Found a crack in a brand new toilet

What people tried

Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.

1. 1
   Replacing the fixture immediately before use to avoid structural collapse or injury.
2. 2
   hovering over the toilet
3. 3
   using a jar in the toilet as a warning
4. 4
   shitting in a hole in the woods
5. 5
   hover squat
6. 6
   put some TP down first
7. 7
   put the toilet seat down
8. 8
   repair with ramen or bubblegum

In their words

Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.