Why does supporting family financially feel so overwhelming?
Carrying heavy financial responsibility for family members while juggling everyday living expenses, car and loan debt, and future investments creates constant anxiety and physical exhaustion. This unrelenting stress leaves people working crazy hours and worrying about sick relatives without knowing if they are making the right decisions, ultimately making them feel like they are drowning.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- People have been saying this in most months since September 2026.
- This comes up 10.1× more often in r/personalfinance than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Studying more about investmentsDid this help you?
- 2Keeping things as they currently areDid this help you?
- 3Seeking guidance from an investment planner or personal financial advisorDid this help you?
- 4pausing or stopping financial remittances to family abroadDid this help you?
- 5negotiating hardship rates or settlements with creditors and collection agenciesDid this help you?
- 6reducing living expenses such as housing or trading down an expensive carDid this help you?
- 7utilizing community resources like food banks to lower grocery costsDid this help you?
- 8Cutting back on parking tickets and buying daily lunches, coffee, or casual toysDid this help you?
- 9Buying second-hand children's clothes, items, and prams via Facebook Marketplace or VintedDid this help you?
- 10Reusing neutral baby onesies regardless of the newborn's genderDid this help you?
- 11Switching grocery shopping to more affordable stores like Aldi and LidlDid this help you?
- 12Postponing trips or trying to evaluate a car contract buyoutDid this help you?
- 13Carpooling using one partner's newer vehicle while the other broken-down car sits parkedDid this help you?
- 14Using credit cards to cover major living expenses and down paymentsDid this help you?
- 15Splitting individual bills rather than fully merging finances or budgetsDid this help you?
- 16asking mechanics online to verify if the repair costs and mechanical claims make senseDid this help you?
- 17rethinking the relationship with the family memberDid this help you?
- 18paying your debts from your checking accountDid this help you?
- 19selling a carDid this help you?
- 20handing the child over to a partner and taking time to be alone or cryDid this help you?
- 21taking breaks when possible to rest and fill your cupDid this help you?
- 22making a partner handle bedtime duties on certain nightsDid this help you?
- 23Setting strict financial boundaries to avoid taking on the parent's debtDid this help you?
- 24Going to therapy to manage the guilt of leaving the parent to face the consequences of their actionsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I want to help her, but I can’t afford to become responsible for her mistakes. I’ve spent years living with the consequences of her decisions, and I’m terrified they’ll follow me even after I leave.”source ↗
“What can realistically be done to help her? I don’t want to abandon my mother, but I don’t want to sacrifice my own future trying to save her either.”source ↗
“I owe money on my car and a personal loan. I have to pay housing, electricity, car insurance and all my normal living expenses. I also send money to my mother in the Dominican Republic because she needs help with her house, and I have sick family members back home that I worry about.”source ↗
“I work crazy hours, study when I can, pay what I can, and somehow I still feel like I’m drowning.”source ↗
“The stress is getting to a point where it scares me. My head hurts constantly, I barely rest, and sometimes my thoughts get very dark.”source ↗
“The amount of money and the amount of responsibility is making me very anxious, I am trying my best to made decisions based on facts, but I dont know if I am making the right financial decisions.”source ↗
“I'm stuck in the contract for the car until April 2027. And I don't get tickets as often as it seems. As I don't use my car often, only maybe on the weekends, if that.”source ↗
“I earn around £59.7k a year, but I’m honestly struggling with my finances and constantly stressing about money.”source ↗
“My normal outgoings come to around £2,000–£2,200 every month, and that's without anything major going wrong.”source ↗
“Now I'm in a much better position salary-wise, but I'm still finding it difficult to get ahead.”source ↗
“And now we have another baby on the way, so I need to start buying newborn clothes, another pram, and all the other stuff you need for a new baby.”source ↗
“I'm over 10k in debt from everything that happened last year.”source ↗
“The debt is putting a strain on the relationship”source ↗
“He has a car that was also falling apart when we met. It was his mother's car and she died 4 months ago. His car stopped really working 6 months ago and so we been carpooling till we can get the money to fix it.”source ↗
“I mentioned selling and he flipped out. He wants us to carpool. While his car sits in the parking lot.”source ↗
“I feel stuck. Now maybe I'm the selfish one?”source ↗
“I just don’t know what to do in my current situation and I’d love some advice.”source ↗
“Second day in a row I missed family movie night because I was too busy parenting.”source ↗
“Tonight he kept hitting me & the final straw was he bit down on me hard.”source ↗
“I just want to run away…”source ↗
“I’m in the thick of toddler and babyhood and it’s killing me mentally 😭”source ↗
“I adore them and love their little faces but it's so freaking heart sometimes.”source ↗
“My dad made me give him 1000 dollars because his anti freeze is leaking did I make the right choice?”source ↗
“I hit the back of his car which made the anti freeze leak”source ↗
“I’m just wondering if I made the right decision and my dad isn’t screwing me over”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 4Why do my finances feel all over the place?
- 9Why is it impossible to keep up with everything on my plate?
- 6Where do beginners learn personal finance?
- 9Why does home maintenance feel like a never-ending job?
- 11How to start fixing overwhelming credit card debt
- 28Why am I planning my wedding all by myself?