How to help a preteen end a friendship when hints fail
To end the relationship, the preteen must explicitly state that they no longer want to be friends. Because the other child cannot pick up on social or verbal cues, dropping hints fails and leaves the preteen unsure how to proceed without coming off as mean. While parents naturally worry this directness will absolutely crush the friend, people who have experienced this firsthand say a direct break is ultimately best.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Gradually distancing oneself and ignoring attempts to hang out
- 2Telling the peer specifically when a particular behavior is annoying
- 3Consulting a school counselor for advice
- 4switching classes at school
- 5sending a direct message explicitly stating they do not want to hang out
- 6teaching the child to be kind but firm about their feelings
- 7advising the child to be polite as a teammate but avoid interaction outside of that
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My preteen has been friends with another child since kindergarten. They’ve been friends for years, but recently my son has started finding this child increasingly annoying and doesn’t want to be friends anymore.”source ↗
“At this point, my son wants to tell him that he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. I worry that this is going to absolutely crush the other child, but my son feels like nothing else is working.”source ↗
“As someone who has been in similar situations and even been the other "weird" kid who had friends drop her, I wish I had been more direct with them and wish they had been more direct with me.”source ↗
“Rob isn’t good at picking up social cues, and apparently isn’t good at verbal cues so I’m not sure what more Sam can do without coming off as being mean.”source ↗
Where this came up
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