Why am I anxious instead of excited after getting engaged?
Engagement anxiety and dread often happen when the reality of a massive life change triggers panic rather than the expected pure excitement. This unexpected dread makes people question if their relationship is wrong or if they are simply not normal for feeling this way.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Talking to the partner about the feelings
- 2Reading books like The Complete Guide for the Anxious Bride
- 3Going to therapy or premarital counseling
- 4Practicing meditation to stop spiraling thoughts
- 5Taking the pressure off and treating the wedding as just a party
- 6Staying engaged for a long time or planning a small wedding
- 7Using detailed wedding planning spreadsheets with checklists and budget sheets
- 8Reading wedding planning guides and books like A Practical Wedding Planner
- 9Following step-by-step advice to prioritize the budget, guest list, time of year, and venue
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I have been battling this feeling that I don't feel all the oh-my-god excitement that I think I'm supposed to feel.”source ↗
“When I think about our wedding I just spiral about how I don't know if I feel emotionally ready for this, if that makes sense.”source ↗
“It just feels terrifying and like my whole life is going to change, and I'm not excited like I should be”source ↗
“I tried to ask a few other friends who had recently gotten married if it felt weird and nobody would talk about it.”source ↗
“I remember when I got engaged I felt out of body and literally cried in the night because I didn’t feel the way I thought I “should” feel.”source ↗
“I was a wreck the first month of our relationship and then the two months leading up to us moving in together.”source ↗
“I absolutely adored my boyfriend/fiancé and knew I wanted to be with him forever, but was filled with dread when he proposed because it was way sooner than I expected.”source ↗
“I never truly felt excited about much of it, to be very honest.”source ↗
“Now proposal is on the horizon, and guess what's bad? "Am I going to feel anxious when he proposes? Is that a sign? Do normal girls feel this way?"”source ↗
“problem: where the actual hell do i start?”source ↗
Where this came up
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