Why does everything I learned with my first baby fail on the second?
Every technique that worked on an easy firstborn often completely fails with a more challenging second child, leading parents to feel humbled, unprepared, and falsely responsible for normal developmental differences. This abrupt shift shatters the illusion of parental control over sleeping and eating habits, making parents feel like failures until they realize the difficulty stems entirely from the child's temperament.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1ignoring advice that does not fit the specific baby
- 2doing whatever is necessary to survive, such as cosleeping or nursing to sleep
- 3parenting the individual child you actually have rather than relying on previous methods
- 4Contact napping during the day
- 5Waiting for the baby to get older and settle into a routine
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Turns out: YOU HAVE VERY LITTLE - LIKE, ACTUALLY FCK-ALL - CONTROL OVER YOUR BABY’S SLEEPING AND EATING HABITS.”source ↗
“Every single technique I used on my firstborn failed on my secondborn. Every single one.”source ↗
“It wasn't until I had my second that I realized I wasn't a complete and total failure as a parent - it's just that my first was (and is) vastly more challenging.”source ↗
“I dont know what came over me to think that I could possibly do this again, but here we are.”source ↗
“I feel so tired and sad. I can't believe I did this again. I also feel so sad for my 9 year old too.”source ↗
“I feel the same way. I had so much more time and patience for my first and he was sooo easy. My second (2y) is a goblin.”source ↗
“The first few weeks were INSANE! I cried so much feeling like I was neglecting my oldest. I felt like an idiot doing this all over again.”source ↗
“I just have am impending doom feeling of "what have I done?" 🫠. Life was so much easier, and I feel so dumb thinking this was a good idea.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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- 2How to help a kid who hates middle school