How to handle family demanding to pay for wedding beauty and expenses
Family members often expect the perks of the wedding party and financial concessions without contributing to costs or planning. This puts immense financial pressure on the couple and leads to ultimatums over schedule changes from relatives funding portions of the event.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Refusing to pay and telling family members to cover their own beauty service costsDid this help you?
- 2Offering to pay for services as a thank-you gift for past help or planning contributionsDid this help you?
- 3Covering beauty expenses for close family members anyway to avoid conflict and ensure they look nice for photosDid this help you?
- 4Paying for the wedding independentlyDid this help you?
- 5Comprosigning on timelinesDid this help you?
- 6Accepting financial help and relinquishing controlDid this help you?
- 7Getting married a day early without telling anyoneDid this help you?
- 8Using the phrase 'We don’t know yet' or 'It’s an elopement, we’ll figure it out when we get there'Did this help you?
- 9Reminding people that it is just a courthouse wedding with no guestsDid this help you?
- 10deciding to elope with just closest familyDid this help you?
- 11communicating honestly about the financial situationDid this help you?
- 12considering eloping internationally with immediate familyDid this help you?
- 13having a courthouse ceremony followed by a separate partyDid this help you?
- 14hosting a private ceremony with just an officiant and photographerDid this help you?
- 15dropping the wedding entirely and eloping with a partnerDid this help you?
- 16using manipulation or appealing to the parents' sense of image and public perception to force changesDid this help you?
- 17accepting the parents' vision and acting simply as guests of honor at the event they hostDid this help you?
- 18Eloping instead of having a traditional weddingDid this help you?
- 19Having parents pay while accepting they will want some say in the weddingDid this help you?
- 20Paying for the wedding yourselves and doing something smaller and cheaperDid this help you?
- 21Taking the offered money and using it to save for a house or future kidsDid this help you?
- 22seeking advice from others who went against wedding traditionsDid this help you?
- 23explaining personal reasoning to family membersDid this help you?
- 24ignoring unsolicited opinionsDid this help you?
- 25Doing what feels right to the couple regardless of traditionDid this help you?
- 26Asking the people closest to what they want to be included inDid this help you?
- 27Making a joke about it being your first time getting married and apologizingDid this help you?
- 28Holding your ground and telling family members noDid this help you?
- 29Accepting the unwanted venue to save money and secure financial help from grandparentsDid this help you?
- 30Considering unconventional venues like a biker bar to bypass traditional costs and stressDid this help you?
- 31Joking about going to a local courthouse to handle legalities and avoid the whole ordealDid this help you?
- 32Seeking advice from parents and friends to validate wedding decisionsDid this help you?
- 33Keeping apparel choices affordableDid this help you?
- 34Making hair and makeup optional unless covered by the coupleDid this help you?
- 35Giving personalized gifts based on individual interests rather than wedding-branded items or photo propsDid this help you?
- 36Allowing the partner to choose their own groomsmenDid this help you?
- 37focus on those that are thereDid this help you?
- 38saying f it and elope or plan a smaller extravagant micro weddingDid this help you?
- 39Paying for the event yourself if you are the one planning it.Did this help you?
- 40Having the groom ask his mother what she is willing to contribute generally.Did this help you?
- 41Hosting the event at a family home to avoid venue minimum spends.Did this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Am I overreacting about how stupid this is? I’m thinking about dropping the whole thing and just getting eloped.”source ↗
“It’s embarrassing to me, you’re gonna cheap out on shit that actually matters to the guests and create a real, memorable experience... and then come in all macho like that?”source ↗
“I have no money at ALL to throw around, so I just have to live with it.”source ↗
“the wedding stuff has caused both of us nightmares. Neither of us want to do the planning but we also don’t want to disappoint our parents who want us to have a wedding.”source ↗
“My dad seemed a bit disappointed by this, but I really don't like the idea or roots of being given away”source ↗
“Some of our friends said they think we will regret not having an "our song"”source ↗
“When we have mentioned this to people, they often say "well that's what makes a wedding different from other parties", but does that really matter?”source ↗
“Fiancé’s parents are upset we aren’t having a traditional wedding”source ↗
“His parents are more well off for sure and could probably pay that if they had to or at least pay for a significant portion of it but haven’t offered. They’re very disappointed we are eloping”source ↗
“I get so stressed thinking about what would be appropriate for all parties on who’s paying the wedding.”source ↗
“now they’re being passive aggressive that they kept pulling the “I’m not supposed to pay for this wedding” card.”source ↗
“I’m getting so frustrated and burntout and I really can’t please anybody and felt like nobody can please me”source ↗
“Only three weeks of being engaged and I feel like I spend more time worrying about upsetting someone over formalities than planning the actual wedding!”source ↗
“My wedding planning doesnt feel like mine anymore.”source ↗
“His family has kinda just forced the idea onto us and they are assuming we will have our wedding there.”source ↗
“I feel like it is getting out of hand and all of my hopes and dreams for our wedding are slipping away and the ideas of his family are taking over.”source ↗
“Idk what to do or say and he isn't around too much to say anything to them.”source ↗
“Can it be just as simple as asking them “will you be my bridesmaid/groomsman?” or are we expected to buy them gifts or go out for a dinner or something “special”?”source ↗
“Is it reasonable to ask the bridal party to pay for their own clothing, hair and makeup?”source ↗
“Is there an expectation for a gift on/around the wedding day?”source ↗
“Is it reasonable that I suggest to my partner that he picks a family member over a friend that is super unreliable & I’m not certain will be our friend forever?”source ↗
“My fiancé has been absolutely incredible but I can’t say the same about my family.”source ↗
“My mother calls me every day to complain about the cost of my wedding, mind you she is not giving any money financially or really support otherwise”source ↗
“I guess I’m just upset my family has prioritized everything else and is not only putting me last but complaining about it to me.”source ↗
“My younger sister keeps joking/complaining that I’m not going to pay for her hair and makeup for the wedding or my mom’s.”source ↗
“What bothers me is that she still seems to expect the benefits of being a bridesmaid without actually being one or wanting any of the responsibilities that come with it.”source ↗
“I’m just so angry because no one in my family seems to comprehend the financial burden of a wedding and how it all falls on my fiancé.”source ↗
“Since my mom is paying half, she told me if I bumped it up to 6:00 p.m., that she wouldn't pay and to just cancel the wedding.”source ↗
“I’m suddenly feeling pressured about things I never cared about.”source ↗
“And I’m realizing that I’m starting to dread this.”source ↗
“I just want to escape all the pressure and expectations surrounding this day.”source ↗
“I wanted to get married at another location that fit me and my fiance... But these same inlaws will spend over $20000 on a couch or a rug.”source ↗
“If I could go back in time, I would of just pushed to elope. I'm only a few weeks away from my wedding so I'm stuck with it at this point.”source ↗
“I learned the hard way that everyone (family especially) has slightly different expectations of wedding etiquette, and you'll never be able to please everybody.”source ↗
“This was how I wanted it, but turns out my MIL was disappointed not to be included. It never occured to me to invite her.”source ↗
“My grandparents understood but were again a little hurt, but that should be from their sons’ actions not my boundary.”source ↗
“Now I'm second guessing myself and wondering if I should even bother telling the rest of our families and friends at all.”source ↗
“My mom's main concern is if I'll regret it in 10 years, which is fair, but not the answer or sentiment I was hoping for.”source ↗
“The complex and mixed feelings comes with parents that don’t support a non catholic wedding and might not attend, a strained relationship with my dad and another sibling, friends that have kids/are pregnant and can’t afford or don’t want to make baby sitting arrangements to attend.”source ↗
“Do you think it’s fair to ask grooms mom to split price 40/60 instead of having a separate one?”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 16Why are weddings so ridiculously expensive?
- 3Is it okay to ask bridesmaids over text?
- 4Why is wedding planning with unhelpful family so stressful?
- 24How to handle a mother demanding wedding changes without a massive argument
- 2Dealing with family pressure to include relatives in a wedding party
- 3Why is it so hard to set a realistic wedding budget?