How to comfort a high schooler who tries hard but gets bad results
When a teenager puts in maximum effort but still experiences minimal academic or athletic results, it can lead to intense emotional distress, tears in the car, and an all-around depressed mood. This discouragement stops them from coping with disappointment and can cause them to quit or break down under the weight of unmet expectations.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Affirming the child's feelings using nonviolent communication
- 2Reframing away from immediate results and focusing on the effort, personal progress, or passing grades
- 3Evaluating whether the child still finds the activity fun despite the lack of success
- 4Assessing underlying issues like missed fundamentals, test anxiety, learning disabilities, or lack of natural talent
- 5Taking the child to specialty shoe stores for running analysis
- 6Running alongside the child for practice
- 7Scheduling a doctor's appointment to check lab work
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“She gets in the car and explodes in to tears.”source ↗
“She didn’t even finish the first meet.”source ↗
“It’s changed her mood all-around. She’s just bummed out.”source ↗
“How would a parent console a child (high school age, though information for younger is fine) that feels sad when they put in more than enough effort, but the results are minimal?”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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- 6How to help a young child who gets easily embarrassed
- 2Why does my child get angry when I praise them?