Why does my child shut down when they make a mistake?
Children often become extremely upset and completely shut down when corrected or when they fail to do something perfectly, such as going outside the lines or making an error on homework. This intense reaction prevents them from continuing the activity or calmly accepting feedback, making everyday learning tasks a major struggle.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- The most recent one is from October 2026.
- This comes up 17.4× more often in r/Parenting than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
Why does my child shut down when they make a mistake?
- 1telling the child it is okay to make mistakes and that they are learningDid this help you?
- 2modeling making mistakes and talking through them positivelyDid this help you?
- 3Giving the child a snack break to prevent hangry meltdownsDid this help you?
- 4Asking the child to walk through the problem step-by-step or double-check their own work instead of saying they are wrongDid this help you?
- 5Using answer keys so the child can check their own work firstDid this help you?
- 6Taking a step back, letting the child work independently, and leaving grading or error correction to the teacherDid this help you?
- 7Giving the child time to cool down before trying againDid this help you?
- 8holding the child's hand to work through the activity togetherDid this help you?
- 9giving the child time to cry and acknowledge feelingsDid this help you?
- 10praising attempts at new things and offering lessonsDid this help you?
- 11stopping the activity if the child continues to make a sceneDid this help you?
- 12keeping a list to track practice and mastery over timeDid this help you?
- 13holding family contests with tasks the child can winDid this help you?
- 14Focusing on the positiveDid this help you?
- 15Ignoring negative attentionDid this help you?
- 16Manifesting positive mindsetsDid this help you?
- 17Practicing methods to step back from frustrationDid this help you?
- 18Reading booksDid this help you?
- 19having a conversation with herDid this help you?
- 20looking at alternative alarms such as a vibrating watchDid this help you?
- 21keeping the phone out the bedroom and getting her an alarm clockDid this help you?
- 22offering reassurance and positive reinforcementDid this help you?
- 23Frame the situation as a lesson in overcoming adversity and embracing challenges.Did this help you?
- 24Reach out to the student individually to address the perfectionism head-on.Did this help you?
- 25Involve the parents to help identify the source of the pressure and encourage healthier coping mechanisms.Did this help you?
- 26Preach to the class that education is a journey and single grades are just diagnostic tools to identify weaknesses.Did this help you?
- 27Taking the toys away for a set time (e.g., 5 minutes) and requiring the child to clean them up.Did this help you?
- 28Using co-regulation by staying calm, holding the child, and taking deep breaths together.Did this help you?
- 29Redirecting the throwing behavior to appropriate objects, like beanbags at a target.Did this help you?
- 30Removing the toys for the rest of the day if the behavior continues.Did this help you?
- 31Reading books that support a growth mindset to help them handle mistakes.Did this help you?
- 32Reassuring the child that they are not in trouble and that accidents happen.Did this help you?
- 33Explaining the logical reasons behind household rules to try to prevent future accidents.Did this help you?
- 34Intentionally modeling apologies between adults so the child can observe the behavior.Did this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“this one girl who typically does very well on exams (96-100s) gets a 93 and when I hand it back to her & she looks at it, looks at me, and just breaks down. i didn't know what to do. 93 isin't even horrible! i feel awful!”source ↗
“My first year teaching AP, I had a girl who broke down over a 95 on a test.”source ↗
“My nearly 4yo is, and has always been, very frustrated whenever she is incapable of achieving something she wants. She'd be in a frustrated state and refuses help and refuses to stop and cries hysterically about her not being able to do it herself.”source ↗
“But what are the steps to try and gently begin to accept that they made a mistake (accidentally or on purpose) and make amends (say sorry, see if the other person is alright) when appropriate?”source ↗
“After some more reassurances she stopped crying but she was getting defensive and denying any wrongdoing (her kneeling and leaning over the back of the chair, making it fall), even accidental.”source ↗
“Again, I understand it's normal, but what's the process of beginning to help her "get it"?”source ↗
“If he writes a letter backwards, he will hit himself, say he’s dumb and he hates himself, and even says stuff like “I wish I was dead””source ↗
“the lashing out is something fairly new - at least in this severity. We are getting reports from his school of behavioral issues relating to this.”source ↗
“My daughter used to shut down a bunch when we'd check her homework.”source ↗
“whenever she can’t do something or gets something wrong she gets extremely upset and shuts down.”source ↗
“If she’s practicing writing by tracing (her idea, not mine) and gets even a little bit out of the line she gets upset and doesn’t want go do it.”source ↗
“I was the kid in this scenario growing up, something about being corrected by my parents triggered me so bad.”source ↗
“My daughters don't like getting things wrong either.”source ↗
“I would review her homework, tell her something was wrong, and she would get so upset.”source ↗
“If I tell him that he got something wrong, and I try to understand why he totally shuts down and gets really upset and acting out.”source ↗
“When ever an almost 11 year old daughter wakes up after missing her phone alarm she is extremely angry at herself .”source ↗
“She yells “it’s not working!” And throws the rest of them. It’s really not just legos. It’s most tasks that don’t work out well for her”source ↗
“I’m not entirely sure how to hand it. At first I acknowledged her frustrating feelings. “Hey, it’s okay! Let’s try again.””source ↗
“I feel like I’m becoming more stern. If she throws them, I take them from her for 5 minutes and she can have them back — *if* she picks up the Legos she throws.”source ↗
Where this came up
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