How to deal with emotionally cold and unsupportive parents
Growing up with cold, withholding parents who never offer praise or recognition leaves adults feeling damaged and struggling with distress despite achieving success. The persistent lack of validation makes navigating familial obligations feel like an unwanted burden that continually triggers deep-seated emotional pain.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- The most recent one is from October 2026.
- This comes up 16.1× more often in r/Parenting than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1ignoring the student's future social and behavioral needsDid this help you?
- 2leaving it up to future employers to handle vocal quirksDid this help you?
- 3providing informal coaching out of personal care despite a lack of supportDid this help you?
- 4Pushing back on scheduling demands and sticking to personal family plansDid this help you?
- 5Directly asking for specific help rather than expecting family members to offerDid this help you?
- 6Staying with parents to stack cash and save on rentDid this help you?
- 7Lying about personal life and dates to avoid judgmentDid this help you?
- 8Looking for a cheap apartment or roommate situation to regain independenceDid this help you?
- 9Exploring house-sitting gigs to split time away from familyDid this help you?
- 10doing the leg work to call everyone and invite them out for ice cream cake or somethingDid this help you?
- 11relying on text messages rather than phone callsDid this help you?
- 12accepting that family members attended a party held on a different weekend as sufficient effortDid this help you?
- 13Initiating a calm, non-accusatory conversation about the lack of involvementDid this help you?
- 14Suggesting and planning specific activities the grandparent might feel more comfortable doing with the childDid this help you?
- 15Accepting the boundary and focusing on other people in the child's life who genuinely want to show upDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I am feeling infantilized and judged though.”source ↗
“I’m wanting to date as well and have lied to avoid having to talk about dates/my personal life when asked where i’ve been.”source ↗
“I’m torn on what to do and how to weigh the mental effects of staying at home vs being financially responsible.”source ↗
“You are amazing parents. My parents have always been cold and withholding no matter how successful I was and it has really really screwed me up. All I ever wanted was some praise and a “I see you” type gift.”source ↗
“My mom was a great mom, now she sucks as a grandparent. She barely asks about my son, when she sees him she barely talks to him, engage, etc.”source ↗
“I have been so hurt by the lack of involvement from my family in my kids lives.”source ↗
“My child’s birthday was last week and not one person from my family reached out to wish them a happy birthday etc.”source ↗
“the fact that neither of my parents called to say happy birthday or ask how her day was or what we did.”source ↗
“My son didn't get a single phone call on his 3rd birthday. Not one.”source ↗
“My mum was a selfish woman when I was young, she’s seen my 18 month old son once. I don’t know why but it still surprised me.”source ↗
“My mom was great with my sisters kids 10 years ago. Now with my kids she is not the same person.”source ↗
“I don't think I have unrealistic expectations. I think I have hurt feelings, and would want/hope she would open up and be a good grandparent”source ↗
“For as long as I’ve been a mom (7 years), my parents have always looked for me to accommodate them in seeing our children, versus the other way around.”source ↗
“They guilt me constantly which is so bizarre because I lived up the street and barely saw hou.”source ↗
“I kinda envisioned family that would step in and ask when we needed help or care about me and my load and want to make things easier on me versus harder.”source ↗
“This year I got a student who is autistic but the family has refused testing over the years., so he is undiagnosed / no IEP despite yearly attempts, so that leads to today.”source ↗
“It just seems that I am morally obligated to help, but seems like a hot potato better left alone.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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- 4Why is wedding planning with unhelpful family so stressful?