Can't get the serpentine belt back on the alternator pulley

What people tried

Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.

1. 1
   Removing the passenger side wheel and wheel well covers for better access
2. 2
   Lifting the motor to align the tensioner nut above the wheel well
3. 3
   Using a pipe on the wrench end for extra leverage
4. 4
   Staging the belt on grooved pulleys and slipping it over a smooth idler pulley last
5. 5
   Getting a battery charge from a jump starter or external charger to try to drive a short distance
6. 6
   Leaving the car parked until the belt can be reinstalled safely

In their words

Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.