Why do I feel so behind when I compare my child to other kids?
Constant comparisons to peers who master subjects and extracurriculars quickly trigger heavy anxiety and depression in parents, leaving them terrified their child will lack confidence or competitiveness. Watching other children easily accomplish in minutes what takes their own child a week feeds a deep fear that their kid is falling behind and won't survive upcoming school transitions like middle school.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1keeping activities away from classmates
- 2letting him do stuff for fun rather than trying to be the best
- 3not giving him any pressure to do well on anything
- 4Encouraging growth in areas the child is good at
- 5Providing love, support, and necessary resources
- 6Teaching the child how to learn
- 7deciding not to make differences a competition or a household 'thing'
- 8treating children as individuals with distinct needs rather than competing metrics
- 9sending children to standard public school instead of expensive specialized institutions
- 10Waiting for more time to pass
- 11Attending early stimulation classes
- 12Looking at the bigger picture of overall development rather than a single indicator
- 13Waiting for the child to naturally mature developmentally
- 14Trying to ignore the critical family member's comments
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“He just is not smart and lacks common sense.”source ↗
“This is his last year in elementary, and I am so worried about middle school.”source ↗
“Can anyone provide advice on how they've dealt with a similar dynamic, where one child is just naturally far more gifted than another?”source ↗
“We have to make a decision about my son's next step now, before he starts first grade... The types of schools that may be a best fit for my son will likely not be the best fit for my daughter. Moreover, private schools are expensive... I don't know what to do.”source ↗
“I’m starting to have a lot of anxiety on how fast other people can learn and surpass him.”source ↗
“I would see how easy it is for the other kids to do what my kid takes a week to do and just feel depressed…”source ↗
“How would do you guys deal with this kind anxiety? Everyone around him is good at school plus two or three extra skills they are good at and I’m just scared overtime he would not feel confidence and competitive in this world..”source ↗
“My dads been making comments when he comes to pick up my son for daycare, Saying my son should be already out of nappies at bedtime and be folding his clothes. Saying he’s behind, but his nappies are still wet overnight.”source ↗
“I don’t know why it gets to me so much 😕😕”source ↗
“I’m a bit concerned her babbling should be more consistent by now? Anyone experience this?”source ↗
“being a mum is so stressful!”source ↗
“it’s always something to worry about!”source ↗
“Just hard not to worry!”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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