How to cope with an intense, high-needs toddler
Raising an endlessly screaming, colicky, and stubborn toddler leaves parents constantly running mental calculations to prevent meltdowns and trapped in chronic exhaustion. This relentless overstimulation leads to overwhelming burnout, anger, and the painful feeling of being worn down to the point of wanting to scream or cry.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Walking away for a moment to take deep breaths and resetDid this help you?
- 2Tag-teaming with a partner to share childcare and bedtime dutiesDid this help you?
- 3Lowering parenting standards by introducing screen time, convenience foods, or sugar to gain a mental breakDid this help you?
- 4Ceasing breastfeeding to regain personal autonomy and physical boundariesDid this help you?
- 5Putting the child in daycare to return to work and get a breakDid this help you?
- 6Putting the toddler in their bedroom and stepping away to cryDid this help you?
- 7Trying to remove or hide things and using baby gatesDid this help you?
- 8Seeking out toddler-friendly activities, library events, or mom groups to get out of the houseDid this help you?
- 9Offering choicesDid this help you?
- 10Waiting it out and trying to survive until age 5Did this help you?
- 11Instructing the child to verbalize what they want instead of cryingDid this help you?
- 12Announcing when sitting down and ignoring subsequent tantrumsDid this help you?
- 13Using patient and consistent expectations, rule reinforcement, and repetitionDid this help you?
- 14Approaching situations with humor and silliness instead of direct commandsDid this help you?
- 15Sticking to strict boundaries and ignoring tantrumsDid this help you?
- 16Reading parenting books like The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Discipline, and Good InsideDid this help you?
- 17Getting the child's vision checked by a pediatrician and ophthalmologist to rule out vision problems like poor vision or strabismusDid this help you?
- 18Switching schools or daycaresDid this help you?
- 19Creating safe play areas and games at home to build balance and coordinationDid this help you?
- 20Containing or closely supervising the child to prevent fallsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Currently he talks non stop and I think I am about to have a mental breakdown. I can't do anything without him interfering and calling me to get my attention.”source ↗
“He will say Dad 1000 times in a minute and when you don't look at him he will grab ur face gently and turn it towards him so he can say whatever nonsense he wants to say.”source ↗
“now I can't really watch/listen or even work around the house.”source ↗
“My toddler is 17 months old. He was the unhappiest baby on earth. I was aware that he was not trying to give me a hard time but he was actually having a hard time but his first year of life was pure hell for me. Colic, always discontent, angry and frustrated all the time.”source ↗
“I am just so mad that I've been running excel spreadsheets in my mind for almost 1.5 years now all the time to avoid him getting tired or hungry so I don't have to deal with a meltdown.”source ↗
“Sometimes I feel like I hate him for being so difficult :( It's so unfair from me. He's just a baby, he was very much wanted.”source ↗
“If I don't give him my constant attention he FLIPS OUT, like if I sit down and try to do anything other than playing with him he will just join me and start pushing me or go "EEE EEE EEE"”source ↗
“He doesn't play by himself, he only wants to play with me, and when the house is a mess and I'm trying to clean or do dishes, he still won't play by himself he just stands by me and goes "EE EE EE" cuz I'm not paying attention to him.”source ↗
“When we go out if I stop something he's doing he will sit on the floor and cry like I did something to him and EVERYONE looks.”source ↗
“Ugh my daughter does that too and it drives us nuts.”source ↗
“Her behaviour is mentally taxing.”source ↗
“Is this a phase? Wtf am I doing wrong? Is this a brain development thing? Helppppppp and please be kind.”source ↗
“I'm right in the thick of it with my incredibly stubborn and intense 17 month old and I keep telling myself that stubbornness and tenacity are great traits when they get older...it's just a bit maddening right now.”source ↗
“I know what it's like to have a particularly challenging kid, and to feel so exhausted and worn down that you don't know whether you want to cry or scream.”source ↗
“I feel this a lot. My 21mo is also a temperamental screaming tornado, and has been since birth lol. I was (and still sometimes am) scared to bring her in public because she'd just scream if any little thing wasn't how she imagined.”source ↗
“im writing this as I sob in the car with my daughter in her car seat behind me because its the only way I’d be able to sit down for two seconds and type something out.”source ↗
“i am telling her to stop doing something every 10 seconds. every 10 seconds. how am i meant to stay calm, patient and gentle when its just repetitive.”source ↗
“today I put her in her bedroom and went downstairs and just sobbed.”source ↗
“Yesterday I didn’t sit down for over 12 hours.”source ↗
“Im exhausted! The constant cling to my legs and whinging. I cant eat, drink or go off to the toilet without being climbed, followed or a running commentary.”source ↗
“She now won't take any instruction. It can be anything, anything at all! If you want her to do it, she absolutely does not want to do it.”source ↗
“I too hate parenting at this age. Its just relentless.”source ↗
“My girl is 2 years old and she's so much fun but the tantrums are killing me. Also she doesn't listen and if I raise my voice to her she will just laugh in my face 🥲 my patience is wearing thin all day”source ↗
“Never experienced this with my son so I'm a little lost if I'm honest 😭 Which is probably why is feels like "a lot"”source ↗
“My 17 month old toddler keeps getting hurt.”source ↗
“ATP I am terrified of school making a call and honestly I wouldn’t blame them.”source ↗
“I’m also terrified to let her out of my sight now, as every fall happened when I wasn’t with her.”source ↗
“Has anyone experienced this and/or does anyone have any reasonable tips or advice for injury prone toddlers?”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 4My child is constantly loud but their hearing is fine
- 10Why does my toddler only want me when I'm around?
- 43Why does my toddler act out only with me?
- 2How to handle a child who has to win every game
- 8Baby won't stop screeching all day
- 5How to handle a child who constantly demands attention and talks nonstop?