Should I let my child quit their activity?
Deciding whether to push through a setback or let a child quit leaves parents trapped between guilt over forcing them and fear of teaching them to give up too easily. This uncertainty makes it agonizing to figure out whether an activity has become genuinely harmful, such as causing panic or distress, or just requires more persistence.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Talking through challenges with instructorsDid this help you?
- 2Setting a rule that they cannot quit unless they replace it with another non-screen hobbyDid this help you?
- 3Practicing together at home to build confidence and overcome hurdlesDid this help you?
- 4Taking a break from lessons and swimming as a family insteadDid this help you?
- 5Switching to a different teacher or private one-on-one lessonsDid this help you?
- 6Pushing through the difficulty until basic safety skills are masteredDid this help you?
- 7Pulling children out of travel sports entirelyDid this help you?
- 8Considering homeschooling to manage the scheduleDid this help you?
- 9allowing the child to quit sports and focus on theater or dance insteadDid this help you?
- 10maintaining personal fitness and physical activity routines like yoga and school gym class rather than joining team sportsDid this help you?
- 11Contacting coaches to ask for observations and supportDid this help you?
- 12Helping the child write out a pros and cons listDid this help you?
- 13Exploring alternative supporting roles on the team such as a team managerDid this help you?
- 14Switching to a different activity or sport on land with fewer unpredictable elementsDid this help you?
- 15letting children skip the performance or opt outDid this help you?
- 16asking the school for back-of-house roles like set design, sound, lighting, or passing out programsDid this help you?
- 17offering rewards or treats after participationDid this help you?
- 18holding firm and making participation mandatoryDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I have had it with travel sports any my kids aren’t even 10. Is there going back?”source ↗
“We have missed vacations, staying up late on Fridays (early Saturday games), parties, etc.”source ↗
“I guess this week I finally had it. 4 soccer practices, 3 basketball practices, 3 soccer games, and two basketball games (for child 1).”source ↗
“She really doesn't like swimming lessons, but is it time to stop, or just push through?”source ↗
“My 4th grader's school puts on a giant performance every year that includes pretty much every student. This year, he is adamant that he does not want to participate.”source ↗
“I have tried a few persuasion strategies so far: Telling him the importance of working as a team with his class, explaining the benefits of challenging oneself, pointing out that he can never develop skills without actually practicing, etc.”source ↗
“Right now, I'm thinking that if I can't persuade him, I may just relent and find other ways to work on these behaviors. Would this be a mistake?”source ↗
“I remember being forced to do embarrassing choreography for school events, and I haaaated it. I now have a very outgoing 14 year old who loves performing, and a 10 year old who would be mortified to do a dance in front of an audience. I'd let your kid skip this one.”source ↗
“I feel like I am failing him by not letting him give up, but I feel like I will also be failing him by letting him quit.”source ↗
“Am I doing the wrong thing by encouraging him to keep at it? Am I forcing him or encouraging him at this point? I just dont know what to do anymore”source ↗
“Thanks for the reply! We stopped for 3 months because of summer break, and now she is very scared about starting again, I am worrried she might cry during class.”source ↗
“I stopped lessons for my 6-year-old because she was getting worse and not better in the water. Towards the end she was even experiencing panicking behavior.”source ↗
“At what point do you let them give up on a sport?”source ↗
“Early teen has tried several sports and always quits after the minimum month we require. She’s miserable until then and then is happy when she stops. Do we keep trying?”source ↗
“She always gets really sad and begs to be let out. I ask her to stay at least a month. She does and then promptly quits and is bubbly again.”source ↗
“She says she’s miserable because she can’t breathe for most of practice and she never wants to go back again.”source ↗
“She says the constantly changing wind scares her, gets extremely upset about practice, and says sailing fills her with dread.”source ↗
“What we're struggling with is whether to let her quit *because she's afraid*.”source ↗
“If your daughter is to the point of being over threshold and panicking, then it won't be a learning experience anyways.”source ↗
“I'm 44 and these forced school performances eventually led to panic attacks during the actual performances. In college, it was so bad that the disability office excused me from all presentations.”source ↗
“As a 40y old with now severe social and general anxiety, being made to perform has made everything much worse. Not every kid enjoys being on a stage and perform, and for some kids it increases anxiety a lot.”source ↗