Why do I feel so guilty taking time for myself?
Any moment spent on self-care triggers intense sickness and self-blame, forcing a constant scramble between chasing household chores and overcompensating with the kids. This relentless guilt leaves nothing clean or done, making it impossible to rest without feeling irresponsible or unfit.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- This comes up 15.5× more often in r/Parenting than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Deleting or avoiding social media platforms like InstagramDid this help you?
- 2Curating feeds or limiting app usageDid this help you?
- 3Checking with the child to see if they prefer going out with friends instead of parentsDid this help you?
- 4Doing alternative activities leading up to the holidayDid this help you?
- 5Attending trick-or-treating for a short time before leavingDid this help you?
- 6trading off time to yourself with a spouseDid this help you?
- 7using a heating pad or hot water bottle to warm up the spot before putting the baby downDid this help you?
- 8working out schedules to be alone or do your own thingDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“i feel genuinely sick about any second I ever do anything for myself and hten beat myself up about it and go hug my kids or play with them, then ignore laundry or whatever and then get mad because nothing is ever done or clean!”source ↗
“Am I the worst mom ever for wanting to go out for Halloween instead of going trick-or-treating with her? I know that the years are limited.”source ↗
“I’m a new parent and I’m assuming, or hoping, that things will get easier, but it’s just so tough right now.”source ↗
“Our baby will only contact sleep during the day and freaks out if we put them down, so one of us is constantly holding them.”source ↗
“I am just feeling lost and like I’ll never get a little moment to myself again.”source ↗
“i just started working with kids as an afterschool teacher, but plan on working in this field my whole life. and even previous to starting i feel guilty to "be irresponsible" outside of work.”source ↗
“logically i know the kids have no way of knowing this but i still can't shake this "imposter" ish feeling i have because of it. like i'm not fit to do this job or something.”source ↗
“how do i get over this??”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 12Why do I feel guilty on slow work days?
- 19Why do I feel so guilty for taking a sick day?
- 2How to take care of yourself with a newborn baby
- 4Why do I feel guilty for thinking my wedding was better than childbirth?
- 14How to stop feeling guilty about spending savings on yourself
- 20Why am I too exhausted and overstimulated to parent?