Why won't my teenager plan social things without me nagging?
Teens often fail to initiate or coordinate social plans on their own, leaving parents to constantly prompt them or ask what they are doing for the weekend. This lack of independent social initiative causes parents to feel distressed, sad about the missed social-emotional development and fun, and worried about how their teen will manage alone in college.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Reaching out to other parents to organize hangouts
- 2Nagging or prompting teens to text their friends
- 3Entertaining the teen or finding ways to get them out of their room
- 4Insisting the teen do at least one social thing a week
- 5gently suggesting making plans occasionally
- 6venting online
- 7saying nothing else to avoid embarrassing the child
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“He never has social plans outside of school and as his parent I find this distressing. It makes me feel sad for him and the social-emotional development he is missing out on. And the fun too.”source ↗
“I don’t really have a question I guess I just want to vent and ultimately not feel sad every weekend!”source ↗
“My son is 17 and will NOT plan things with his friends unless I poke him about it.”source ↗
“He will complain about being bored or missing his friends and I’ll ask him “Did you text them to hang out?” And he will shrug and say no?”source ↗
“Ok that is what I was thinking but every Friday he will mosey on in the living room and say “so what should we do this weekend””source ↗
“It is weird and it scares me that if they go to college they will sit in their room alone.”source ↗
“I would say I am much more bothered than him. I gently suggest making plans occasionally to him (and every once in a while he does but not regularly) and other than that I don’t say anything to him because of course I don’t want to embarrass or make him feel bad.”source ↗
“I think I’m the one that needs a pep talk! lol”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 8Why won't students do the reading assignments?
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- 2Why does my car act like it's in neutral after sitting?
- 139Why are students behaving so badly and parents refusing accountability?
- 11Why do I feel so behind when I compare my child to other kids?
- 2What if no one comes to my child's birthday party?