Why won't my husband help with the baby?
One parent ends up doing all the active childcare while the other prioritizes sleeping in and staring at screens. This leaves the primary caregiver constantly disappointed, unable to get even a 15-minute break to shower without having to ask and deal with complaints.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Making excuses to extended family to cover for the partner's absence.Did this help you?
- 2Taking on all daytime baby needs, night wakes, and chores independently.Did this help you?
- 3giving the partner ideas for activities to do with the babyDid this help you?
- 4nagging the partner until they slowly change their behaviorDid this help you?
- 5taking on 24/7 childcare and sacrificing personal hygiene like daily showersDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“I take 15 minutes to go shower and come back to him staring at the tv or his phone with her next to him.”source ↗
“I want the same, but I don’t understand how that’s possible when he’s prioritizing his screens over connection with her.”source ↗
“Since our baby was born, my husband hasn’t been meeting my expectations.”source ↗
“There’s some days where he doesn’t change one diaper. He will moan and groan when I ask him to do it.”source ↗
“I always look forward to him coming home to maybe have a bit of a break but I am met with disappointment every time.”source ↗
“When he is home on a weekend, he will literally sleep in while I wake up with the baby.”source ↗
“It’s hard for me to let him have a say in how we parent our child when I’m the one doing all of the parenting.”source ↗
“Oh girl. You should be allowed to shower daily. And I totally get the frustration. I have been on my partners back about thr same thing!! I get in his head and he does change, slowly lol”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 3Taking childcare shifts vs doing things together
- 2What is a fair way to split household bills?
- 5How to help your child adjust to shared custody
- 16Why does my partner undermine my rules with the kids?
- 9How to split wedding costs when one partner makes more
- 12Handling childcare and bedtime routines completely alone while working