Why do I change my mind every day about having kids?
Oscillating daily between wanting children and feeling like it is a terrible idea leaves people stuck in indecision. This constant back-and-forth makes it impossible to reach a definitive choice about family size or moving forward with a second child.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- The most recent one is from October 2026.
- This comes up 16.0× more often in r/Parenting than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Asking parents for their perspective on the best parts of having childrenDid this help you?
- 2Waiting for years to see if the hesitant partner changes their mindDid this help you?
- 3Postponing the decision while weighing the potential risks of aging and lost timeDid this help you?
- 4Discussing the dilemma with online parenting forums or considering therapyDid this help you?
- 5Seeking perspective from others who went through the decision or were only children themselvesDid this help you?
- 6Reasoning that a larger age gap and flexibility with scheduling will make the transition easierDid this help you?
- 7Keeping down payment funds in a high-yield savings account instead of investing themDid this help you?
- 8Living off a simulated lower income to test future sustainability before income changes occurDid this help you?
- 9Analyzing the pros and cons lists of having another child versus being doneDid this help you?
- 10Weighing financial constraints, college funds, and individual room space against the desire for another childDid this help you?
- 11Evaluating current family bandwidth, time for existing children, and marriage prioritizationDid this help you?
- 12Meeting with a genetic counselorDid this help you?
- 13Undergoing genetic testingDid this help you?
- 14Using IVF with PGT-A and PGT-M testing to screen embryosDid this help you?
- 15Waiting longer to decideDid this help you?
- 16Discussing potential age gaps and what they are like with other parentsDid this help you?
- 17Relying on partner's assurance that they don't have to have more if not wantedDid this help you?
- 18Cutting household spendingDid this help you?
- 19Delaying family expansion until debt is paid off and emergency savings are rebuiltDid this help you?
- 20diverting extra mortgage payments into a brokerageDid this help you?
- 21trying to time the market with lump sum investmentsDid this help you?
- 22Waiting for a large age gap between older and younger children to make the transition easierDid this help you?
- 23Remaining one and done to preserve personal freedom and financial stabilityDid this help you?
- 24Waiting for a larger age gap between childrenDid this help you?
- 25Discussing motivations and concerns thoroughly with a partnerDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I desperately do not want to start over with a newborn.”source ↗
“Does anyone else feel like this? Does it go away?”source ↗
“Should I just get it over with?”source ↗
“I love my kids individually , but together I am so drained I am not enjoying it.”source ↗
“While wife would like to have one more, she’s not sure if we should have two under two.”source ↗
“don’t get excited by the idea of dissolving all my time behind just raising two children and forgetting about myself in the process.”source ↗
“Not to mention the financial burden and not being able to retire early - which I can now with just one.”source ↗
“I change my mind every day on whether to have kids or not. One day am all in, the next day it seems like the worst idea ever.”source ↗
“three is kicking my butt. Still, my wife is wanting a fourth. For those parents who have four kids, how did you decide to continue growing your family? Did you feel like you had it all together at three and could keep going? Did you already feel overwhelmed and figured what’s one more?”source ↗
“There is no guarantee that siblings will get on, so if it's only to have a built in friend, then that might not be enough.”source ↗
“Basically he’d rather be one and done and I’m still wanting a second.”source ↗
“He feels like he’s aged a lot with the first.”source ↗
“I can accept only having one but every time I imagine not having a second, I feel sad.”source ↗
“I want one more, but I feel like time is not on my side.”source ↗
“I currently have a 4.5 year old son. My husband and I have thought about the idea of having another child, but I cannot make up my mind.”source ↗
“The thought of my son having a sibling makes me feel better, and the thought of having another baby also is sometimes so appealing. I have guilt if my son is an only child. But then I think about how much I struggled with my first.”source ↗
“At this point, I’m torturing myself(and my wife) over the decision to have one last baby.”source ↗
“This decision feels like torture and I think I’m just hoping someone has some kind of perspective that can help me decide one way or another.”source ↗
“I'm not sure exactly what I’m looking for here, but here are my concerns, in no particular order.”source ↗
“I have a condition that can potentially pass down to my child in a few different forms.”source ↗
“How did you manage the [potential] guilt. Did anything help you in this situation? I'm at such a loss and I just need to hear from some parents who have gone through it.”source ↗
“We have been discussing having a second child but I have anxiety about our budget.”source ↗
“It feels very tight every month and we do not even go out and do anything.”source ↗
“I also delayed investing a lump sum back in 2024 so I have been down and feeling like I missed the boat big time.”source ↗
“We would love to look at buying a house in the next year or two hence the large HYSA balance but still not sure if that is smart.”source ↗
“Just not convinced that the market risk is worth it with that purchase on the horizon?”source ↗
“I get nervous with potentially trying for kids and my wife going to part time or no work. Not sure how sustainable that is for our future goals.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 57How do I know if getting another pet is a mistake?
- 6How to handle wedding roles and getting ready without a bridal party
- 8How do you know when you're done having kids?
- 12Is a short weekend trip worth the time and money?
- 14How to choose where to move to raise a family
- 2Should we cancel our trip if our toddler has a fever?