Preschooler refusing to follow rules and leaving the classroom
Young children transitioning to preschool often test boundaries by defying teachers, talking back, and leaving the room without permission. When standard disciplinary tactics like time-outs fail and lead to backtalk or tantrums, parents are left struggling to manage defiant behaviors both at home and in the classroom.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Threatening punishments like time-outs, early bedtimes, or taking away TV and outside time
- 2Watching social stories and behavior videos on YouTube together
- 3Playing school and role-playing classroom rules
- 4Switching from punishments to reward systems like sticker charts
- 5Leaving the class early when a tantrum occurs
- 6Allowing the child to do what they want within reason as long as they aren't dangerous
- 7Quitting the activity and trying a different type of class later
- 8Negotiating and trying to make deals with the child
- 9Threatening to take away screen time
- 10Trying to see if a partial refund can be obtained for the unused classes
- 11Forcing them to go and dropping them off without negotiations
- 12Creating a special one-on-one transition time before the activity
- 13Looking for a larger daycare center instead of a small in-home provider
- 14Having a family member like a grandma on call for early pickups during the transition period
- 15Switching to a different childcare option entirely
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Teacher says that she leaves the room whenever she wants without asking or getting permission, makes frequent trips to the bathroom without asking, and has told the teacher “No”, “I’m the boss” and “I don’t have to listen to you”.”source ↗
“We’ve tried time out, but she turns into a smart ass and basically taunts my spouse and I with it when we threaten that we’ll put her there if she continues to not listen.”source ↗
“She’s the queen of saying no to us, but saying she’s the boss and that she doesn’t have to listen to us has never been said before so I’m a little taken back by that.”source ↗
“Then when we got there, he absolutely wouldn’t go in, I tried to discuss with him, in the end (to my shame) even threatened him with taking away screen time.”source ↗
“Now I’m unsure what to do - he is adamant he doesn’t want to go back.”source ↗
“Le problème, c'est qu'il n'a jamais voulu faire le circuit, il commençait le circuit sur la poutre, et voulait refaire indéfiniment aller retour sur la poutre (impossible puisque le circuit se fait dans un seul sens!), et n'a plus voulu avancer ni suivre les autres.”source ↗
“A fini par piquer une crise si énorme qu'on a dû partir au bout d'une demi-heure!”source ↗
“But just practically speaking, how do I get him in? In school, what the teachers do if the kid doesn’t let go is grab him and hold him. At activities, they are not allowed to do that (and also don’t want to).”source ↗
“They had us come pick him up after one hour of being there. Said they tried everything to calm him down but nothing was working and he was disrupting the other kids.”source ↗
“I’m so insanely upset, confused, shocked. Do they have no protocol in place to deal with crying or upset children? Should I expect that daycares are not able to handle this? Is there something wrong with my child? Should I look for care elsewhere?….”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 2Why does my kid refuse to say hello or goodbye?
- 10How to handle a toddler fighting diaper changes and teeth brushing
- 4What to do when your elementary schooler refuses to do homework
- 3Why does my kindergartener hate reading and shut down?
- 5Why does my child cry and refuse to go to school?
- 6Why does my child behave at school but act out at home?