How to decide who gets a wedding plus one
Strict venue caps and limited headcounts force couples to weigh whether to invite casual partners or un-met girlfriends. Deciding on a per-person basis prevents over-allocation, but denying a plus-one to a long-term partner can deeply hurt relationships.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Inviting partners only if it is not a new relationship and treating established partners as a social unit while excluding casual situationships.
- 2Evaluating guest lists on a per-person basis depending on the length of the relationship or if guests know other attendees
- 3Inviting friends solo and letting them decide whether they are comfortable attending without a partner
- 4Adding romantic partners later as B-list guests if headcount allows
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“A girlfriend is not a +1 she's a SO. It doesn't matter whatsoever whether you've ever met. How long will these couples be together by the time of the wedding? A few weeks or a couple of months from now and you would be on solid ground not to include them. A year or more not acceptable under any circumstances.”source ↗
“When we invite our friends, we will be taking each circumstance into account and decide on a per-person basis. Simple fact is, we don’t have enough plus ones to give out and not everyone we’re inviting will need one. We’re not going to not invite friends simply because we can’t offer them a plus one.”source ↗
“My cousin got married a few years ago and I didn’t get a plus one even though I had been with my boyfriend (fiancée now) at the time for a while. I called and asked if I could bring him, and he said definitely not. It hurt me because I had never been in a serious relationship like that before, and I didn’t feel good about myself.”source ↗
“Do I have to invite +1s?”source ↗
“Do I invited Lisa and Her boyfriend plus Megan or Just Lisa and Megan no plus ones?”source ↗
“We need to significantly decrease our headcount to be able to afford our dream venue. My boyfriend has some friends with girlfriends we have never ever met/they are definitely more new- how rude is it to just invite the friend and not a plus one?”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 2How to handle wedding roles and getting ready without a bridal party
- 2Do I need a details card if I have a wedding website?
- 5Do you need a microphone for a small outdoor wedding?
- 4Is it rude to skip a distant wedding when travel and money are tight?
- 8Is hiring a wedding coordinator actually worth the money?
- 2Do wedding guests actually need a hotel block and shuttle?