Said It Here

How to handle extreme physical aggression between siblings

Younger and older children alike can engage in severe, unprompted physical aggression and targeted hurting that goes far beyond typical sibling rivalry. Standard strategies like one-on-one time, separation, and teaching conflict resolution often fail to stop the behavior, leaving parents trapped in cycles of constant supervision, makeshift physical barriers in small homes, and intense frustration.

What people tried

Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.

  1. 1
    Spending one-on-one time with the older child
  2. 2
    Separating the siblings for long periods of time
  3. 3
    Threatening consequences or physical retaliation
  4. 4
    Creating games where children work together against a common enemy
  5. 5
    Moving the toddler away and saying hitting hurts
  6. 6
    Putting the toddler behind a gate upstairs in the hallway
  7. 7
    Putting away whatever the toddler was playing with
  8. 8
    Encouraging throwing and yelling into stuffed animals
  9. 9
    Redirecting the toddler and reintroducing them to the sibling with a game or ritual
  10. 10
    Separating the children temporarily
  11. 11
    Sitting the child down to explain that the behavior is mean and making them apologize
  12. 12
    Putting the child in time out
  13. 13
    Giving one-on-one attention
  14. 14
    Comforting the victim immediately while ignoring or separating the aggressor

In their words

Unedited, most upvoted first, each linked to the thread it came from.

“My second son (2) will hit his brother (6) unprompted with whatever is in his hand.”source ↗

“He’ll sometimes throw things at me and my husband but he only hits his brother.”source ↗

“I have nowhere to physically separate him with a barrier on the first floor where we normally are, our house is microscopic, so I’ll then bring him upstairs and put him behind the gate in the hallway.”source ↗

“Part of me wants to just smack tf out of his hand or throw the toy across the room.”source ↗

zipperoff · r/Parenting · 38 upvotes

“Other time the 2 y/o girl will be mean to our 1 y/o son and sometimes for no reason as well.”source ↗

“If he has something and she decides she wants it she will push his down, pull it out of his hands.”source ↗

“she will immediately get very aggressive and push, slap, pull his hair, or even in many cases bite him.”source ↗

“This had now lead to him learning biting as a defense mechanism and he will try to do it back.”source ↗

UFO-R · r/Parenting · 4 upvotes

“She is almost 5 and has hated her brother (2.5) since he was born. She goes to great lengths to physically hurt him.”source ↗

“I’ve tried spending one on one time with her, separating them for long periods of time, tried teaching her that he just wants to be friends, etc.”source ↗

Curandera505 · r/Parenting

Where this came up

r/Parentingchild behaviordisciplinefamily dynamicsparentingsibling rivalrytoddler behavior

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