Why does my child cry and refuse to go to school?
Young children often experience intense morning anxiety and crying at drop-off time even when they have good days once they arrive. This daily distress leads to heartbreaking drop-offs where parents have to physically pry clinging children away, leaving them feeling overwhelmed and guilty.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1acknowledge feelings and listen to worriesDid this help you?
- 2reach out to the school counselorDid this help you?
- 3do a daily review at bedtime to get more insightDid this help you?
- 4Spending 10-15 minutes consoling the child and trying to talk them through it during drop-offDid this help you?
- 5Making the child go anyway while acknowledging their feelingsDid this help you?
- 6Talking to teachers and school social workers for extra emotional supportDid this help you?
- 7Using matching bracelets or necklaces as reminders of homeDid this help you?
- 8Reading books about separation like the invisible stringDid this help you?
- 9giving it a few more weeks to allow the child to adjust and attach to a caregiverDid this help you?
- 10doing a gradual transitionDid this help you?
- 11trying reassuranceDid this help you?
- 12using a nice approachDid this help you?
- 13using a hard approachDid this help you?
- 14Reading books about separation anxiety or grief like The Invisible StringDid this help you?
- 15Making matching bracelets for parent and childDid this help you?
- 16Using visual charts or calendars to prepare for school daysDid this help you?
- 17Quick drop-offs without lingeringDid this help you?
- 18Trying to talk to the child and reason with themDid this help you?
- 19Showing the rest of the book or other positive media about schoolDid this help you?
- 20Connecting with teachers to check on the child during the dayDid this help you?
- 21Giving the child time in a sensory corner to calm downDid this help you?
- 22Setting boundaries, acknowledging feelings, and trying to redirect away from morning protestsDid this help you?
- 23Withholding treats or outings until school worksheets are completed at homeDid this help you?
- 24Trying to catch up on schoolwork and writing practice daily at homeDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“He has extreme school refusal and hates school.”source ↗
“The teacher literally has to hold him down every single day so he doesn’t run out of the classroom to follow me.”source ↗
“I feel so much pressure and stress every day. I’m so stressed about him falling behind.”source ↗
“After that, he has been crying and fighting us every morning about going to school and has now turned into being upset even the night before after we eat dinner.”source ↗
“He gets so worked up that he gags and even has vomited.”source ↗
“ever since then, pretty much all day (before school, after school and at night time) she just cries and cries she doesn’t want to go to school.”source ↗
“it’s becoming a problem dropping her off ; she cries hysterically , refuses to go in, won’t eat her lunch or snack because she’s so upset, and im not sure what to do anymore.”source ↗
“i’ve obviously tried talking to her and showed her the end of the book but she didn’t care. ive tried reasoning with her, asking her why she doesn’t want to go to school anymore, to which she says she just wants to stay home with me.”source ↗
“My daughter doesn’t like going to school. She’s been like this on and off since she started kindergarten.”source ↗
“She has always said that she doesn’t like being away from me and home for so long for so Many days.”source ↗
“It breaks my heart and I don’t know what to do.”source ↗
“What can I say or do to make this easier for her?”source ↗
“He cried from the moment I dropped him off and basically continued crying for the entire 3 hours.”source ↗
“watching him cry like this is breaking my heart.”source ↗
“I just feel awful watching him struggle like this and don't know whether I should keep going or take a step back”source ↗
“My son is in 1st grade, and he has been having a lot of anxiety about going to school. He doesn’t know why he’s anxious and doesn’t want to go. He Just says “I don’t want to go”, and cries.”source ↗
“This year he’s cried every morning since the 3rd day of school. (So about 3 weeks).”source ↗
“My son on the other hand has only gotten worse at drop off.”source ↗
“But drop offs have provoked such a response that today he grabbed on to me and refused to let go.”source ↗
“It was heart wrenching having to literally pry him off of me and tell him I loved him and will pick him up at the end of the day.”source ↗
“It is by far the worst part of our day and I feel like a horrible parents leaving him there like that.”source ↗
“My child, a couple years older, was and is still like this.”source ↗
“On days when she had really bad mornings, not wanting to go to school I would say if you'd like I can reach out to [social worker] and see if she can check on you.”source ↗
“Just feel like ive tried everything, she can't not go to school though so I'm always the bad one .”source ↗
“my daughter was like your son when we started her at 3 ( 4 now ) ... Then the novelty wore off and crying at drop offs ect.”source ↗
“I remember my daughter holding onto the school doorway sobbing about going into PK class.”source ↗
“Full on morning tantrums I am not going to school, not changing, the works.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 6Why does getting kids ready to leave turn into a battle?
- 9How to help a kid who hates middle school
- 14What to do when your elementary schooler refuses to do homework
- 11Preschooler refusing to follow rules and leaving the classroom
- 7Why does my kindergartener hate reading and shut down?
- 4Why does my kid refuse to say hello or goodbye?