Feeling guilty about getting a new pet too soon
Getting a new pet too soon after a loss often triggers intense feelings of guilt, as people feel like they are betraying their previous companion's trust or trying to replace them. This emotional barrier makes individuals feel like they are cheating on the animal that passed, stopping them from moving forward and leading them to delay getting another pet for a long time.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- The most recent one is from October 2026.
- This comes up 12.7× more often in r/cats than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1waiting a long time before getting another petDid this help you?
- 2seeking reassurance onlineDid this help you?
- 3checking for microchipsDid this help you?
- 4Visiting the original pet during weekend trips homeDid this help you?
- 5Adopting an adult or shelter cat to feel like you are saving a life rather than replacing the original petDid this help you?
- 6crate trainingDid this help you?
- 7potty trainingDid this help you?
- 8redirection when bitingDid this help you?
- 9taking her out every hour consistentlyDid this help you?
- 10Reassuring oneself that the previous pet would want them to share their love and give a good life to a needy animalDid this help you?
- 11Imagining that the late pet sent the new animal to themDid this help you?
- 12Waiting years before feeling readyDid this help you?
- 13Fostering animals before committing to a permanent adoptionDid this help you?
- 14Approaching a new pet like a completely separate relationshipDid this help you?
- 15Going extremely slow with the introduction process following standard behavioral methodsDid this help you?
- 16Continuing to give the resident cat the same amount of attention as beforeDid this help you?
- 17Separating the cats and giving the new cat independent time and spaceDid this help you?
- 18doing a ton of researchDid this help you?
- 19watching videos and reading articlesDid this help you?
- 20asking people who own cats for adviceDid this help you?
- 21Doing deep research on dog breeds and training requirementsDid this help you?
- 22Reading positive success stories from balanced dog ownersDid this help you?
- 23Considering adopting an older dog or getting a puppy from an ethical breederDid this help you?
- 24Reframing the adoption as honoring the late pet's memory by saving another animal in needDid this help you?
- 25Allowing oneself to grieve while simultaneously accepting comfort and companionship from the new petDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I feel so guilty though, like I jumped into this when I wasn’t ready as I’m still immensely grieving the loss of Kitty”source ↗
“how did you get over the guilt? Get over feeing like you’re betraying the memory of your late pet?”source ↗
“Ever since I committed, I feel bad! What if my soul kitty is upset with me?🥲😅”source ↗
“I’m feeling really guilty about it.”source ↗
“I feel like I’m betraying her trust in a way that will make her not want to cuddle as much or be around us if Oswald is around.”source ↗
“I hate the idea that I’ll have 2 unhappy cats that will just tolerate each other.”source ↗
“I have been thinking of getting another cat but every time I want too do it I hesitate because I feel like I cannot replace Runt, Getting another cat feels wrong, it feels like I'm trying to fill the void with another cat that wont be the same no matter how much I try.”source ↗
“So last Thursday my precious Kalipo passed on a tragic accident. I’m still grieving.”source ↗
“For once I’m still grieving Kalipo. But the house is so silent, her bowl is empty and my other cat Yuki is alone bcs he doesn’t get along with the other two female cats.”source ↗
“So Reddit, am I a bad cat parent for adopting another cat?”source ↗
“I’ve just dropped him off at the vet but I feel awful that I’ve betrayed his trust. I’m also terrified that I’ve kidnapped someone’s pet”source ↗
“I was thinking about adopting a cat but I feel like I am betraying my true baby somehow.”source ↗
“I still feel really guilty and torn up about leaving her, even though I do think it was the best decision for her, and I feel like I would be making it even worse like replacing her almost.”source ↗
“Walter died two years ago and I thought he was the pinnacle of cats for me, and I now live with major tom who I also think is the pinnacle of cats for me.”source ↗
“We lasted 5 weeks & added our Dex to the family. He helped our broken hearts. He did not replace Leroy & has a different personality & different wonderful qualities.”source ↗
“I felt the same way after my bird passed.”source ↗
“i have dealt with these feelings before, when it feels like you're replacing them.”source ↗
“I'm right there with you. I'm reading here looking for the same answers.”source ↗
“I didn’t want a new cat right away, but about 6 months before we got him, I decided I wanted a new friend.”source ↗
“That’s one of the concern about the whole adoption thing that holds me back and also I’m terribly afraid that once I do adopt a kitty, I’ll experience that “Byers remorse”.”source ↗
“I’ve never owned a pet in my life, my parents either ( a cat) so I literally have no idea what to expect. I guess that’s what holds me back… any advice?”source ↗
“I didn’t want to “replace” my cat who passed and I felt like cheating on him if I got another one right away which is why such a long time passed.”source ↗
“You're gone too much, don't do it.”source ↗
“I’ve always wanted a dog, but now I’m starting to second-guess myself because it honestly doesn’t sound like it’s worth it.”source ↗
“So the most horrific experiences are normal, but having a decent experience is just “luck”? What am I even supposed to expect?”source ↗
“Also at what point do you become ready to get a dog?”source ↗
“genuinely hate my 1 year old puppy…will it get better?”source ↗
“she is now a year old and so unbelievably unbearable. i feel absolutely awful because she is obsessed with me. i am good to her, but that doesn’t mean i love her.”source ↗
“i have always had anxiety but now it is genuinely debilitating because of her. please help me.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 2Why do I feel so guilty taking my pet to the vet?
- 161Why is my new high-energy puppy so overwhelming?
- 8What should I expect when getting my first pet cat?
- 3Why do I feel so guilty about puppy accidents?
- 5Why does dropping your cat off for surgery cause so much anxiety?
- 57How do I know if getting another pet is a mistake?