How to handle extreme physical aggression between siblings
Younger and older children alike can engage in severe, unprompted physical aggression and targeted hurting that goes far beyond typical sibling rivalry. Standard strategies like one-on-one time, separation, and teaching conflict resolution often fail to stop the behavior, leaving parents trapped in cycles of constant supervision, makeshift physical barriers in small homes, and intense frustration.
What the numbers show
Counted from the threads quoted below. How we count
- This comes up 18.4× more often in r/Parenting than across the site as a whole.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1Spending one-on-one time with the older childDid this help you?
- 2Separating the siblings for long periods of timeDid this help you?
- 3Threatening consequences or physical retaliationDid this help you?
- 4Creating games where children work together against a common enemyDid this help you?
- 5Moving the toddler away and saying hitting hurtsDid this help you?
- 6Putting the toddler behind a gate upstairs in the hallwayDid this help you?
- 7Putting away whatever the toddler was playing withDid this help you?
- 8Encouraging throwing and yelling into stuffed animalsDid this help you?
- 9Redirecting the toddler and reintroducing them to the sibling with a game or ritualDid this help you?
- 10Separating the children temporarilyDid this help you?
- 11Sitting the child down to explain that the behavior is mean and making them apologizeDid this help you?
- 12Putting the child in time outDid this help you?
- 13Giving one-on-one attentionDid this help you?
- 14Comforting the victim immediately while ignoring or separating the aggressorDid this help you?
- 15Complimenting him when they play nicely togetherDid this help you?
- 16Complimenting him when he calmly fixes toys broken by the younger sibling instead of getting physicalDid this help you?
- 17Spending dedicated one-on-one time and reassuring him of loveDid this help you?
- 18Telling him that the younger brother loves him and bought him clothes with a birthday gift cardDid this help you?
- 19Asking him to help the younger brother and praising his role as a big brotherDid this help you?
- 20Being mindful of fairness and modeling thinking of others out loudDid this help you?
- 21Organizing brother birthday and Christmas shopping activitiesDid this help you?
- 22Having long and honest conversations about behavior and boundariesDid this help you?
- 23Vent to other relatives or friendsDid this help you?
- 24Considering going no contact or distancing oneselfDid this help you?
- 25Constantly correcting the older sibling's behavior and ignoring tantrumsDid this help you?
- 26Sending whichever child makes mean comments out of the room to separate themDid this help you?
- 27Trying to stay calm, reminding both to be nice, and hoping they outgrow itDid this help you?
- 28Stepping in constantly to correct or redirect the younger childDid this help you?
- 29Narrating what is happening without taking sidesDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“My 10 year old daughter is always making little comments putting my 8 year old son down.”source ↗
“I always turn to her- to correct her behavior and she explodes. Claims I always take his side.”source ↗
“My second son (2) will hit his brother (6) unprompted with whatever is in his hand.”source ↗
“He’ll sometimes throw things at me and my husband but he only hits his brother.”source ↗
“I have nowhere to physically separate him with a barrier on the first floor where we normally are, our house is microscopic, so I’ll then bring him upstairs and put him behind the gate in the hallway.”source ↗
“Part of me wants to just smack tf out of his hand or throw the toy across the room.”source ↗
“I have no idea how much intervention I'm supposed to be providing to my kids when they fight.”source ↗
“Other time the 2 y/o girl will be mean to our 1 y/o son and sometimes for no reason as well.”source ↗
“If he has something and she decides she wants it she will push his down, pull it out of his hands.”source ↗
“she will immediately get very aggressive and push, slap, pull his hair, or even in many cases bite him.”source ↗
“This had now lead to him learning biting as a defense mechanism and he will try to do it back.”source ↗
“my older son constantly says he doesn't like little bro, and this happens even if I am happily talking to him.”source ↗
“he gets upset and cries and says he doesn't like little brother.”source ↗
“he will say he doesn't like him.”source ↗
“he says he doesn't like little brother because he hits him or breaks his toy creations.”source ↗
“He also get jealous of little brother whenever he can't do the same thing as him”source ↗
“None of this seem to really help and it's been an ongoing issue.”source ↗
“She is mean to him all the time. I hate that am constantly correcting her.”source ↗
“I’ve basically been dealing with that exact thing since my younger daughter was born.”source ↗
“She is almost 5 and has hated her brother (2.5) since he was born. She goes to great lengths to physically hurt him.”source ↗
“I’ve tried spending one on one time with her, separating them for long periods of time, tried teaching her that he just wants to be friends, etc.”source ↗
“At this point, I’m seriously considering distancing myself from her, potentially even cutting contact for a while. I don’t want to make that decision purely out of anger, though.”source ↗
“Am I seeing a legitimate pattern here, or am I being too sensitive? How would you handle this relationship going forward?”source ↗
“This is super fair, unfortunately i have and she is full on victim mode, unable to see anything from anothers perspective.”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
- 9How to handle sibling rivalry when kids compete in the same activities
- 7Older child acting out and getting jealous after new baby
- 4Why is my sibling always jealous of me?
- 4Why are my kids angels one-on-one but chaos together?
- 3How to handle childhood jealousy over attention
- 2How to handle a child who has to win every game