Solo parenting when your spouse works 12 hour shifts
Being left alone with the kids makes everyday tasks exponentially harder and leaves parents feeling depressed and over-parented. With no outside help to relieve the pressure even for an hour, couples have no chance to spend time together as a family. This relentless schedule breeds deep resentment toward the working partner who gets free time away.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
Solo parenting when your spouse works 12 hour shifts
- 1Limiting evening extracurricular activities for the kidsDid this help you?
- 2Sticking to a very loose and easy meal planDid this help you?
- 3Using grocery pickup servicesDid this help you?
- 4Letting young children be bored and figure out how to entertain themselvesDid this help you?
- 5Having the kids pitch in with age-appropriate choresDid this help you?
- 6Planning to power through temporarily and find new jobsDid this help you?
- 7Giving yourself 1-2 small things a day to look forward to, like walking to get a latte or starting a new book.Did this help you?
- 8Explicitly telling the partner exactly what tasks they need to do so the primary caregiver can get a break.Did this help you?
- 9Fantasizing about taking a solo weekend away at a hotel or spa, even if it is financially difficult.Did this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“But I have no one else to help. He's away atm Fri - Mon before that on night shifts was absolutely miserable couldn't do much with our son or the house”source ↗
“I have literally no one but one friend checking in on me, I feel so depressed tbh does anyone else feel super low when they're over parented.”source ↗
“I wish I had someone to just take off the pressure even for an hour.”source ↗
“I feel so resentful that he has free time away. I never do. I feel really pissed off.”source ↗
“So tired and especially the stress of a pet.”source ↗
“We have 3 kids and zero time together as a family, so no chance to even spend this money and enjoy it.”source ↗
“In the throws of hell with my spouse working 12 hour shifts 15 days per month. One of them being a weekend where I’m alone with the 5 and 3 year old.”source ↗
“Being alone with the kids sucks. Not because I can’t do it, but it makes everything exponentially hard.”source ↗
“My husband works 12 hours, 4 days a week. I work 8 hours the other 3. It’s hard and it sucks.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 5How to help your child adjust to shared custody
- 3How can I take a long break to travel without losing my job?
- 4How do you handle solo travel when your partner hates traveling?
- 5Is it selfish to vacation without my toddler?
- 3Can I afford to take unpaid maternity leave?
- 2Will airlines separate us if we don't pay for seats?