Why does getting kids ready to leave turn into a battle?
Children resist simple routines like putting on shoes or brushing teeth by stalling indefinitely or throwing sudden tantrums. Even with familiar items they wore yesterday without complaint, they will scream or act as though the task is harming them. Fighting this resistance ends up taking the vast majority of the time, exhausting parents before they can even get out the door.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Doing the task for the child just to save time and get out the door.Did this help you?
- 2Carrying the shoes to the car and putting them on once the child is buckled in or when arriving at the destination.Did this help you?
- 3Offering limited choices (e.g., shoes or sweater first) to give the child a sense of autonomy.Did this help you?
- 4Telling the child you are leaving without them and starting the car.Did this help you?
- 5Creating a visual schedule or turning getting ready into a timed race.Did this help you?
- 6implementing a 20 to 30 minute wind-down routineDid this help you?
- 7reading storybooks and doing mild activities togetherDid this help you?
- 8keeping mobile devices away from kids before bedtimeDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My 4 year old stood in the doorway holding one shoe like it was a live crab and yelled I CANT the entire time. Not the wrong shoe, not an uncomfortable shoe, the same sneakers she wore yesterday with zero complaints.”source ↗
“I swear the fight is 90% of the actual task every single time.”source ↗
“Yeah... Both boys of mine can do that, putting shoes on the longest is almost an art form. 7 and 5.”source ↗
“I hate the shoe thing. One of mine is now a teenager and still takes forever. As a toddler he resisted having shoes but on like I was try to harm him, I never understood it.”source ↗
“I had to click this post because the title just hit soooooo close to home today. 2yr old and 3.5yr old over here. today 3yr old literally lost her mind over brushing teeth, which she normally loves doing.”source ↗
“kids refusing to stop what they doing and go to bed.”source ↗
“my kid used to pull the whole "just one more episode" thing every night”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 11Preschooler refusing to follow rules and leaving the classroom
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- 21How to handle a toddler fighting diaper changes and teeth brushing
- 11Why does my child cry and refuse to go to school?
- 17Why is my toddler staying up until midnight refusing to sleep?
- 2Why is my tall toddler refusing to walk unassisted?