Losing yourself after having a baby
Constant caregiving and relentless self-sacrifice make parents feel like their individual identity has completely dissolved into what they can provide for their children. This leaves them feeling lost, exhausted, and unsure if this perpetual state of giving is permanent.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1winging it and figuring out what works for the specific familyDid this help you?
- 2reading parenting styles, books, and blogsDid this help you?
- 3using online resources to learn about child safety and careDid this help you?
- 4trusting maternal/parental instinctDid this help you?
- 5listening to podcasts and discussing expectations with a partnerDid this help you?
- 6waiting for the children to be old enough to entertain each otherDid this help you?
- 7getting outside help or leaning on a village to share responsibilitiesDid this help you?
- 8ensuring both parents are capable of managing the children soloDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I would like to admit that the quality of life has decreased after having the second child.”source ↗
“But most importantly it’s the time and logistics - there is no weekend anymore.”source ↗
“Every day is about the kids. You can’t take a break”source ↗
“Just feel tired all the time.”source ↗
“I feel like I’m really just here to serve.”source ↗
“Every minute feels like I’m just giving and giving and sacrificing.”source ↗
“I just feel like I’ve completely dissolved into what and how much I can provide.”source ↗
“How did you learn how to parent?”source ↗
“Did you just guess and guess daily?”source ↗
“I do understand children do not come with a manual, but I am trying to learn, understand, and assimilate what is to come.”source ↗
“I didnt know much about parenting, no classes, I'm also a stay at home mom.”source ↗
“The split attention is hard”source ↗
“Yep. Biggest regret is having 2”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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