What to do when your ex belittles your child's interests
When a co-parent undermines your child's activities or exposes them to toxic environments like yelling and drinking, you lose control over what happens during the other parent's care. This leaves you dealing with your child's behavioral fallout at home while feeling completely exhausted by the lack of influence over who is around them.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1remaining neutral when the child talks about the other parentDid this help you?
- 2reassuring the child and talking through negative commentsDid this help you?
- 3handling all transportation and logistics for the child's activities aloneDid this help you?
- 4talking to the ex-partner directly to set boundariesDid this help you?
- 5documenting incidents and threatening legal action or involving a lawyerDid this help you?
- 6asking the ex to agree that only the biological parent should discipline the childrenDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“For divorced parents (and anyone else who can give an opinion); what would you do if you found out that your ex husband’s girlfriend was shouting in your children’s face as a form of discipline?”source ↗
“this week, my son came back home with an attitude. A lot of back talking and getting angry over stupid things. Usually when this happens, it means his father said something that upset him”source ↗
“Yesterday, I found out what it really was; his father told him that karate was just a scam. Among other things, he said that any of the skills that he's learning won't be useful in a real fight... and the whole thing is just a scam to get money.”source ↗
“This is just the tip of the iceberg and I'm so exhausted.”source ↗
“I had an issue with my Ex’s partner getting drunk and cursing at my son.”source ↗
“It's one of the hardest parts of co parenting. If your kids are in danger, it's one thing. But you lose control over who is around your children while they're in their dad's care”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 23How to deal with judgmental parents who criticize everything
- 16Why does my partner undermine my rules with the kids?
- 9How to deal with emotionally cold and unsupportive parents
- 5How to help your child adjust to shared custody
- 10Why did my admin make me meet an angry parent alone?
- 18Why does my child say they hate everything they love?