How to handle sibling rivalry when kids compete in the same activities
When siblings compete in the same visible community activities, the younger child often loses out on roles and constant public comparison overshadows their individual efforts. This dynamic turns routine family outings into stressful survival tests and leaves parents worried about the emotional toll on the child who routinely misses out.
What people tried
Every workaround mentioned in the threads below. We haven’t tested any of them — and nobody here is claiming they worked.
Found another way around this?
Share your steps and trade-offs so fellow engineers don't have to reinvent the wheel. No account required.
- 1cheering on both children equallyDid this help you?
- 2supporting individual goalsDid this help you?
- 3directing children toward separate overlapping interests or unique activitiesDid this help you?
- 4Dividing the children up by taking only two out at a timeDid this help you?
- 5Finding a corner and hidingDid this help you?
- 6Giving children designated solo play time and designated together play timeDid this help you?
- 7Encouraging children to ask before touching or playingDid this help you?
- 8Using alternative positive parenting strategies instead of physical punishmentDid this help you?
- 9Gently telling children to ask for toys and respect each other's answersDid this help you?
- 10Reminding children when they have too many toys and need to shareDid this help you?
- 11Talking to children about their feelings and why they don't like each otherDid this help you?
- 12Giving kids more space from each other to reduce interaction opportunitiesDid this help you?
- 13Telling oneself that it will get better over time and relying on solidarity from other parentsDid this help you?
In their words
Unedited, grouped by where they were said, most upvoted first within each place, each linked to the thread it came from.
“Those outings are almost always stressful and leaving us in survival mode for much of the time”source ↗
“Or just find a corner and hide while you pontificate about your struggles on Reddit, like I’m doing now lol.”source ↗
“As the title reads, my girls won’t stop fighting.”source ↗
“Lately, my oldest will get really upset when her sister pushes her away or hits her”source ↗
“They then proceed to rush me (Mom) for comfort at the same time after the negative encounter, which leads to shoving and more fighting.”source ↗
“My problem is I don’t know if I’m intervening too much and not just letting them work it out in their own?”source ↗
“The biggest issue is that because theatre is really visible to the community, most people who chat with us at the church or grocery store make small talk about big brother.”source ↗
“We are in a similar situation except it is my 5 year old who is the black cat and her 2.5 year old sister is the golden retriever.”source ↗
“19 month age gap. My daughter turned 3 in the beginning of May. My son is 21 months old. They fight constantly. EVERYTHING is a fight. Am I doing something wrong?”source ↗
“She told me she “doesn’t like her brother” the other day and it broke my heart & had a talk about how that makes people feel really sad and how she doesn’t like to feel sad and cry.”source ↗
“Lil bro apparently isn’t invited to her birthday party.”source ↗
“My kids are 17 months apart (7, almost 9) and yes. They fight every day all day long. They love each other and play so well too. But hell it’s so hard. Both of my kids have said they wish they didn’t have a sister too, but they don’t really mean it.”source ↗
“And he's entering an age where he will actively compete for the same roles as big brother (up until now, he's been "little," but now they're both kid/tween). And big brother will be the victor. I guess I worry about little brother being crushed?”source ↗
Where this came up
People with this problem also raised
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- 2How to handle a child who has to win every game