What to do when grandparents undermine your parenting
Grandparents often use permissive styles that directly override household rules and safety boundaries set by the parents. This leaves parents trapped playing mediator in their own home, facing verbal shaming and physical interference that forces many to cut off contact entirely.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- It goes quiet, then comes back — 3 separate clusters since September 2025.
- It is not one crowd: 8 people on Reddit and 1 on Stack Exchange ran into the same thing.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1moving to your own houseDid this help you?
- 2cutting off grandma entirelyDid this help you?
- 3allow her to visit occasionally but only with us all presentDid this help you?
- 4Stopping reliance on grandparents for helpDid this help you?
- 5Limiting contact or no longer seeing themDid this help you?
- 6Constantly supervising grandparents while they interact with the childDid this help you?
- 7Setting strict instructions and boundariesDid this help you?
- 8Stepping in immediately and talking over them to correct grandparents in front of the kidsDid this help you?
- 9Having grandparents watch the kids at the parents' own house insteadDid this help you?
- 10Visiting less often or reducing contactDid this help you?
- 11Finding alternate or paid childcareDid this help you?
- 12Allowing grandparents to host the teenagerDid this help you?
- 13Permitting supervised teenage sleepoversDid this help you?
- 14Setting strict boundaries and giving consequences such as time-outs or not inviting them to eventsDid this help you?
- 15Limiting contact or stopping telling them about upcoming events and activitiesDid this help you?
- 16Letting grandparents cry or emotionally manipulate without giving inDid this help you?
- 17Keeping quiet and internalizing stress to keep the peaceDid this help you?
- 18Leaving the house as an excuse to avoid conflictsDid this help you?
- 19Trying to compromise by allowing visits under specific conditionsDid this help you?
- 20Telling the grandparents to stop or not to say certain thingsDid this help you?
- 21Not leaving the grandparents in charge of the childDid this help you?
- 22Letting the child know that crying does not make the parents cryDid this help you?
- 23Working on making the child and parent more resilientDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“The hardest part about raising children is babysitting your own parents. They act like them coming over is being helpful, it's just more work and stress on me.”source ↗
“My mom will regularly loosen my son's straps because she thinks they are too tight.”source ↗
“This is why I stopped relying on my parents... They can't be relied on.”source ↗
“I had to babysit my parents AND an actual baby. They stayed for 6 months with us. I almost lost my mind.”source ↗
“My parents don’t respect me and my husband as parents and it’s exhausting.”source ↗
“He undermined me with feeding her MORE sweets right before we left for bedtime, after I said no.”source ↗
“I bring it up and correct it, and I get told I’m irrational and dramatic. I cannot win. Nothing I say is ever heard.”source ↗
“I have two kids and am really struggling with parenting at my parent's house.”source ↗
“My dad in particular is very harsh and has very high expectations for our 3 year old.”source ↗
“I love my parents but they try to parent our kids WAY too much and when I correct them they don't seem to get the hint.”source ↗
“What’s troubling me is the way that they react when my 2 year old cries.”source ↗
“Once, I was in the room when my mom said “aw don’t cry, you’re going to make grandma cry too!”... and another time when she sarcastically said “well don’t cry about it, are you a little baby?””source ↗
“So she was crying out for them, and my dad just kept laughing.”source ↗
“I have parents like this. Honestly, it really affected me because I lived with them all the time and they were my parents”source ↗
“My 15 y/o daughter has been staying with my parents for 6 months because they encouraged her to stay with them after ruffles in the house with my husband (remarried 5 years ago).”source ↗
“I put up with a lot of shit for the sake of my child because she adores him.”source ↗
“Today i even told him she need to sleep, and he told she sleeps there. And then if I say something he complaints I have a bad temper...”source ↗
“he is messing up our routine, not acknowledging my authority as a mother so it makes me upset.”source ↗
“The main issue I encounter is that grandma has a different permissive parenting style where our rules as parents is overridden constantly.”source ↗
“For this, I am shamed for exercising an authoritative parenting style being called “abusive” and “cruel”.”source ↗
“It sounds horrible cutting her off entirely, but I’m feeling like we have no other choice since she refuses to respect my parenting rules and choices and co-parent responsibly.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 4Why can't I stop worrying and relax as a parent?
- 6How to deal with manipulative and controlling parents
- 15Why teachers can't push back against unreasonable parents and admin
- 23How to deal with judgmental parents who criticize everything
- 7How to respond to unsolicited parenting advice
- 4What to do when your ex belittles your child's interests