Older child acting out and getting jealous after new baby
Older children often experience intense jealousy and resort to negative behavior, shouting, or meltdowns whenever a parent holds, carries, or attends to the new baby. This constant competition for attention leaves parents overwhelmed and struggling to manage both children on their own.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
- 1Setting aside a fixed daily amount of one-on-one time with the older child regardless of disruptions
- 2Holding the baby briefly or calming her and putting her back on the carpet so both children can be managed
- 3Gradually lengthening the periods of looking after both children alone without the partner present
- 4giving 1 on 1 time with parents daily
- 5commending the older sibling when they do anything kind or nice for the baby
- 6sending the older child to preschool
In their words
Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.
“5 year old has become the most selfish person since baby came”source ↗
“gets in front of baby so they can't crawl to what they want, blocks baby from getting toys they want, takes a toy the second baby drops it, only shows interest in baby toys if baby already has it.”source ↗
“Also not gentle and will knock baby over.”source ↗
“I am grieved at the level of selfishness. Is this normal?”source ↗
“My son gets extremely jealous whenever I hold or carry the baby – especially when I'm trying to mind them both on my own.”source ↗
“As soon as I pick her up, he shouts at me to put her down, demands to be carried himself, or tells me to give her to mummy.”source ↗
“It's only ever a matter of time before a meltdown because the baby needs picking up again.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 3How to handle extreme physical aggression between siblings
- 5How to handle sibling rivalry when kids compete in the same activities
- 3How to handle family schedules when siblings refuse to attend practices
- 5How to raise an only girl with brothers fairly
- 7Why does everything I learned with my first baby fail on the second?
- 4Why does my baby prefer everyone else over me?