Eloping vs traditional wedding when you want family there
Choosing between a big wedding and eloping is difficult because wanting immediate family present quickly turns an intimate elopement into a large gathering of around 60 people. This clash leaves couples trapped between the overwhelming pressure of being the center of attention and the lingering fear of regretting missing out on the traditional wedding experience.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Settle for the cheapest available venue
- 2Cut down the guest list significantly
- 3Host a low-budget wedding using alternative venues like county parks or hotel ballrooms
- 4Opt for casual catering, cash bars, DIY decor, and Spotify playlists instead of professional DJs
- 5Elope with a tiny group and host a backyard party or nice dinner for everyone else afterward, or live stream the ceremony
- 6Having a medium-sized wedding (30-50 guests)
- 7Eloping abroad with just the couple and hosting a separate celebration later
- 8Writing out a preliminary guest list to see how numbers feel
- 9recognize the feeling as misplaced anxiety
- 10figure out what you and your fiancé really want
- 11considering eloping to avoid planning stress and high costs
- 12keeping a small guest list while cutting out traditional reception elements like a dance floor and long hours
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Hi all, my fiance and I are struggling with this. We want the wedding and party but everything is so expensive.”source ↗
“We have talked about eloping but it always goes back to us wanting atleast our immediate family there. The only problem with that is our immediate family is around 60 people (we both have big-ish families).”source ↗
“Another thing is that we don't like being the center of attention and were not huge party people 😭.”source ↗
“We don't know what to do and we feel stuck. 💔”source ↗
“We’re about to book our venue (destination wedding) but it makes me nervous I keep seeing posts about brides wishing they eloped (we strongly considered it). It is a bit nerve wrecking realizing how much it’s going to cost us”source ↗
“did you worry you would regret not having a bigger wedding?”source ↗
“Neither of us loves a lot of attention, and the idea of having 100+ people there, being the center of attention all day, etc. sounds really overwhelming.”source ↗
“At the same time, I don’t want us to be so focused on being frugal that we end up regretting that we didn’t have the “wedding experience” when we had the opportunity to.”source ↗
“I went through a phase where I got overwhelmed, mostly due to work, which bled over into wedding planning regret and I wished we were just eloping”source ↗
“Today I started looking at the cost of everything and a sense of dread washed over me. I knew it wasn’t going to be cheap, but I got quotes from caterers today and I am very overwhelmed.”source ↗
“Additionally, all this planning is stressing me out to no end. I am a big introvert and I don’t like parties. So is my fiancé, that’s why we work so well.”source ↗
“At this point, I’m wondering if we should just elope.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 5How to have a wedding without a formal ceremony
- 2Ceremony and reception at different venues
- 2Is it rude to skip a distant wedding when travel and money are tight?
- 3Inviting people to pre-wedding events who aren't invited to the wedding
- 3Is it okay to use an unconventional first dance song?
- 2Can you actually plan a wedding in just a few months?