Older child acting out and getting jealous after new baby
Older children often experience intense jealousy and resort to negative behavior, shouting, or meltdowns whenever a parent holds, carries, or attends to the new baby. This constant competition for attention leaves parents overwhelmed and struggling to manage both children on their own.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Setting aside a fixed daily amount of one-on-one time with the older child regardless of disruptionsDid this help you?
- 2Holding the baby briefly or calming her and putting her back on the carpet so both children can be managedDid this help you?
- 3Gradually lengthening the periods of looking after both children alone without the partner presentDid this help you?
- 4giving 1 on 1 time with parents dailyDid this help you?
- 5commending the older sibling when they do anything kind or nice for the babyDid this help you?
- 6sending the older child to preschoolDid this help you?
- 7Making a conscious effort to give the oldest child one-on-one time, such as taking them to a park alone or reading to them at night.Did this help you?
- 8Reminding older children that limitations caused by younger siblings are temporary.Did this help you?
- 9Bribing or threatening the child to gain complianceDid this help you?
- 10Enrolling the child in group activities like gymnasticsDid this help you?
- 11Reading parenting books like How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen and No Drama DisciplineDid this help you?
- 12Listening to podcasts like BratbusterDid this help you?
- 13Considering part-time school, daycare, or Mother's Day out programsDid this help you?
- 14Giving extra love, attention, and grace during the transition periodDid this help you?
- 15Providing one-on-one time with mom to reassure her of affectionDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“5 year old has become the most selfish person since baby came”source ↗
“gets in front of baby so they can't crawl to what they want, blocks baby from getting toys they want, takes a toy the second baby drops it, only shows interest in baby toys if baby already has it.”source ↗
“Also not gentle and will knock baby over.”source ↗
“I am grieved at the level of selfishness. Is this normal?”source ↗
“My daughter who just turned 3 is starting to feel out of control.”source ↗
“ever since my daughter turned 2 I have seen a huge change in her behavior that seems to only get worse as time goes on.”source ↗
“I’m not gonna lie, I’ve gotten to a point that the only way maybe I can get her to do things I want or need her to do is to bribe her or threaten her..”source ↗
“I just feel like this behavior is gonna get worse.. please help.”source ↗
“I don’t have family to ask how to do this and I have always wanted to be there for her but I don’t even feel like talking to her right now..”source ↗
“My son gets extremely jealous whenever I hold or carry the baby – especially when I'm trying to mind them both on my own.”source ↗
“As soon as I pick her up, he shouts at me to put her down, demands to be carried himself, or tells me to give her to mummy.”source ↗
“It's only ever a matter of time before a meltdown because the baby needs picking up again.”source ↗
“Any time my eldest daughter (5) feels like mom is spending more time with youngest (3) her behavior turns negative.”source ↗
“Have no idea what to do.”source ↗
“However, I worry that my oldest will end up feeling totally pushed to the side and these two babies would inevitably eat up so much time and attention. I worry he is likely to feel left out and they'll be closer...”source ↗
“I have a very similar situation and fear. My age gap is larger: 5.5 years, due to loss. We have 2 frozen embryos left. I kinda want a third with a tight age gap but I do fear my oldest will be left out and the two Littles will bond and be closer.”source ↗
“I had a baby 5 days ago and my fiver year old absolutely adores him but her behavior is so bad at the moment. She has stopped listening and ask her to do something she does the complete opposite.”source ↗
“She keeps going f and going until she gets told off.”source ↗
“I love her but god she is driving me insane too”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 9How to handle extreme physical aggression between siblings
- 9How to handle sibling rivalry when kids compete in the same activities
- 3How to handle family schedules when siblings refuse to attend practices
- 4Why are my kids angels one-on-one but chaos together?
- 4Why is my sibling always jealous of me?
- 5How to raise an only girl with brothers fairly