Said It Here

How to handle biting and hitting in toddlers

Young children often resort to biting, hitting, and hair-pulling out of frustration or when told no, sometimes resulting in injury. Parents dealing with these intense, defiant behaviors are left feeling exhausted and uncertain about how to respond or whether this phase will ever end.

Overview
People affected37 accounts across 3 forums
Workarounds found113 items attempted
Community agreement424 total upvotes

What the numbers show

Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count

  • Most of it landed at once — the busiest month was September 2026, with 25 people.
  • This comes up 17.9× more often in r/Parenting than across the site as a whole.

What people tried

Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.

113 items+ Contribute

Found another way around this?

Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.

  1. 1
    Saying a stern no
    Did this help you?
  2. 2
    Removing hands or pulling away
    Did this help you?
  3. 3
    Trying to redirect
    Did this help you?
  4. 4
    Withdrawing attention briefly as a consequence
    Did this help you?
  5. 5
    Trying to figure out the trigger
    Did this help you?
  6. 6
    Using a crate to force the puppy to switch off and sleep
    Did this help you?
  7. 7
    Practicing collar grabs and handling
    Did this help you?
  8. 8
    Looking into help from a professional trainer and asking for advice
    Did this help you?
  9. 9
    holding boundaries
    Did this help you?
  10. 10
    roleplaying alternative scenarios
    Did this help you?
  11. 11
    looking into child psychologists
    Did this help you?
  12. 12
    maintaining consistent consequences
    Did this help you?
  13. 13
    putting him in timeouts
    Did this help you?
  14. 14
    reminding him to keep his hands to himself
    Did this help you?
  15. 15
    Going to therapy
    Did this help you?
  16. 16
    Keeping routines predictable
    Did this help you?
  17. 17
    Implementing ways to express emotions
    Did this help you?
  18. 18
    Trying to remain consistent with rules and boundaries
    Did this help you?
  19. 19
    sending disruptive students to the office
    Did this help you?
  20. 20
    having supportive administration or free staff push in to assist
    Did this help you?
  21. 21
    refusing to engage in power struggles and immediately removing the student
    Did this help you?
  22. 22
    putting all the knives away
    Did this help you?
  23. 23
    seeing a psychologist
    Did this help you?
  24. 24
    calm reminders, loss of privileges, and time out
    Did this help you?
  25. 25
    Being patient through the adjustment period
    Did this help you?
  26. 26
    Giving the older child a lot of attention
    Did this help you?
  27. 27
    Telling the child not to do the behavior
    Did this help you?
  28. 28
    Using time outs when the child acts out
    Did this help you?
  29. 29
    Waiting it out until the baby becomes less novel
    Did this help you?
  30. 30
    using positive reinforcement tools such as secret students, reward point jars, class currency, and Fun Friday
    Did this help you?
  31. 31
    increasing vocal volume to get students to hear instructions
    Did this help you?
  32. 32
    using attention-getting devices like ringing a bell
    Did this help you?
  33. 33
    making students practice quiet transitions repeatedly and re-earn specials
    Did this help you?
  34. 34
    writing the names of quiet kids on the board and giving out stickers for instant gratification
    Did this help you?
  35. 35
    using a moving plushie reward for the quietest table
    Did this help you?
  36. 36
    Holding firm boundaries and following through
    Did this help you?
  37. 37
    Talking through things with the child
    Did this help you?
  38. 38
    Giving choices and independence wherever possible
    Did this help you?
  39. 39
    Waiting for the developmental phase to pass
    Did this help you?
  40. 40
    Keeping children away from the environment
    Did this help you?
  41. 41
    Avoiding telling the parents out of fear of awkwardness or conflict
    Did this help you?
  42. 42
    Getting the dog neutered / fixed
    Did this help you?
  43. 43
    Consulting a professional dog trainer
    Did this help you?
  44. 44
    Consulting a veterinarian to rule out underlying pain or medical issues
    Did this help you?
  45. 45
    Implementing strict lead and obedience training
    Did this help you?
  46. 46
    Reading parenting books and self-regulation guides like Raising Good Humans
    Did this help you?
  47. 47
    Trying gentle parenting techniques like limited choices and calm explanations
    Did this help you?
  48. 48
    Taking the child somewhere quiet during meltdowns to talk out feelings
    Did this help you?
  49. 49
    Enforcing time-outs and loss of privileges
    Did this help you?
  50. 50
    Consulting parenting articles, classes, and shows like Supernanny
    Did this help you?
  51. 51
    Working with the school to use consistent responses and behavioral scripts
    Did this help you?
  52. 52
    Giving children alternatives to aggression like deep breaths or stomping feet
    Did this help you?
  53. 53
    Labeling emotions constantly and modeling emotional regulation
    Did this help you?
  54. 54
    Using discipline methods like losing privileges and short time outs
    Did this help you?
  55. 55
    Reading parenting books such as Happiest Toddler on the Block
    Did this help you?
  56. 56
    Disciplining in various ways such as putting the child in the corner, making her sit down, taking away toys, talking calmly, or scolding
    Did this help you?
  57. 57
    Trying to stick with potty training for several days
    Did this help you?
  58. 58
    Using time outs, gentle hands reminders, raising voices, and taking toys away
    Did this help you?
  59. 59
    Physically restraining the child in the act and clearly stating enforcement boundaries
    Did this help you?
  60. 60
    Teaching the child to use their words or ask for help when frustrated
    Did this help you?
  61. 61
    purchasing new fidgets and sensory items
    Did this help you?
  62. 62
    using smelly stickers to help with calming scents
    Did this help you?
  63. 63
    referring the student to the school psychologist or social worker
    Did this help you?
  64. 64
    collecting data to reconvene the IEP team for adjustments
    Did this help you?
  65. 65
    seeking school or private behavioral evaluations
    Did this help you?
  66. 66
    using predictable routines and visual picture schedules at home
    Did this help you?
  67. 67
    reading stories about personal space and discussing characters
    Did this help you?
  68. 68
    Telling the child it hurts and making a dramatic face or crying
    Did this help you?
  69. 69
    Grabbing the child's arm mid-hit and telling them to stop
    Did this help you?
  70. 70
    Stopping the current activity and stating refusal to play when hit
    Did this help you?
  71. 71
    Removing the child to their room or away from the environment with minimal attention
    Did this help you?
  72. 72
    Physically stopping the attack while stating limits
    Did this help you?
  73. 73
    Popping the child's hands back
    Did this help you?
  74. 74
    Redirecting the child at home
    Did this help you?
  75. 75
    Teaching breathing techniques
    Did this help you?
  76. 76
    Practicing asking for help
    Did this help you?
  77. 77
    Talking about what to do when upset
    Did this help you?
  78. 78
    removing electronics
    Did this help you?
  79. 79
    practicing gentle parenting
    Did this help you?
  80. 80
    taking the child to therapy
    Did this help you?
  81. 81
    seeking extra one-on-one school support
    Did this help you?
  82. 82
    talking to the child about where their anger is coming from
    Did this help you?
  83. 83
    setting consequences like taking away TV privileges
    Did this help you?
  84. 84
    yelling out of frustration
    Did this help you?
  85. 85
    keeping distance and giving the child the cold shoulder
    Did this help you?
  86. 86
    punishing the child and taking away their belongings
    Did this help you?
  87. 87
    seeking advice online from parenting forums
    Did this help you?
  88. 88
    Meeting them a bit less and spending more time as a family
    Did this help you?
  89. 89
    Preparing the child before meeting with friends on different situations and giving them the confidence to walk away
    Did this help you?
  90. 90
    Teaching kids that if other kids are mean they aren't your friend and only playing with kids that treat them how they want to be treated
    Did this help you?
  91. 91
    Using time-outs or sending the child to their room
    Did this help you?
  92. 92
    Redirecting the child or trying to practice gentle pets
    Did this help you?
  93. 93
    Keeping the child and pets strictly separated or blocked from certain areas
    Did this help you?
  94. 94
    Providing alternative objects like a large squishmallow to hug aggressively
    Did this help you?
  95. 95
    Considering rehoming the pets
    Did this help you?
  96. 96
    Taking away video games / Gameboy time
    Did this help you?
  97. 97
    Cancelling play dates
    Did this help you?
  98. 98
    Withholding treats
    Did this help you?
  99. 99
    Withholding playing together
    Did this help you?
  100. 100
    Assigning extra chores
    Did this help you?
  101. 101
    Giving lenient treatment due to life changes like renovations
    Did this help you?
  102. 102
    Escalating consequences when the behavior continues
    Did this help you?
  103. 103
    Picking the child up, setting them down across the room, and firmly saying no before walking away
    Did this help you?
  104. 104
    Blocking the headbutt with a forearm so that it hurts them slightly and they stop
    Did this help you?
  105. 105
    Leaning back to keep the face out of reach, saying no, and putting the child down without laughing or giving attention
    Did this help you?
  106. 106
    trying to stay calm and minimize damage
    Did this help you?
  107. 107
    waiting for the phase to pass
    Did this help you?
  108. 108
    Going for runs or engaging in physical activity
    Did this help you?
  109. 109
    Constantly intervening and telling children to stop
    Did this help you?
  110. 110
    Implementing 5-minute time-outs for bad attitudes or threats, and 10-minute time-outs for physical violence.
    Did this help you?
  111. 111
    giving the child grace
    Did this help you?
  112. 112
    talking about why they get angry
    Did this help you?
  113. 113
    using time outs
    Did this help you?
Tried another approach not listed above?+ Share your workaround ↑

In their words

Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.

r/Parenting32 people · September 2026 – November 2026

“Yesterday, he found a sharp knife and wanted to stab my wife in the eyes.”source ↗

“My wife has scratches on her face and a loose tooth.”source ↗

“5 sessions and not a single piece of advice, only recommended to do a psychiatric evaluation which would cost us $2.5k out of pocket.”source ↗

“I’m worried that something really bad is going to happen.”source ↗

loveyoursocks · r/Parenting · 303 upvotes

“We are facing an unsustainable escalation of defiant, disrespectful, and physically aggressive behavior at home from our intensely bright 8-year-old firstborn”source ↗

“We have tried every standard playbook of consequences and reward systems, but he just does not give a shit”source ↗

Associate_Simple · r/Parenting · 20 upvotes

“my son is 3.5 and constantly hitting other kids at preschool.”source ↗

“Hes a good kid, hes smart he does also play but still keeps hitting.”source ↗

Plenty_Trick3862 · r/Parenting · 19 upvotes

“my kid is 9 always having a meltdown, outburst, rage.”source ↗

“when i discipline him he makes himself sick idk how but he can suddenly ill high temp 100-102.”source ↗

“he said i always get punished anyway what else more i can lose i dont have anything my thing back.”source ↗

“im so lost”source ↗

“im losing my mind”source ↗

Sweet_Mangopie2000 · r/Parenting · 9 upvotes

“I am really struggling to stay calm and model emotional regulation and compassion for my extremely difficult 5 year old. He is defiant across contexts.”source ↗

“I know parent training would help but we don’t have the time or money right now.”source ↗

No-Specialist-503 · r/Parenting · 7 upvotes

“I am at a loss for how to help my 4 year old son.”source ↗

“This week he started preschool and it has been an absolutely nightmare... He has been pushing kids and hitting and spitting at his teachers and throwing things at them when they seperate him to calm him down.”source ↗

RhubarbBeneficial359 · r/Parenting · 5 upvotes

“I dont know why he's becoming aggressive with me, both verbally and physically.”source ↗

“If i ask him to do/not do something that he doesnt agree with then he tells me hes going to slap me.”source ↗

“Doesn't seem to be making a difference, in the moment hes upset about it and afterwards apologies to me with a cuddle. But long term it doesnt change anything.”source ↗

“I dont know what iv done or am doing wrong thats making him be this way or if its an age/stage thing, or worse..its his personality.”source ↗

Sweet_Mamma · r/Parenting · 5 upvotes

“My son is really struggling with a quick reaction time to anger. His pre-school teacher is sending emails daily with recaps on how he yelled, hit, and pushed other children.”source ↗

“It's very distressing to hear that he's going through this at school, and concerns me that he might not be permitted in the classroom much longer.”source ↗

Beneficial-Wall7598 · r/Parenting · 4 upvotes

“He does it to me at home too, out of frustration, being told no and not getting his way”source ↗

Plenty_Trick3862 · r/Parenting · 4 upvotes

“My 18 mo when she gets told no or when she gets frustrated will just try to bite you, on occasion she will hit too or pull hair.”source ↗

“The other day she bit so hard I started bleeding”source ↗

Old_Athlete2790 · r/Parenting · 3 upvotes

“7 year old SD behaviour is out of control, she is screaming at her mum, hitting her mum, not listening, calling her names and being nasty.”source ↗

“Now she has started screaming in our 2 year olds face, scaring her to the point where she has peed herself.”source ↗

“7 year old will not sleep in the night and today woke our 2 year old up due to her screaming at the top of her lungs at 3am.”source ↗

“My 2 year old was freaked out, crying & saying that it has scared her.”source ↗

MagicianPretend1171 · r/Parenting · 3 upvotes

“Parenting right now just feels like I’m in hard mode all of the time.”source ↗

“He is so strong willed. Does not listen to us at all. Is a hitter, biter, etc.”source ↗

“I am struggling to figure out what will get through to him or wondering if these challenging behaviors have an end point.”source ↗

“I just don’t know what to do.”source ↗

specialbeaw · r/Parenting · 2 upvotes

“just the daily feedback from the teachers that “he had a hard day” “still hitting a lot” is just very soul crushing”source ↗

Plenty_Trick3862 · r/Parenting · 2 upvotes

“Now, his new teacher is raising similar concerns and wants him evaluated again. He has been pushing and grabbing for toys, bumping feet under tables, and pinching kids during downtime like circle time.”source ↗

“The pushing, grabbing, and overall lack of impulse control are definitely worse now than they were a few months ago.”source ↗

EnlightenedKraken · r/Parenting · 2 upvotes

“My kid doesn't really care when I talk to her about her behavior (i.e. "hitting/kicking is not okay/nice" and she seems completely unfazed by time out.”source ↗

AlarmInevitable269 · r/Parenting · 2 upvotes

“Over the last few weeks, my 4 year old’s teachers have reported that he’s started hitting classmates. This is completely new behavior.”source ↗

“I’ve also noticed he’s started swatting at me occasionally at home, which is new too, but when I correct him, he immediately apologizes.”source ↗

“Has anyone dealt with a sudden behavior change like this at 4? What else can I do at home to help him handle frustration without hitting?”source ↗

Milfyyyyyyyyyy · r/Parenting · 2 upvotes

“I’m honestly at a point where I don’t really know what to do anymore”source ↗

“The biggest issue I’m struggling with right now is his behavior and attitude.”source ↗

Secrettlifee · r/Parenting · 2 upvotes

“He will not do gentle pets. It’s always squeezes and rough and the cats are scared and I’m worried he will hurt them or they will hurt him.”source ↗

_biggerthanthesound_ · r/Parenting · 2 upvotes

“Our son has been having behavior issues this week hitting other kids, taking their food and not listening to teachers. He continues this at home to a smaller degree and we are stressed.”source ↗

“Our daughter likes to tease him on return and constantly can’t entertain herself. It is frustrating all round. I feel myself not handling their antics nearly as well as I would want to.”source ↗

Cam2688 · r/Parenting · 2 upvotes

“He will not listen, tells, screams, tries to break his toys, yells at his little sister.”source ↗

“I’ve tried talking about why he gets angry or does things but he just doubles down.”source ↗

“Time outs don’t seem to work. I don’t want to spank or any physical punishment. But I am at my whits ends.”source ↗

Standard-Soft-9076 · r/Parenting · 2 upvotes

“I feel like I've been at my wits end with the behaviour from my 6yo. He calls me names (he's heard his dad do this), hits, kicks, screams etc.”source ↗

“None of it seems to work or help. One of the reasons I left my ex was because of how reactive he is. Now I feel like I'm turning into a reactive parent.”source ↗

“Any advice for how to parent them through separation and how to stay the firm but kind parent I want to be is appreciated.”source ↗

frog234567 · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“He will climb on couch behind me while I’m holding baby, do somersaults toward the baby, wave things around near the baby that could possibly hit her.”source ↗

“He also is loud, stomps, or tries to be loud to wake up the baby.”source ↗

“He’s a sweet kid just not sure what to do to stop the behavior or make it easier for him.”source ↗

Electrical-Rip5737 · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“She refuses to listen, laughs in our faces when we correct her, yells, whines over EVERYTHING, cries over everything, etc. It feels like every single thing has become a battle.”source ↗

“For example, in gymnastics, the other kids can usually stop moving for a short period to listen to directions, and she genuinely seems like she cannot stop her body.”source ↗

“And all of a sudden, I just feel completely at a loss. I feel like I’m constantly correcting her, constantly frustrated, and constantly wondering if I’m handling it wrong.”source ↗

NursingMoose · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“how would I bring this up to the mom?”source ↗

poppyprays · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“You're going to have to havr a very uncomfortable conversation with mom.”source ↗

AutomaticIdeal6685 · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“He was displaying aggression and outbursts at his previous daycare as well, but we were hopeful that a new setting and some higher quality teachers would help with that.”source ↗

Beneficial-Wall7598 · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“I just want to let you know I’m in same arena with my 8 year old. It’s been so hellish this year and I can’t figure out how to navigate us out”source ↗

aigeneratedcutiepie · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“he can be so nasty to me sometimes more than anyone else.”source ↗

“Please tell me i'm not alone with this.”source ↗

Lindsayandcam · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“Well I did he said he gets " annoyed " with me .”source ↗

Lindsayandcam · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“I could have written this myself about my 4 year old daughter ‘abusing’ our cats by being too rough.”source ↗

“She still has 0 impulse control for our cats though and I believe it’s something she’ll grow out of.”source ↗

EmbarrassedBit441 · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“I am scared of him sometimes because he’s just strong and rough and there’s never a hug that is soft. It’s always full force of his love.”source ↗

_biggerthanthesound_ · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“Usually just continues his behavior. Then we'll escelate the consequence,but still nothing. It's like he's numb.”source ↗

Associate_Simple · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“Our daughter will be 1 in a couple of weeks and just started to headbutt my husband. It isn’t accidental, she will intentionally try to head butt his head with her head.”source ↗

“She head butted him in the face pretty hard yesterday and again today.”source ↗

msteac14 · r/Parenting · 1 upvotes

“However, she has recently started hitting other children at preschool.”source ↗

“Please help! I feel like it’s an impulse control issue more than a “we didn’t teach her how to act” situation, and I don’t know how to help her improve her impulse control.”source ↗

Acrobatic_Tax8634 · r/Parenting

“Any other good books or protocols or anything else for a -not listening, attitudy, smart buy mouthy- 4 year old?”source ↗

“Sheesh I did not expect 4s to be like this… our 4 year old is smart and kind and compassionate but holy shit when not he doesn’t listen, is mouthy, no no I want I want is his daily vocabulary.”source ↗

Ailan22 · r/Parenting

“I guess I'm just at my wit's end since I can't do what my old school Filipino parents did with spanking and other....unsavory disciplinary methods.”source ↗

“I'm at a total loss on what to do.”source ↗

villagernum1 · r/Parenting

“She used to be calmer and would listen at least, now she cannot be told anything.”source ↗

“She won't listen to me, her aunts, her grandparents, or her dad. No one.”source ↗

“It's like now that she knows how to do it, she doesn't want to use the potty anymore. She just wants her diaper.”source ↗

“I have to calm myself and remind her that mommy loves her very very much because of how much I have to get on to her. I feel bad, but I don't even know what to do.”source ↗

DokiDokiNO · r/Parenting

“However since the last couple of months, having the boys together has always ended up with my son having multiple meltdowns”source ↗

“However I have started to dread these play dates and it is getting exhausting.”source ↗

daydreamingprohere · r/Parenting
r/Teachers3 people · September 2026

“How do you deal with the super defiant students who will flat out say “no”, refuse to stay in their assigned spot, refuse to stay in the “chill out chair” (basically timeout but not allowed to call it that), talk over you, try to wander the room and go where they want, hit other kids (or sometimes me), throw things, et cetera.”source ↗

“Sometimes I get so overstimulated that I know I don’t handle things the best way, and when I reflect later I have ideas that I just couldn’t think of in the moment.”source ↗

Careful-Ad-9186 · r/Teachers · 5 upvotes

“I’m just really struggling with this group of kids. I come home crying every day and have no energy to enjoy anything.”source ↗

“The kids don’t seem to care about any of these positive reinforcement tools and will tell me to my face that they don’t care what I have to say.”source ↗

“I have eleven kids that NEVER stop talking. I’ve been making them line up and practice quiet transitions over and over and have forced them to re-earn specials because they have been rude to specials teachers.”source ↗

“I feel like such a failure and I’m so scared of this classroom being set in these ways by the time their teacher returns.”source ↗

bakedbeanlatte · r/Teachers · 3 upvotes

“Honestly I feel like a failure because I can’t get the same few kids to listen, so I think that’s part of why I haven’t.”source ↗

Careful-Ad-9186 · r/Teachers · 1 upvotes

“They have pretty big emotional outbursts which vary from kicking things in the classroom, to kicking, hitting, scratching and pinching me, even to the point where they follow me around the room doing so while I ask for assistance.”source ↗

nevermind1546 · r/Teachers · 1 upvotes
r/puppy1012 people · September 2026

“Recently he unprovoked with no external factors that could have caused this and bit someone in our family with no warning and it brought up a few concerns that the main carers are considering giving him up which I'm trying to prevent hence the post.”source ↗

Bubblefox16 · r/puppy101 · 1 upvotes

“The dog will be a year old in a few days. Was an adult. The bit caused a cut”source ↗

Bubblefox16 · r/puppy101 · 1 upvotes

“We’re getting to the point where we feel completely overwhelmed by his behavior and don’t know how much longer we can handle it.”source ↗

“the problem is that he can be genuinely aggressive toward us.”source ↗

“he can suddenly turn on us growling, lunging, ripping at our clothes and biting.”source ↗

“for almost the entire three months we’ve had him, I’ve felt more stressed and unhappy than happy about having him.”source ↗

bendyvizsla · r/puppy101

Where this came up

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