How to help a child who refuses to play sports from anxiety
Children experiencing severe match-day anxiety may avoid playing entirely by refusing to get out of the car or faking injuries to escape the game. This intense nervousness prevents them from participating in sports and enjoying athletic activities comfortably.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1considering letting the child quit soccerDid this help you?
- 2looking for reading or viewing material on handling pressureDid this help you?
- 3Practicing at home where she feels comfortable getting close and trying to take the ballDid this help you?
- 4Setting little goals for the next practice or game like getting a touch on the ball every timeDid this help you?
- 5Praising what she did well and discussing how to approach things next timeDid this help you?
- 6Keeping participation limited to low-pressure, spaced-out home meets or scrimmages a few times a yearDid this help you?
- 7Focusing entirely on beating personal best times instead of winning heats or comparing against peersDid this help you?
- 8Traveling to and from events with a friend to make it more tolerableDid this help you?
- 9Using resilience exercises, coping strategies, and framing a 'competition persona'Did this help you?
- 10Stepping all the way back from outcomes and just providing transportation and moral support.Did this help you?
- 11Asking the team coach to assign at-home practice drills so the instruction comes from an authority figure rather than the parent.Did this help you?
- 12Playing upbeat music during low-pressure backyard practice sessions to make it feel fun rather than forced.Did this help you?
- 13Reminding the child of other difficult things they successfully learned to do in the past.Did this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My kid is bad at soccer. And not the “he’s trying and putting in effort but is bad” but is like “runs from the ball and completely freezes up and stares at it if it miraculously comes right to his feet” But he is the one that keeps asking us to sign him up for soccer.”source ↗
“I don’t know what else to say or do. To motivate Or get him to at least challenge the ball if it’s in his sphere of influence.”source ↗
“On the field, however, with all the other kids running around and the screaming parents and the chaos, she quickly becomes overwhelmed and ends up just kind of running along the outside of the group of kids and not really contributing much.”source ↗
“she's expressed that she's frustrated that she doesn't usually manage to kick the ball during a game and she's never scored a goal.”source ↗
“More than that, though, her coach this season isn't putting her on the field as much as her teammates, and she's noticed.”source ↗
“My 11 y.o. daughter is similar. I have her do 1-2 meets per year. Her team also has “block parties,” which are like in-house meets with official timing, and I sign her up for all of those.”source ↗
“Following because my son has the same problem.”source ↗
“However, she hates racing. She absolutely breaks down, does not like the day, I have to coach her through the whole experience, etc.”source ↗
“Now that we are signing up for the next, a month away, she is beside herself refusing to compete, just wants to practice.”source ↗
“My daughter struggles with this in volleyball.”source ↗
“She just says “I hate racing” and cries, and then deflects until I stop asking, and then I bring it up again and the same.”source ↗
“I personally was just too unfit and dragging my team down, it hurt at first when my parents told me I wasnt good enough but looking back im glad they did since I was able to find hobbies that were less expensive and something I was good at.”source ↗
“If I tell my daughter to practice, half the time she tells me I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m looking at the wrong things, I’m asking her to do something she can’t do at home, etc.”source ↗
“He gets very nervous before big matches and sometimes he wont get out of the car or fakes an injury to avoid it or get taken off early.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 6How to help a young child who gets easily embarrassed
- 2How to comfort a high schooler who tries hard but gets bad results
- 2How to handle a child who has to win every game
- 9How to help a kid who hates middle school
- 10How to handle toddler grief and behavioral outbursts after a loss
- 2What to do when your kid is always on a losing sports team