Preschooler refusing to follow rules and leaving the classroom
Young children transitioning to preschool often test boundaries by defying teachers, talking back, and leaving the room without permission. When standard disciplinary tactics like time-outs fail and lead to backtalk or tantrums, parents are left struggling to manage defiant behaviors both at home and in the classroom.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Threatening punishments like time-outs, early bedtimes, or taking away TV and outside timeDid this help you?
- 2Watching social stories and behavior videos on YouTube togetherDid this help you?
- 3Playing school and role-playing classroom rulesDid this help you?
- 4Switching from punishments to reward systems like sticker chartsDid this help you?
- 5Leaving the class early when a tantrum occursDid this help you?
- 6Allowing the child to do what they want within reason as long as they aren't dangerousDid this help you?
- 7Quitting the activity and trying a different type of class laterDid this help you?
- 8Negotiating and trying to make deals with the childDid this help you?
- 9Threatening to take away screen timeDid this help you?
- 10Trying to see if a partial refund can be obtained for the unused classesDid this help you?
- 11Forcing them to go and dropping them off without negotiationsDid this help you?
- 12Creating a special one-on-one transition time before the activityDid this help you?
- 13Looking for a larger daycare center instead of a small in-home providerDid this help you?
- 14Having a family member like a grandma on call for early pickups during the transition periodDid this help you?
- 15Switching to a different childcare option entirelyDid this help you?
- 16Pulling the child out of swim lessons until they are older and more matureDid this help you?
- 17Switching to a parent-led class or informal swimming practice in the bathtub or poolDid this help you?
- 18Putting siblings in separate classes to improve behaviorDid this help you?
- 19Pulling the child out of school entirelyDid this help you?
- 20Waiting for the child to adjust over time despite school callsDid this help you?
- 21holding his hand during activitiesDid this help you?
- 22looking for parent-guided kids activities like dance, swim, or music classesDid this help you?
- 23Taking away screen time, privileges, or favorite items until the task is completed.Did this help you?
- 24Refusing to assist the child with their own requests until they contribute to the household.Did this help you?
- 25Providing a daily list of chores with a deadline instead of demanding immediate action.Did this help you?
- 26Confiscating the items the child left out or refused to put away.Did this help you?
- 27Physically blocking their path or preventing them from doing any other activity until the chore is done.Did this help you?
- 28Asking teachers to identify specific behavioral triggers during the dayDid this help you?
- 29Investigating if the child is being bullied by peersDid this help you?
- 30Keeping the child enrolled in their previous daycare part-timeDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My 7 year old just told me he can't make him put his plate in the dishwasher. One plate.”source ↗
“Take your shoes to your room, "you cant make me." Feed the cat, same thing.”source ↗
“My kids have tried the “You can’t make me.” All kids do.”source ↗
“A year or two ago, 8yo took 5 hours on Sunday to fold one basket of his laundry. Flopping around, complaining, boo-hooing.”source ↗
“We have had this issue with her not putting dirty clothes in her hamper. The clothes wind up on the floor, on her bed, everywhere but the hamper. After repeated reminders she just wouldn't do it.”source ↗
“The school recently raised concerns about hitting, throwing toys, screaming, and not following directions.”source ↗
“He has been placed on a three-week behavior improvement plan. If he doesn’t improve, he could be expelled.”source ↗
“I received a phone call 20 minutes later to come pick her up and she wouldn’t stop crying. Was told her crying was too disruptive.”source ↗
“Teacher says that she leaves the room whenever she wants without asking or getting permission, makes frequent trips to the bathroom without asking, and has told the teacher “No”, “I’m the boss” and “I don’t have to listen to you”.”source ↗
“We’ve tried time out, but she turns into a smart ass and basically taunts my spouse and I with it when we threaten that we’ll put her there if she continues to not listen.”source ↗
“She’s the queen of saying no to us, but saying she’s the boss and that she doesn’t have to listen to us has never been said before so I’m a little taken back by that.”source ↗
“Then when we got there, he absolutely wouldn’t go in, I tried to discuss with him, in the end (to my shame) even threatened him with taking away screen time.”source ↗
“Now I’m unsure what to do - he is adamant he doesn’t want to go back.”source ↗
“he refuses to participate in any group setting unless we’re holding his hand, and even then, he often starts crying and refuses to listen to instructions.”source ↗
“Le problème, c'est qu'il n'a jamais voulu faire le circuit, il commençait le circuit sur la poutre, et voulait refaire indéfiniment aller retour sur la poutre (impossible puisque le circuit se fait dans un seul sens!), et n'a plus voulu avancer ni suivre les autres.”source ↗
“A fini par piquer une crise si énorme qu'on a dû partir au bout d'une demi-heure!”source ↗
“But just practically speaking, how do I get him in? In school, what the teachers do if the kid doesn’t let go is grab him and hold him. At activities, they are not allowed to do that (and also don’t want to).”source ↗
“Unfortunately her cousins mom pulled him out of school after a week of being called daily to pick him up.”source ↗
“They had us come pick him up after one hour of being there. Said they tried everything to calm him down but nothing was working and he was disrupting the other kids.”source ↗
“I’m so insanely upset, confused, shocked. Do they have no protocol in place to deal with crying or upset children? Should I expect that daycares are not able to handle this? Is there something wrong with my child? Should I look for care elsewhere?….”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 6Why does getting kids ready to leave turn into a battle?
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- 4Why does my kid refuse to say hello or goodbye?
- 4Toddler suddenly refuses usual babysitter and acts out
- 23How to handle a toddler fighting diaper changes and teeth brushing
- 19Why is my toddler staying up until midnight refusing to sleep?