t keep getting up all night.”source ↗
“Recently, even when she does fall asleep, us trying to leave the room can wake her back up, which makes bedtime even harder.”source ↗
“All of a sudden, she’s striking. She’s taking 2-3 hours each night of crying to eventually fall asleep.”source ↗
“She’s also waking up in the middle of the night wide awake ready to play. I’m exhausted and just have no patience left.”source ↗
“Our 3 year old who's fought sleep since day one just started sleeping through the night (after at least 45 minutes of cuddles)”source ↗
“she is petrified of bedtime. She does not want to be on her own, she wants to sleep in bed with her mum, she is screaming, having full on panic attacks at the thought of going to bed.”source ↗
“Whenever anyone mentions bedtime she starts freaking out and crying and screaming uncontrollably.”source ↗
“we can't calm her down, bedtimes are lasting until 8/9/10pm, and the screaming just intensifies and intensifies.”source ↗
“It was always a struggle to to put her down to bed for night sleep, but lately it became a nightmare”source ↗
“She doesn’t want to be in the crib, or to be held, or to be in bed with me.”source ↗
“she is fussy almost all the time from 6 till the time she eventually falls asleep between 9 and 11”source ↗
“We tried to put her down earlier, later, shorten naps, wake her up earlier in the morning, but nothing seems to work.”source ↗
“if he’s having urination issues or toilet issues, it might be worth talking to your GP”source ↗
“My 5 month old is fighting all day time/evening sleep.”source ↗
“He fights sleep so hard. He’ll be rubbing his eyes, he’ll have a bottle, I’ll rock him, sing to him, I feel like I’ve tried it all.”source ↗
“Literally fighting with my tween about bedtime right now.”source ↗
“it’s still a struggle at bedtime because they want to stall, talk, they need this or that”source ↗
“So much parenting advice is ‘try this’ or ‘this worked well with my kid’, and actually, if you have a bad sleeper everything is just harder for everyone and stuff just doesn’t work. There is no silver bullet, just have to push through in an exhausted stupor with child screaming behind.”source ↗
“It takes around 3h with our boy...”source ↗
“When it comes to going to bed though he acts like it’s the end of the world when I put him in the crate (closed).”source ↗
“mine did this too around that age. turns out the crate was too warm at night cause the heating vent was right under it. moved it to the other side of the room and he stopped screaming like i was torturing him”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 5Toddler wakes every hour and only wants to sleep on me
- 7Why does my kindergartener hate reading and shut down?
- 21How to handle a toddler fighting diaper changes and teeth brushing
- 17What to do when your 7-year-old defies teachers and disrupts class
- 6Why does my baby scream nonstop every evening?
- 14What to do when your elementary schooler refuses to do homework