How to cope with an intense, high-needs toddler
Raising an endlessly screaming, colicky, and stubborn toddler leaves parents constantly running mental calculations to prevent meltdowns and trapped in chronic exhaustion. This relentless overstimulation leads to overwhelming burnout, anger, and the painful feeling of being worn down to the point of wanting to scream or cry.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Walking away for a moment to take deep breaths and reset
- 2Tag-teaming with a partner to share childcare and bedtime duties
- 3Lowering parenting standards by introducing screen time, convenience foods, or sugar to gain a mental break
- 4Ceasing breastfeeding to regain personal autonomy and physical boundaries
- 5Putting the child in daycare to return to work and get a break
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My toddler is 17 months old. He was the unhappiest baby on earth. I was aware that he was not trying to give me a hard time but he was actually having a hard time but his first year of life was pure hell for me. Colic, always discontent, angry and frustrated all the time.”source ↗
“I am just so mad that I've been running excel spreadsheets in my mind for almost 1.5 years now all the time to avoid him getting tired or hungry so I don't have to deal with a meltdown.”source ↗
“Sometimes I feel like I hate him for being so difficult :( It's so unfair from me. He's just a baby, he was very much wanted.”source ↗
“I'm right in the thick of it with my incredibly stubborn and intense 17 month old and I keep telling myself that stubbornness and tenacity are great traits when they get older...it's just a bit maddening right now.”source ↗
“I know what it's like to have a particularly challenging kid, and to feel so exhausted and worn down that you don't know whether you want to cry or scream.”source ↗
“I feel this a lot. My 21mo is also a temperamental screaming tornado, and has been since birth lol. I was (and still sometimes am) scared to bring her in public because she'd just scream if any little thing wasn't how she imagined.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 3Why does my toddler only want me when I'm around?
- 18Why does my toddler act out only with me?
- 4Baby cries hysterically whenever I put them down
- 5How to handle high energy kids who act out in public classes
- 3Why won't my baby eat meals or sleep for naps?
- 10Why does my child say they hate everything they love?