Why do I feel so behind when I compare my child to other kids?
Constant comparisons to peers who master subjects and extracurriculars quickly trigger heavy anxiety and depression in parents, leaving them terrified their child will lack confidence or competitiveness. Watching other children easily accomplish in minutes what takes their own child a week feeds a deep fear that their kid is falling behind and won't survive upcoming school transitions like middle school.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1keeping activities away from classmatesDid this help you?
- 2letting him do stuff for fun rather than trying to be the bestDid this help you?
- 3not giving him any pressure to do well on anythingDid this help you?
- 4Encouraging growth in areas the child is good atDid this help you?
- 5Providing love, support, and necessary resourcesDid this help you?
- 6Teaching the child how to learnDid this help you?
- 7deciding not to make differences a competition or a household 'thing'Did this help you?
- 8treating children as individuals with distinct needs rather than competing metricsDid this help you?
- 9sending children to standard public school instead of expensive specialized institutionsDid this help you?
- 10Waiting for more time to passDid this help you?
- 11Attending early stimulation classesDid this help you?
- 12Looking at the bigger picture of overall development rather than a single indicatorDid this help you?
- 13Waiting for the child to naturally mature developmentallyDid this help you?
- 14Trying to ignore the critical family member's commentsDid this help you?
- 15Getting an evaluation for early intervention programsDid this help you?
- 16Looking into physical therapy exercises for crawling and standingDid this help you?
- 17Engaging more with the child on the floorDid this help you?
- 18modeling gestures like clapping and waving in daily lifeDid this help you?
- 19talking, singing, and reading to the childDid this help you?
- 20waiting and giving the child time to develop at their own paceDid this help you?
- 21Supplementing school with home learning, reading, writing, and math exercisesDid this help you?
- 22Meeting with the teacher to discuss teaching methods and intentionsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“He just is not smart and lacks common sense.”source ↗
“This is his last year in elementary, and I am so worried about middle school.”source ↗
“Can anyone provide advice on how they've dealt with a similar dynamic, where one child is just naturally far more gifted than another?”source ↗
“We have to make a decision about my son's next step now, before he starts first grade... The types of schools that may be a best fit for my son will likely not be the best fit for my daughter. Moreover, private schools are expensive... I don't know what to do.”source ↗
“I’m starting to have a lot of anxiety on how fast other people can learn and surpass him.”source ↗
“I would see how easy it is for the other kids to do what my kid takes a week to do and just feel depressed…”source ↗
“How would do you guys deal with this kind anxiety? Everyone around him is good at school plus two or three extra skills they are good at and I’m just scared overtime he would not feel confidence and competitive in this world..”source ↗
“My dads been making comments when he comes to pick up my son for daycare, Saying my son should be already out of nappies at bedtime and be folding his clothes. Saying he’s behind, but his nappies are still wet overnight.”source ↗
“I don’t know why it gets to me so much 😕😕”source ↗
“Is holding his head up for a few seconds when held around the waist or on my shoulder enough for head control? Otherwise it just drops.”source ↗
“And on tummy time. He’ll hardly lift. Just enough to clear his nose and turn his head (if he can be bothered). He can’t do it like high by like pressing on his arms/shoulders.”source ↗
“Just wondering if this is in line with anyone or do I need to like send him to physio”source ↗
“I’m a bit concerned her babbling should be more consistent by now? Anyone experience this?”source ↗
“being a mum is so stressful!”source ↗
“it’s always something to worry about!”source ↗
“Just hard not to worry!”source ↗
“I was feeling SO bad about it watching all of my friends kids hit these milestones so much earlier than him.”source ↗
“My baby is almost 1 year old. His development is worrying me. He does not clap, wave nor does he imitate any gestures.”source ↗
“I am a FTM and am worried especially when people started questioning me about his milestones.”source ↗
“I have been teaching him clapping and waving, even modeling it in our daily lives but he isnt interested. I am feeling exhausted and defeated.”source ↗
“Its his communication I am worried about”source ↗
“I feel like I’ve failed her or didn’t do enough she’s still not standing or walking and just seeing my friends post their kids who were born around the same time as her or even after already on the move I feel a lil jealous because I wish she was at that stage.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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- 3How to know what your kid did at school all day
- 20Why do I feel so far behind in my career compared to others?