How to stop feeling like a full-time maid for young kids
When young children are home, living spaces get trashed almost immediately, turning family time into an unending cycle of housework instead of enjoyable time together. Because parents feel like they are the only ones capable of cleaning up the constant messes, they spend most of their time working and cannot relax.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- This comes up 13.4× more often in r/Parenting than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1trying to declutter regularlyDid this help you?
- 2having older children pick up after themselvesDid this help you?
- 3husband helping with cooking, childcare, and household choresDid this help you?
- 4Tossing own cookiesDid this help you?
- 5Cleaning up the mess while others gagDid this help you?
- 6cleaning in short 10-minute incrementsDid this help you?
- 7decluttering to minimize items that need washingDid this help you?
- 8babywearing while doing choresDid this help you?
- 9using a box or basket to quickly toss random items intoDid this help you?
- 10hiring professional cleaning or laundry helpDid this help you?
- 11Making the child clean up the messDid this help you?
- 12Taking away screen time or privilegesDid this help you?
- 13Keeping tissues readily available in multiple roomsDid this help you?
- 14Providing alternative physical outlets like stress balls or silly puttyDid this help you?
- 15Having the child handwash clothing or patch damaged paintDid this help you?
- 16Taking the food away immediatelyDid this help you?
- 17Putting an empty bowl on the table for unwanted piecesDid this help you?
- 18Hovering hands over the child's arms to block throwingDid this help you?
- 19Having the child help clean up every time they throw foodDid this help you?
- 20Putting a mat down under the high chairDid this help you?
- 21Moving feeding time to a low coffee table or a small kid-sized tableDid this help you?
- 22Using suction cup plates and bowlsDid this help you?
- 23Telling the child it is gross and making them wash their hands every time they do itDid this help you?
- 24Explaining the difference between public and private behaviorsDid this help you?
- 25Requiring a shower or bath every time it happensDid this help you?
- 26Providing alternative scented items they can sniff insteadDid this help you?
- 27Setting up multiple changing stations or trash cans across different roomsDid this help you?
- 28Using lidded trash cans or odor-containing diaper pails close to the bedDid this help you?
- 29Making the child clean up the mess themselves every time it happensDid this help you?
- 30Enforcing a rule to sit down instead of standing to peeDid this help you?
- 31Putting targets, stickers, or cereal in the toilet bowl to improve aimDid this help you?
- 32Placing the child on bathroom supervision or potty probationDid this help you?
- 33using current vacuum cleanersDid this help you?
- 34sweeping floors when neededDid this help you?
- 35Prioritizing basic tasks like dishes, trash, and picking up toys on weekendsDid this help you?
- 36Getting a robot vacuum/mop comboDid this help you?
- 37Teaching kids to help clean up and do choresDid this help you?
- 38Embracing the messy season of life and lowering cleaning standardsDid this help you?
- 39Using cleaning apps like Sleepy and Tody to schedule and track tasksDid this help you?
- 40Shortening explanations and keeping kids separated until they calm downDid this help you?
- 41Using a short leash in public placesDid this help you?
- 42Setting expectations beforehand and instantly leaving if they grab thingsDid this help you?
- 43Using books like 'The Mineosaur' as a talking pointDid this help you?
- 44Agreeing with them and naming what actually belongs to them to shrink the list they defendDid this help you?
- 45Enforcing immediate consequences like going home and timeoutsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“This everything is mine mindset has led to other kids being hurt.”source ↗
“Every time this happens he is told something along the lines of “it’s okay to see something cool and look at it but we do not grab things off/from people” it’s been almost a month of this and idk how much more I can take before I lose it.”source ↗
“Tonight after dinner and before bedtime, my kinder-aged daughter took a private moment to do her business. Except her business tonight was pooping on the floor of her bathroom and smearing one of the piles across the floor and onto a wall before it caused her to throw up, also on the floor.”source ↗
“finished the clean up because apparently I’m the only one in the house capable.”source ↗
“I could use some camaraderie - what are your most memorable wtf were you actually thinking moments?”source ↗
“Every time he goes to the toilet he wees on the seat (sometimes on the floor)and doesn’t flush after.”source ↗
“Im sick of walking in and the bathroom stinking of wee.”source ↗
“I’ve pulled him up on it maybe 50 times and it’s like it just doesn’t register.”source ↗
“My 7yo son picks his nose (big surprise) then wipes it on everything *except* a tissue.”source ↗
“I find dried boogers on walls and furniture and clothes... it's just disgusting and it needs to stop.”source ↗
“I'm at my wit's end with this. Has anyone else had this problem and gotten them to stop?”source ↗
“This child will reach around and put his hand in his butt crack and smell. This is super embarrassing and kinda gross. Is this a known condition and how can we stop it?”source ↗
“The issue is that when all the kids are home the house gets trashed. Like, immediately. So. Many. Messes. So. Quickly.”source ↗
“I feel like when all the kids are home I spend 99% of my time being a maid and I can’t enjoy hanging out with my family because all I see when they play or ask to do things is yet another mess I’m going to have to clean..”source ↗
“Having everyone home doesn’t feel like nice family time at all, it feels like nonstop work.”source ↗
“My kid did the same thing. We kept saying it was gross, eventually he stopped.”source ↗
“I don’t have the answer but my 5 year old does the same thing sometimes. So gross.”source ↗
“We had the same issue with our youngest when he was 5. He would put his hand over his butt and then fart. He would then put his hand in front of his nose and sniff.”source ↗
“my almost 14 month old is throwing every meal on the floor, of course, its age appropriate, they do that.”source ↗
“if i take it away the first time he does it, he will be having 1 bite of his meal 3 times a day??? and he cries and tries to climb the high chair when i take it away and it just feels wrong to take his food??”source ↗
“i’m so frustrated and i don’t know what to do?? do i just leave him and let him throw food everywhere???”source ↗
“I’m trying to figure out how to place my changing station or if I just need to have two set up.”source ↗
“I’m worried it would make our room smell and I can’t only use the one one in the toddlers room because I wouldn’t want to wake him up if the newborn needs changing during the night.”source ↗
“I have OCD and get extremely overwhelmed with disorder. I need a clean home for my mental health!”source ↗
“I feel like a hamster in a wheel, like Iam stuck in a loop. I have 2 youngish kids. I am mentally exhausted. I want to wake up to a tidy home, but seems like it’s impossible.”source ↗
“I work full time, study, and have 2 toddlers. Monday to Friday I’m lucky if I manage to get the dishes done before I pass out.”source ↗
“I feel you. I go crazy if my house isn't clean enough, and especially with little ones.”source ↗
“My friend was suffering the same kind of stress and through a local group on FB or something, she found a local lady who ran a small laundry service that would come and collect.”source ↗
“this is my first time having a puppy, so i honestly had no idea how much cleaning i would end up doing.”source ↗
“there’s fur, little bits of dirt from outside, and random puppy mess on the floor pretty much every day.”source ↗
“i’ve mostly just been using my current vacuum and sweeping when needed, but i’m thinking about replacing it with something that can handle the everyday cleanup better.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 7Why is getting kids out the door in the morning so hard?
- 9Should I let students eat snacks in class?
- 7How to stop doing exhausting children's birthday parties
- 4How to get kids to clean up toys without fighting
- 13Why is there so much dust and hair in my bed every day?
- 4My child is constantly loud but their hearing is fine