How to handle a child who has to win every game
Young children with an obsessive need to win often prioritize victory over relationships, arguing even when friends are upset or resorting to hitting during games. This intense, competitive behavior makes it difficult for parents to set boundaries, teach empathy, or help their kids maintain a healthy relationship with achievement.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1celebrate both winning and losing during games
- 2back off sometimes to let the child win
- 3praise effort instead of skill or ability
- 4Setting strict screen time rules at night
- 5Encouraging participation in non-academic hobbies
- 6Rewarding effort rather than just results
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“She's also intensely competitive and borderline obsessive, and setting boundaries is getting harder.”source ↗
“My dilemma is now this. Her school has recommended her for a selective program run jointly with another private school... It's a lot.”source ↗
“My question is mainly that if she joins the program, which seems likely, what can we realistically do as parents to help her keep a healthier relationship with achievement?”source ↗
“I keep trying to tell my 4.5 yo that 1) not everything is a competition 2) relationships matter more than winning e.g. if friend is crying don't keep arguing about winning or losing 3) just because I praise (insert name) doesn't mean I don't praise you”source ↗
“Every time I comment on something like 'thank you for picking that up!' he'll say he does it too, or say he is better than his brother at something.”source ↗
“Today he hit his brother in a game and we stopped and he wasn't apologetic, just upset that he didn't get a chance to win”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 8How to handle a child hanging out with bad influence friends
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- 20How to handle biting and hitting in toddlers
- 7Why does my child behave at school but act out at home?
- 11How to motivate a child who doesn't care about punishments
- 10Why does my child say they hate everything they love?