How to handle biting and hitting in toddlers
Young children often resort to biting, hitting, and hair-pulling out of frustration or when told no, sometimes resulting in injury. Parents dealing with these intense, defiant behaviors are left feeling exhausted and uncertain about how to respond or whether this phase will ever end.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- Most of it landed at once — the busiest month was September 2026, with 25 people.
- This comes up 17.9× more often in r/Parenting than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Saying a stern noDid this help you?
- 2Removing hands or pulling awayDid this help you?
- 3Trying to redirectDid this help you?
- 4Withdrawing attention briefly as a consequenceDid this help you?
- 5Trying to figure out the triggerDid this help you?
- 6Using a crate to force the puppy to switch off and sleepDid this help you?
- 7Practicing collar grabs and handlingDid this help you?
- 8Looking into help from a professional trainer and asking for adviceDid this help you?
- 9holding boundariesDid this help you?
- 10roleplaying alternative scenariosDid this help you?
- 11looking into child psychologistsDid this help you?
- 12maintaining consistent consequencesDid this help you?
- 13putting him in timeoutsDid this help you?
- 14reminding him to keep his hands to himselfDid this help you?
- 15Going to therapyDid this help you?
- 16Keeping routines predictableDid this help you?
- 17Implementing ways to express emotionsDid this help you?
- 18Trying to remain consistent with rules and boundariesDid this help you?
- 19sending disruptive students to the officeDid this help you?
- 20having supportive administration or free staff push in to assistDid this help you?
- 21refusing to engage in power struggles and immediately removing the studentDid this help you?
- 22putting all the knives awayDid this help you?
- 23seeing a psychologistDid this help you?
- 24calm reminders, loss of privileges, and time outDid this help you?
- 25Being patient through the adjustment periodDid this help you?
- 26Giving the older child a lot of attentionDid this help you?
- 27Telling the child not to do the behaviorDid this help you?
- 28Using time outs when the child acts outDid this help you?
- 29Waiting it out until the baby becomes less novelDid this help you?
- 30using positive reinforcement tools such as secret students, reward point jars, class currency, and Fun FridayDid this help you?
- 31increasing vocal volume to get students to hear instructionsDid this help you?
- 32using attention-getting devices like ringing a bellDid this help you?
- 33making students practice quiet transitions repeatedly and re-earn specialsDid this help you?
- 34writing the names of quiet kids on the board and giving out stickers for instant gratificationDid this help you?
- 35using a moving plushie reward for the quietest tableDid this help you?
- 36Holding firm boundaries and following throughDid this help you?
- 37Talking through things with the childDid this help you?
- 38Giving choices and independence wherever possibleDid this help you?
- 39Waiting for the developmental phase to passDid this help you?
- 40Keeping children away from the environmentDid this help you?
- 41Avoiding telling the parents out of fear of awkwardness or conflictDid this help you?
- 42Getting the dog neutered / fixedDid this help you?
- 43Consulting a professional dog trainerDid this help you?
- 44Consulting a veterinarian to rule out underlying pain or medical issuesDid this help you?
- 45Implementing strict lead and obedience trainingDid this help you?
- 46Reading parenting books and self-regulation guides like Raising Good HumansDid this help you?
- 47Trying gentle parenting techniques like limited choices and calm explanationsDid this help you?
- 48Taking the child somewhere quiet during meltdowns to talk out feelingsDid this help you?
- 49Enforcing time-outs and loss of privilegesDid this help you?
- 50Consulting parenting articles, classes, and shows like SupernannyDid this help you?
- 51Working with the school to use consistent responses and behavioral scriptsDid this help you?
- 52Giving children alternatives to aggression like deep breaths or stomping feetDid this help you?
- 53Labeling emotions constantly and modeling emotional regulationDid this help you?
- 54Using discipline methods like losing privileges and short time outsDid this help you?
- 55Reading parenting books such as Happiest Toddler on the BlockDid this help you?
- 56Disciplining in various ways such as putting the child in the corner, making her sit down, taking away toys, talking calmly, or scoldingDid this help you?
- 57Trying to stick with potty training for several daysDid this help you?
- 58Using time outs, gentle hands reminders, raising voices, and taking toys awayDid this help you?
- 59Physically restraining the child in the act and clearly stating enforcement boundariesDid this help you?
- 60Teaching the child to use their words or ask for help when frustratedDid this help you?
- 61purchasing new fidgets and sensory itemsDid this help you?
- 62using smelly stickers to help with calming scentsDid this help you?
- 63referring the student to the school psychologist or social workerDid this help you?
- 64collecting data to reconvene the IEP team for adjustmentsDid this help you?
- 65seeking school or private behavioral evaluationsDid this help you?
- 66using predictable routines and visual picture schedules at homeDid this help you?
- 67reading stories about personal space and discussing charactersDid this help you?
- 68Telling the child it hurts and making a dramatic face or cryingDid this help you?
- 69Grabbing the child's arm mid-hit and telling them to stopDid this help you?
- 70Stopping the current activity and stating refusal to play when hitDid this help you?
- 71Removing the child to their room or away from the environment with minimal attentionDid this help you?
- 72Physically stopping the attack while stating limitsDid this help you?
- 73Popping the child's hands backDid this help you?
- 74Redirecting the child at homeDid this help you?
- 75Teaching breathing techniquesDid this help you?
- 76Practicing asking for helpDid this help you?
- 77Talking about what to do when upsetDid this help you?
- 78removing electronicsDid this help you?
- 79practicing gentle parentingDid this help you?
- 80taking the child to therapyDid this help you?
- 81seeking extra one-on-one school supportDid this help you?
- 82talking to the child about where their anger is coming fromDid this help you?
- 83setting consequences like taking away TV privilegesDid this help you?
- 84yelling out of frustrationDid this help you?
- 85keeping distance and giving the child the cold shoulderDid this help you?
- 86punishing the child and taking away their belongingsDid this help you?
- 87seeking advice online from parenting forumsDid this help you?
- 88Meeting them a bit less and spending more time as a familyDid this help you?
- 89Preparing the child before meeting with friends on different situations and giving them the confidence to walk awayDid this help you?
- 90Teaching kids that if other kids are mean they aren't your friend and only playing with kids that treat them how they want to be treatedDid this help you?
- 91Using time-outs or sending the child to their roomDid this help you?
- 92Redirecting the child or trying to practice gentle petsDid this help you?
- 93Keeping the child and pets strictly separated or blocked from certain areasDid this help you?
- 94Providing alternative objects like a large squishmallow to hug aggressivelyDid this help you?
- 95Considering rehoming the petsDid this help you?
- 96Taking away video games / Gameboy timeDid this help you?
- 97Cancelling play datesDid this help you?
- 98Withholding treatsDid this help you?
- 99Withholding playing togetherDid this help you?
- 100Assigning extra choresDid this help you?
- 101Giving lenient treatment due to life changes like renovationsDid this help you?
- 102Escalating consequences when the behavior continuesDid this help you?
- 103Picking the child up, setting them down across the room, and firmly saying no before walking awayDid this help you?
- 104Blocking the headbutt with a forearm so that it hurts them slightly and they stopDid this help you?
- 105Leaning back to keep the face out of reach, saying no, and putting the child down without laughing or giving attentionDid this help you?
- 106trying to stay calm and minimize damageDid this help you?
- 107waiting for the phase to passDid this help you?
- 108Going for runs or engaging in physical activityDid this help you?
- 109Constantly intervening and telling children to stopDid this help you?
- 110Implementing 5-minute time-outs for bad attitudes or threats, and 10-minute time-outs for physical violence.Did this help you?
- 111giving the child graceDid this help you?
- 112talking about why they get angryDid this help you?
- 113using time outsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Yesterday, he found a sharp knife and wanted to stab my wife in the eyes.”source ↗
“My wife has scratches on her face and a loose tooth.”source ↗
“5 sessions and not a single piece of advice, only recommended to do a psychiatric evaluation which would cost us $2.5k out of pocket.”source ↗
“I’m worried that something really bad is going to happen.”source ↗
“We are facing an unsustainable escalation of defiant, disrespectful, and physically aggressive behavior at home from our intensely bright 8-year-old firstborn”source ↗
“We have tried every standard playbook of consequences and reward systems, but he just does not give a shit”source ↗
“my son is 3.5 and constantly hitting other kids at preschool.”source ↗
“Hes a good kid, hes smart he does also play but still keeps hitting.”source ↗
“my kid is 9 always having a meltdown, outburst, rage.”source ↗
“when i discipline him he makes himself sick idk how but he can suddenly ill high temp 100-102.”source ↗
“he said i always get punished anyway what else more i can lose i dont have anything my thing back.”source ↗
“im so lost”source ↗
“im losing my mind”source ↗
“I am really struggling to stay calm and model emotional regulation and compassion for my extremely difficult 5 year old. He is defiant across contexts.”source ↗
“I know parent training would help but we don’t have the time or money right now.”source ↗
“I am at a loss for how to help my 4 year old son.”source ↗
“This week he started preschool and it has been an absolutely nightmare... He has been pushing kids and hitting and spitting at his teachers and throwing things at them when they seperate him to calm him down.”source ↗
“I dont know why he's becoming aggressive with me, both verbally and physically.”source ↗
“If i ask him to do/not do something that he doesnt agree with then he tells me hes going to slap me.”source ↗
“Doesn't seem to be making a difference, in the moment hes upset about it and afterwards apologies to me with a cuddle. But long term it doesnt change anything.”source ↗
“I dont know what iv done or am doing wrong thats making him be this way or if its an age/stage thing, or worse..its his personality.”source ↗
“My son is really struggling with a quick reaction time to anger. His pre-school teacher is sending emails daily with recaps on how he yelled, hit, and pushed other children.”source ↗
“It's very distressing to hear that he's going through this at school, and concerns me that he might not be permitted in the classroom much longer.”source ↗
“He does it to me at home too, out of frustration, being told no and not getting his way”source ↗
“My 18 mo when she gets told no or when she gets frustrated will just try to bite you, on occasion she will hit too or pull hair.”source ↗
“The other day she bit so hard I started bleeding”source ↗
“7 year old SD behaviour is out of control, she is screaming at her mum, hitting her mum, not listening, calling her names and being nasty.”source ↗
“Now she has started screaming in our 2 year olds face, scaring her to the point where she has peed herself.”source ↗
“7 year old will not sleep in the night and today woke our 2 year old up due to her screaming at the top of her lungs at 3am.”source ↗
“My 2 year old was freaked out, crying & saying that it has scared her.”source ↗
“Parenting right now just feels like I’m in hard mode all of the time.”source ↗
“He is so strong willed. Does not listen to us at all. Is a hitter, biter, etc.”source ↗
“I am struggling to figure out what will get through to him or wondering if these challenging behaviors have an end point.”source ↗
“I just don’t know what to do.”source ↗
“just the daily feedback from the teachers that “he had a hard day” “still hitting a lot” is just very soul crushing”source ↗
“Now, his new teacher is raising similar concerns and wants him evaluated again. He has been pushing and grabbing for toys, bumping feet under tables, and pinching kids during downtime like circle time.”source ↗
“The pushing, grabbing, and overall lack of impulse control are definitely worse now than they were a few months ago.”source ↗
“My kid doesn't really care when I talk to her about her behavior (i.e. "hitting/kicking is not okay/nice" and she seems completely unfazed by time out.”source ↗
“Over the last few weeks, my 4 year old’s teachers have reported that he’s started hitting classmates. This is completely new behavior.”source ↗
“I’ve also noticed he’s started swatting at me occasionally at home, which is new too, but when I correct him, he immediately apologizes.”source ↗
“Has anyone dealt with a sudden behavior change like this at 4? What else can I do at home to help him handle frustration without hitting?”source ↗
“I’m honestly at a point where I don’t really know what to do anymore”source ↗
“The biggest issue I’m struggling with right now is his behavior and attitude.”source ↗
“He will not do gentle pets. It’s always squeezes and rough and the cats are scared and I’m worried he will hurt them or they will hurt him.”source ↗
“Our son has been having behavior issues this week hitting other kids, taking their food and not listening to teachers. He continues this at home to a smaller degree and we are stressed.”source ↗
“Our daughter likes to tease him on return and constantly can’t entertain herself. It is frustrating all round. I feel myself not handling their antics nearly as well as I would want to.”source ↗
“He will not listen, tells, screams, tries to break his toys, yells at his little sister.”source ↗
“I’ve tried talking about why he gets angry or does things but he just doubles down.”source ↗
“Time outs don’t seem to work. I don’t want to spank or any physical punishment. But I am at my whits ends.”source ↗
“I feel like I've been at my wits end with the behaviour from my 6yo. He calls me names (he's heard his dad do this), hits, kicks, screams etc.”source ↗
“None of it seems to work or help. One of the reasons I left my ex was because of how reactive he is. Now I feel like I'm turning into a reactive parent.”source ↗
“Any advice for how to parent them through separation and how to stay the firm but kind parent I want to be is appreciated.”source ↗
“He will climb on couch behind me while I’m holding baby, do somersaults toward the baby, wave things around near the baby that could possibly hit her.”source ↗
“He also is loud, stomps, or tries to be loud to wake up the baby.”source ↗
“He’s a sweet kid just not sure what to do to stop the behavior or make it easier for him.”source ↗
“She refuses to listen, laughs in our faces when we correct her, yells, whines over EVERYTHING, cries over everything, etc. It feels like every single thing has become a battle.”source ↗
“For example, in gymnastics, the other kids can usually stop moving for a short period to listen to directions, and she genuinely seems like she cannot stop her body.”source ↗
“And all of a sudden, I just feel completely at a loss. I feel like I’m constantly correcting her, constantly frustrated, and constantly wondering if I’m handling it wrong.”source ↗
“how would I bring this up to the mom?”source ↗
“You're going to have to havr a very uncomfortable conversation with mom.”source ↗
“He was displaying aggression and outbursts at his previous daycare as well, but we were hopeful that a new setting and some higher quality teachers would help with that.”source ↗
“I just want to let you know I’m in same arena with my 8 year old. It’s been so hellish this year and I can’t figure out how to navigate us out”source ↗
“he can be so nasty to me sometimes more than anyone else.”source ↗
“Please tell me i'm not alone with this.”source ↗
“Well I did he said he gets " annoyed " with me .”source ↗
“I could have written this myself about my 4 year old daughter ‘abusing’ our cats by being too rough.”source ↗
“She still has 0 impulse control for our cats though and I believe it’s something she’ll grow out of.”source ↗
“I am scared of him sometimes because he’s just strong and rough and there’s never a hug that is soft. It’s always full force of his love.”source ↗
“Usually just continues his behavior. Then we'll escelate the consequence,but still nothing. It's like he's numb.”source ↗
“Our daughter will be 1 in a couple of weeks and just started to headbutt my husband. It isn’t accidental, she will intentionally try to head butt his head with her head.”source ↗
“She head butted him in the face pretty hard yesterday and again today.”source ↗
“However, she has recently started hitting other children at preschool.”source ↗
“Please help! I feel like it’s an impulse control issue more than a “we didn’t teach her how to act” situation, and I don’t know how to help her improve her impulse control.”source ↗
“Any other good books or protocols or anything else for a -not listening, attitudy, smart buy mouthy- 4 year old?”source ↗
“Sheesh I did not expect 4s to be like this… our 4 year old is smart and kind and compassionate but holy shit when not he doesn’t listen, is mouthy, no no I want I want is his daily vocabulary.”source ↗
“I guess I'm just at my wit's end since I can't do what my old school Filipino parents did with spanking and other....unsavory disciplinary methods.”source ↗
“I'm at a total loss on what to do.”source ↗
“She used to be calmer and would listen at least, now she cannot be told anything.”source ↗
“She won't listen to me, her aunts, her grandparents, or her dad. No one.”source ↗
“It's like now that she knows how to do it, she doesn't want to use the potty anymore. She just wants her diaper.”source ↗
“I have to calm myself and remind her that mommy loves her very very much because of how much I have to get on to her. I feel bad, but I don't even know what to do.”source ↗
“How do you deal with the super defiant students who will flat out say “no”, refuse to stay in their assigned spot, refuse to stay in the “chill out chair” (basically timeout but not allowed to call it that), talk over you, try to wander the room and go where they want, hit other kids (or sometimes me), throw things, et cetera.”source ↗
“Sometimes I get so overstimulated that I know I don’t handle things the best way, and when I reflect later I have ideas that I just couldn’t think of in the moment.”source ↗
“I’m just really struggling with this group of kids. I come home crying every day and have no energy to enjoy anything.”source ↗
“The kids don’t seem to care about any of these positive reinforcement tools and will tell me to my face that they don’t care what I have to say.”source ↗
“I have eleven kids that NEVER stop talking. I’ve been making them line up and practice quiet transitions over and over and have forced them to re-earn specials because they have been rude to specials teachers.”source ↗
“I feel like such a failure and I’m so scared of this classroom being set in these ways by the time their teacher returns.”source ↗
“Honestly I feel like a failure because I can’t get the same few kids to listen, so I think that’s part of why I haven’t.”source ↗
“They have pretty big emotional outbursts which vary from kicking things in the classroom, to kicking, hitting, scratching and pinching me, even to the point where they follow me around the room doing so while I ask for assistance.”source ↗
“Recently he unprovoked with no external factors that could have caused this and bit someone in our family with no warning and it brought up a few concerns that the main carers are considering giving him up which I'm trying to prevent hence the post.”source ↗
“The dog will be a year old in a few days. Was an adult. The bit caused a cut”source ↗
“We’re getting to the point where we feel completely overwhelmed by his behavior and don’t know how much longer we can handle it.”source ↗
“the problem is that he can be genuinely aggressive toward us.”source ↗
“he can suddenly turn on us growling, lunging, ripping at our clothes and biting.”source ↗
“for almost the entire three months we’ve had him, I’ve felt more stressed and unhappy than happy about having him.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 35How to calm down a hyperactive teenage dog
- 14Why does my child behave at school but act out at home?
- 8How to handle toddler hitting in public
- 4My child is constantly loud but their hearing is fine
- 4Kids fighting on the school bus and admin doing nothing
- 58How to handle violent behavioral outbursts and fighting in class alone