How to handle toddler hitting in public
Standard home discipline methods like room timeouts do not work when you are out in public and cannot leave or isolate the child. This leaves parents without a way to stop the behavior immediately, forcing them to awkwardly manage the physical outbursts while dealing with the stress of being watched in public spaces.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Leaving the public place immediatelyDid this help you?
- 2Holding the child's handsDid this help you?
- 3Pulling the child out of the daycare entirelyDid this help you?
- 4Gathering incident reports and filing formal complaints with the daycare administration and the Department of EducationDid this help you?
- 5trying not saying anythingDid this help you?
- 6the elders usually feed himDid this help you?
- 7Repeating phrases like 'We don't hit our friends' and having the child repeat 'no more hitting'Did this help you?
- 8Considering keeping the child home from school the next day as a consequence to see if it registersDid this help you?
- 9Letting the other parent manage their own child or stepping away to prevent the child from approaching.Did this help you?
- 10Keeping play dates to a minimum to avoid unpredictable behaviorDid this help you?
- 11Hovering over the child constantly to intercept physical interactionsDid this help you?
- 12Taking a break from family members who model aggressive behaviorDid this help you?
- 13Reading books and doing roleplay about being a good friendDid this help you?
- 14Apologizing to the other parent and removing the child without a formal time-outDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I quickly grabbed him and popped him on my hip and brought him to mom. His mom snatched him from me & said do not touch him.”source ↗
“as of a couple of months ago, he has started hitting & pushing kids he simply doesn’t like.”source ↗
“If we do play dates, I am glued to his side the whole time correcting the behavior, to which he will continue to do 3/5 times when I’m not watching.”source ↗
“it is quite exhausting to be a hawk watching over him interacting with other children.”source ↗
“We’ve had extensive conversations, activities, consequences for hitting/pushing & it obviously doesn’t stop the behavior.”source ↗
“How do you deal with a 4-year-old boy who keeps hitting everyone his mom, his aunties, elders, and his nanny? He also keeps spitting at us.”source ↗
“I’m trying my best to actually love him, but the moment he spits at me, I feel so sad.”source ↗
“I added but in public because I’ve seen posts about toddlers hitting, I just can’t figure out what to do in public.”source ↗
“At home, if my son hits, we immediately bring him to his room and say you don’t hit. (This is more recent, used to we would give him a warning “you don’t hit, you hit you’re going to your room” but now we are confident he knows not to).”source ↗
“This works pretty well, but what about in public? I can’t put him in timeout, or walk away.”source ↗
“Over the past few months this summer, she has consistently been getting bitten at daycare.”source ↗
“It has probably been happening on average 2x every single week for the past 3-4 months.”source ↗
“My son went through the same thing. I found out that it was one child biting multiple peers, and my son was getting bitten 2-3 times a day.”source ↗
“My son went through something very similar. I ended up pulling him out of that daycare entirely because i felt the daycare was not doing anything about it.”source ↗
“I forgot to add that he bites too and he do it like everyday and to everyone including his mom and nanny me and others too”source ↗
“I need some advice please... I have a son that turns 4 in November.. he is in half day pre-school at the moment. It started out great for the last 3 weeks, the teachers loved him, he was excited to go... but now we are having a problem with hitting out of nowhere... the teacher says he was just "hitting to hit", wasnt angry, nothing... and I don't know what to do and how to help...”source ↗
“Because of this speech delay I have no idea how to go about stopping him from hitting while at school.... When I picked him up I kept saying "We dont hit our friends" "No hitting" "thats not nice" and had him repeat "no more hitting" to me two times since we've gotten home just an hour ago... but I have no idea if it'll work.”source ↗
“I'm desperate... I want my son to be good at school and loved, I dont want people thinking he is a bad kid, his impulsive thoughts win sometimes and I think thats part of being a toddler or maybe the ADHD i dont know...”source ↗
“When the moment arrives for him to show what he’s learned— he just defaults to the hitting/pushing. Every time.”source ↗
“When he shoves/hits I always apologize to the parent, and I remove him, but I do not do a time in or out. I always feel embarrassed and impolite doing that”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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- 2Why is my tall toddler refusing to walk unassisted?
- 4Kids fighting on the school bus and admin doing nothing