How to cope without a village when raising young kids
Losing your primary social support system while raising young children leaves you with no time or energy to make new friends, making it nearly impossible to maintain your sanity or find someone to help you carry the load. Without a trusted network or outlet, the compounding exhaustion of isolation and heavy responsibilities leads to deep grief over the life you built.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Trying to put yourself out there and making an effort to build a new village through messy toddler afternoons and doing things for others.Did this help you?
- 2venting during Friday vent threadsDid this help you?
- 3closing the office door and pretending to be on a webinar to take a mental breakDid this help you?
- 4seeking advice or connection in online professional subredditsDid this help you?
- 5Spending time together through casual activities like going to the park, playing basketball, walking, or throwing a footballDid this help you?
- 6Showing up for important school events and letting them know someone is in their cornerDid this help you?
- 7trying to plan a trip abroad to disconnect and travel to a cheap countryDid this help you?
- 8staying in the current city solely to save money and be around familyDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I am the hr manager. I’m at a loss because I’m expected to listen to everyone else’s issues and struggles, help them with it etc and I do!! But who helps me with mine?”source ↗
“I bring things up to the CEO, mostly to vent to get something off my chest because I feel it’s unprofessional to do it with my subordinates, and he just tells me he doesn’t want to hear it.. I’m exhausted.”source ↗
“I’m grieving this life we have built and not sure how to do this alone without a village.”source ↗
“I’ve had a really hard time trying to make any friends here and with a medically complex infant and a 2.5 year old I don’t really have the time or energy to make new friends.”source ↗
“Does anyone out there have tips for maintaining their sanity while not having any friends they can see IRL?”source ↗
“I went today to pay my little brother school today and saw him at class sitting alone at his class looking at nothing and it just clicked all his behavior his crashouts everything was related, i'm currently sitting in a parking lot just crying my eyes off.”source ↗
“Didn't travel since 2022, just want to leave for a while to disconnect, hence my non-logical plan, which seems, as you said, close to a fever dream.”source ↗
“As for leaving the city I am at, I am just bit hesitant that things might not work out, same with living in another cheaper country.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 2How to go back to work after a coworker's suicide
- 230Why does pet grief last for years?
- 2Why are online career communities so negative?
- 10How to handle toddler grief and behavioral outbursts after a loss
- 9How to deal with emotionally cold and unsupportive parents
- 4How to handle severe depression and isolation at work