Fiancé and family booking wedding vendors behind my back
When a partner goes behind your back to make wedding decisions and deposits contrary to what you explicitly agreed on, it completely undermines your trust and role as the bride. Being lied to and having your preferences overridden by family choices leaves you heartbroken and powerless over your own celebration.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Talking privately without the father involvedDid this help you?
- 2Putting one's foot down on principleDid this help you?
- 3Demanding additional premarital counselingDid this help you?
- 4Letting people know it is a wedding celebration upfront and still having a casual dinner party vibeDid this help you?
- 5Eloping privately first and then hosting a separate dinner partyDid this help you?
- 6Accepting the unwanted items to avoid conflictDid this help you?
- 7Laughing it off and trying not to stress about itDid this help you?
- 8contacting the company afterward to understand what happenedDid this help you?
- 9venting to family members or online forums for outside opinionsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“It’s the going behind our backs and secretly paying someone to override something we had specifically planned that is bothering me.”source ↗
“My father also has a tendency to take something and run with it in his own direction, so honestly… this tracks.”source ↗
“So like the title says, my fiance and my father in law booked a band behind my back.”source ↗
“I would’ve never paid the deposit if I had known.”source ↗
“Now I’m heartbroken because I feel like my fiancé chose to pick his dad’s choices over the literal bride’s.”source ↗
“He told me we would go another route. He lied to me and told me they booked something totally different than that.”source ↗
“People will make more of an effort to attend a wedding celebration versus an engagement party, because the idea is that the engagement party leads up to the wedding.”source ↗
“People don't prioritize or travel to engagement parties if they are not standard in their community.”source ↗
“If people know you're getting married they will set time aside to attend but don't want to be given trick information for a surprise party.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 6What should I be working on a year out from my wedding?
- 9How to plan a post wedding brunch people actually attend
- 9How to handle wedding planning when you find out you're pregnant
- 18How to stop obsessing over tiny wedding details
- 2Partner gets tense when talking about wedding
- 12Inviting people to pre-wedding events who aren't invited to the wedding