Do I have to give a wedding gift if they didn't give us one?
Attending the wedding of a couple who gave you nothing for your own ceremony creates awkwardness and leaves relationships feeling one-sided. People often scale back their gift, such as giving a modest contribution or standard gift card rather than going above and beyond, especially when facing high travel and hotel expenses.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Giving a smaller cash amount or a modest honeyfund contribution
- 2Skipping the physical or monetary gift and writing a card instead
- 3Bringing a card with a small gift card to strike a balance
- 4Giving a gift anyway because gift-giving shouldn't be transactional or reciprocal
- 5Giving a smaller or reduced-cost gift
- 6Skipping the event or not sending a gift due to lingering frustration
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“we had some family friends of my husband not give us a gift for our wedding (fine), but their wedding was a month after ours and I gave them a generous gift, and we didn't even get a thank you from them... at some point the relationship starts to feel like all take and no give.”source ↗
“We attended the first wedding (which required expensive travel) and gave them a 100 gift. This couple then attended our wedding and were one of the few people who didn't get us anything (not even a card).”source ↗
“We have to travel for the second wedding as well (hotel plus travel). It would be hard for me to show up to a wedding without a gift, but given the circumstance do not think we should go above and beyond for a gift”source ↗
“Is a 50 contribution to the honeyfund or a gift card an appropriate gift? What would you do in this situation?”source ↗
“Would it be awkward if you gave them a gift and they knew they didn’t give you one? I’d be over there going dang I should have given them one they just gave me one!”source ↗
“My husband and I always give a gift, but we’re now on the fence on giving a gift to couples who didn’t give one. Curious how others have approached this?”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 6What to get your spouse for a wedding gift instead of registry stuff
- 3How much wedding gift to give as a bridesmaid after spending thousands?
- 3How to ask for money instead of gifts without looking rude
- 4What to do with unwanted wedding gifts when you have no receipt
- 10Affordable bridesmaid gifts they will actually use
- 5How to decide who gets a wedding plus one